David Farnor | On 06, May 2014

Two weeks ago, we embarked upon a dangerous mission: to watch all of 24 in one go and catch up on the series’ escapades before it returns for Live Another Day on Wednesday 7th May.

After all, 24 is the show that virtually invented the concept of binge-viewing, so what better way to celebrate that in a time when binge-viewing has become mainstream than by returning to the one that started it all? 8 days of 24 in 6 days? We named it Bauerthon and started live blogging immediately.

With 8 days to go until the new season actually arrives, we bring the edited highlights of the event – so you can remind yourself of what’s happened to Jack over the years without having to go through what we did.

This is Bauerthon, aka. the longest day of our life.

Bauerthon: A Season 5 recap.

Season 5, Episode 1

00:16 SEASON 5: The following takes place between 7am and 8am.
Jack’s back. Again. And Bauerthon continues.

This is, without a doubt, the longest day of our life.

00:23
4 minutes. 38 seconds. That’s how long it takes for David Palmer to be shot.

00:26
What a shocking start for the season – right out of nowhere, a bullet whips in through the window of his L.A. apartment.

00:27
And now we’re catching up another old face: Chloe O’Brian, who’s just slept with someone from the office (Spencer) and is now walking around in a dressing gown.

00:31
Oh look, it’s yet another familiar face! Frank Flynn. Or, as we like to call him, Jack Bauer.

Frank’s now bumming for work in oil fields. Sometimse, he sees a woman (with a son). Sometimes, he wears a hat.

He looks silly in the hat.

00:33
“We’re trying to run a business, Michelle!” says Tony, as they watch the news on the TV and she decides to call into CTU. A nice bit of exposition for the happy, retired life…

BOOM.

Another one. Exactly 11 minutes after Palmer got sniped, Michelle’s blown up in her car.

Are they connected? (Hint: Yes.)

00:35
Back to Chloe, who’s heading into the office – only to spot a suspicious man with no hair watching her.

And you know what they say about suspicious men with no hair.

A quick on-foot chase later and Chloe’s not dead. But she almost was.

The one thing they all had in common? You guessed it.

00:37
Chloe rings Jack, who switches straight back into secret agent mode.

He finds a safety box with everything he needs and arranges to rendezvous with Chloe in secret. Gun. Sunglasses. Abandoned oil refinery. It’s like he never left.

00:38
“Chloe, you need to go dark,” says Jack.

We’re fairly sure Chloe has never gone dark in her life.

00:42
After seeing all these old friends, it’s time to make a new one: the President’s wife, Martha.

“She can’t have one of her meltdowns today,” Logan mutters to his assistant. So, she’s going to be a subtle addition to the ensemble.

00:52
Where does Martha fit into all of this? Palmer was about to tell her something important, she says.

Lucky for the screenwriters, everyone thinks she’s crazy. Including the President.

Nothing like a crazy wife for some dramatic tension.

00:59
Jack and Chloe have a touching reunion in the oil refinery – accompanied by Jack’s new lady friend’s son, Derek.

“I need secure access to CTU’s mainframe from an anonymous computer,” he says to Chloe. “Can you get that for me?”

She nods.

But they’re not the only ones meeting. The nasty bald men have turned up too, led by the sniper who took out Palmer. He wears sunglasses so you just KNOW he’s evil.

A few smoke grenades later and Jack’s doing what he does best: killing and torturing people. A knife to someone’s spinal cord does the first. A bullet in the leg takes care of the second – followed by one to the head.

Boom.

Jack’s back. No wonder that was the most viewed episode in 24’s history: it’s by far the best too.

01:02 End of Episode 1 (Season 5, 7am – 8am)
Here’s what we learned:
– EVERYONE IS DEAD. Ok, Palmer and Michelle. That’s it. Tony, meanwhile, is only injured and Chloe got away.
– Jack’s been framed for the assassination of Palmer.
– Jack doesn’t call himself Jack any more: he calls himself Frank. And wears a hat.
– Jack Bauer looks silly in a hat.

Body count: 2.
Torture count: 1.

Season 5, Episode 2

01:02 The following events take place between 8am and 9am (Season 5)

01:04
Jack is planning to get into Palmer’s apartment to find clues.

“I need a building schematic,” he says to Chloe. “Can you get that for me?”

She nods. Is there anything that woman can’t get? She’s like Morgan Freeman in Shawshank. But white. And not in prison. And not Morgan Freeman.

01:09
Crisis meeting time among the US officials.

“He does have a history of violence, insubordination and drug addiction,” says the President about Jack Bauer.

“He has a history of great service to this country!” replies Audrey at CTU.

That doesn’t stop the first bit being true.

01:10
Our first glimpse of the bad guys.

“Let CTU find Bauer,” says one. He wears a purple shirt, so you can tell he’s in charge.

“You don’t think he’ll interfere with our plans?” asks the henchman.

“He won’t have a chance,” says Mr. Purple dramaticaly. “We launch in less than an hour.”

That would’ve been a great way to sign off an episode.

01:31
Jack is discovered by David’s brother, Wayne (remember him?), in the hotel room, but convinces him that he’s innocent. Now, the two have to pair up, buddy cop-style as an odd couple trying to solve the mystery and save the day, while one of them marries the other’s daughter!

Only kidding. Jack’s going it alone.

01:31
How does Jack get out of a hotel swarming with cops? Don’t worry: he has a disguise.

What a pro.

01:32
Using his foolproof disguise, Jack sneaks out of the building – and goes to drop off Derek with his mum before chasing up the lead from David’s computer (which has something to do with Ontario Airport).

01:38
Jack bids farewell to the woman and child he lied to.

“What do we tell them?” they ask. “Tell them the truth,” he replies, walking off like a paragon of honesty.

01:39
The Russian President touches down on US soil, as CTU watches on nervously.

“If they’re going to attack the helicopter, it would be now,” says one employee, helpfully telling us when we should be tense.

01:40
The President’s wife, meanwhile, keeps telling her husband that Palmer wanted to tell her something important – “a matter of national security”.

The President plays her back the recording of their phone call from the previous night. There’s nothing about national security in there: is he part of a cover-up? Is someone in his office?

01:42
Jack runs through the airport, as some unknown terrorists blow up a van outside.

“You are going to tell me what I want to know,” he growls at a guard. “It’s only a question of how much it’s going to hurt.”

He hasn’t changed much, then.

The terrorists then get out some guns and start taking the entire airport hostage.

Talk about an unexpected item in the baggage area.

01:44
OMG IT’S THE PRESIDENT’S ASSISTANT WHO’S THE MOLE. AND MR. PURPLE SHIRT IS WORKING AT CTU.

Where’s that employee dude who tells us when to feel tense? He would be perfect right now.

01:46 End of Episode 2 (Season 5, 8am – 9am)
Here’s what we learned:
– Jack is rubbish at disguises.
– Chloe is a white, female Morgan Freeman.
– The President and CTU both have insiders in their staff. TWO moles? Don’t say 24 doesn’t know how to up the stakes.
– The quality has already dropped from what was a stunning opening episode.

Season 5, Episode 3

01:46 The following events take place between 9am and 10am (Season 5)

01:48
So the general theory is that the odd numbered seasons of 24 are the best. Is that true? Let’s recap.

Season 1 – Great.

Season 2 – Good.

Season 3 – Not so good.

Season 4 – Enjoyably naff.

Season 5 – So far, so brilliant.

Well, that didn’t settle anything.

01:51
Jack Bauer phones CTU to tell them he’s inside. They order him out.

“No, Bill. I don’t work for you. I’m staying inside,” he decides, before crawling up into an air vent.

So basically, this is Die Hard 2. But without the vests.

02:01
Hey, it’s Mike! Mike’s back! And he’s got new glasses!

02:07
This seems like a good time to consider the varying styles of specs worn by Mike Novick over the last five seasons of 24:

02:09
The terrorists have issued their demands: a statement from both the US and Russia retracting the signing of a peace treaty between the two countries – an agreement that President Logan is determined to get on paper as part of his term’s legacy.

02:11
The terrorists just shot someone. Every member of the cast is now doing their shocked face.

02:13
Oh no! Now Derek’s up for execution by the terrorists. Right after Jack promised Diane (that’s his mum) that he would keep him safe.

The moral of the story? Never trust Jack Bauer.

Also, don’t promise to guarantee the safety of random strangers.

02:19
Jack’s plan to stop the execution of Derek? Tune his phone into the frequency of one of the terrorist’s detonators…

Cue a phone call to Chloe, who asks her lover to help.

“Spencer, you have more knowledge about bandwidth processing than anyone here!”

Chloe sure knows how to chat up the men.

02:23
Kaboom! The plan worked thanks to Chloe’s initiative.

Chloe O’Brian: There’s an app for that.

02:28
Mrs. Logan has snuck out of her room after stealing a security guy’s keycard. She’s investigating files to find a transcript of her phone call…

02:32
And we’re back to square 17 again: Derek at gunpoint unless Bauer reveals himself to the terrorists.

They could’ve avoided all that nonsense with the mobile phone and saved everyone 20 minutes. Still, nice for Chloe to have something to do. She’s awesome.

02:34 End of Episode 3 (Season 5, 9am – 10am)
Here’s what we learned:
– The terrorists still have control of the airport.
– Jack’s friends always end up as hostages used against him.
– The President’s wife is not crazy. Probably.
– 24 Season 5 > Die Hard 2
– Mike Novick has an impressive array of glasses.
– Spencer has more knowledge about bandwidth processing than anyone else at CTU.

Season 5, Episode 4

02:38 The following events take place between 10:00am and 11:00am

02:43
The United States Government does not negotiate with terrorists.

And they’ve got four seasons of proof.

02:46
Logan is beginning to crack. He can’t handle the loss of innocent life.

If only he knew a man who had very little problem with the loss of innocent life…

02:47
Jack promises that they’ll get through this.

02:49
Chloe says something about rewriting approx vectors…

….now Sam from LOTR has rocked up, Frodo-less.

His name is Lynn McGill. People seem scared of him.

02:49
He’s turned down a beer.

We dislike him already.

02:51
McGill’s there to ensure that Jack doesn’t do anything too risky. He’s taking over CTU pretty much. Not to stop terrorists, but to annoy everyone and hinder Jack.

02:52
Jack, under duress, has re-routed the CTU breach team into a dangerous place.

Grimace level – 67.8%.

02:52
The explosives must be repositioned precisely.

Curtis will be breaching in 15 minutes.

02:53
McGill has forced Buchanan to sit down and give the play-by-play of Curtis’ entry team.

If it weren’t for these meddling Hobbitses.

02:56
Derek is blaming himself for the hostage situation and Jack being captured.

President Logan doubts the success of the revised plan and Mike tries desperately to distract everyone from his glasses.

Glasses.

Glasses.

It didn’t work.

02:59
Evelyn denies aiding and abetting Mrs Logan to grab those secret documents.

03:00
The President and his wife prepare to sign this clearly globally impacting treaty… by flirting.

03:00
CTU must slow the signing of the document as they realise they may not be able to save the hostages.

10:29am on the timer.

03:01
Mike Novick continues perfecting his spy voice and severely conspicuous telephone manner.

03:04
CTU dislike McGill. They think he’s going to fire them mid-terrorist attack.

Lynn McGill is the only person to suspect that Jack’s new intel is flawed.

The tension is really quite impressive this season.

03:06
60 seconds to breach.

03:08
McGill shouts: “Stop the assault!”

Curtis must now redeploy his men to outflank the terrorists.

“That should work,” says McGill.

This man is fantastic.

03:10
Just as the order is given to kill all the hostages, CTU breach!

Cue kill counter in 3…2…1…

03:13
Jack smashes a window and kills two terrorists!

03:13
Derek has badly grazed knees, but is quite alive.

03:13
And Mike’s voice hasn’t yet exited panic mode and still has no real pitch variation.

03:14
President Logan signs the bill just as the news breaks. Like the treaty breached the airport and saved all the hostages itself.

He shamelessly cashes in the success much like a President should do.

03:15
We appear to be missing a hostage in a bright yellow tie. Suspicious.

03:16
Derek and Diane are reunited. Both cry.

“Jack saved my life. He saved everyone’s life.”

03:17
Mrs Logan needs a few minutes alone with her husband.

He assumes she means hanky panky.

She does not.

President Logan is kind of an arse.

He rejects his wife to bask in the glory of only have a few innocent hostages killed.

03:19
Lynn McGill does not bask.

He wants Bauer brought in to answer for the death of David Palmer.

03:21
Yellow Tie Terrorist transports the keycard to a back room with a really massive hole in the floor, containing a safe.

03:22
It was all a distraction while other such terrorists (not in yellow ties) break into a safe containing what appears to be super high-tech bad stuff.

They confirm it with a super-high-tech-bad-stuff-detector. With lasers.

03:24
Cummings has attacked Martha Logan to steal the transcript.

He’s clearly a very mean person.

03:26 End of Episode 4 (10am-11am)
What we’ve learnt:
– The airport was just a distraction while the Russians steal some high-tech bad stuff.
– Jack is still wanted for the murders of his colleagues.
– Martha is on to something big.
– Mike is still brilliant.

Season 5, Episode 5

03:26 The following takes place between 11:00am and 12:00am

03:27
The Russians, and their high-tech bad stuff, escape in a SWAT van.

03:30
A field team follow CCTV movements of Yellow Tie to hangar BB. They go to check it out, informing Stiles as they go.

They have discovered the massive hole in the ground. Maybe they can identify the high-tech-bad-stuff. Maybe they also have lasers.

03:31
There are many dead rats in there.

Apparently this requires spectrum analysers.

That must mean a trowel and small wooden cross in American.

03:31
The Russians plan to “turn Moscow into a graveyard”.

03:32
Cummings’ attack on Martha is taken to be mental disability.

She announces the existence of her proof.

Logan’s patronisation of her is becoming irritable.

03:37
High-tech bad stuff has been officially renamed Sentox. It is a nerve gas. It is probably not great for people.

03:38
Cummings plans to have Jack killed. He’s really a mean, mean guy.

But it’s cool, he’ll probably die anyway.

03:40
Nathanson, stood by a big scrolling board, is in on the attempt on Jack.

03:40
Chloe, Spencer and Stiles involve themselves in High School 101: Keeping secrets from friends.

Chloe is mean to everyone.

03:42
McGill wants Audrey to interrogate Diane.

Jack’s ears are about to burn.

03:45
Bill tells Jack about Audrey working for CTU.

Jack grimaces. He’s either suspicious or having sexy flashbacks.

03:46
Audrey abuses her position as interrogation master to ask questions about Diane and Jack’s personal relationship. The ambiguous answer satisfies no-one.

03:47
Audrey has sexy flashbacks.

03:52
Jack and Audrey meet, chat and have sexy flashbacks which spawn photos like this on the internet. (This is one from 24kiefersutherlandmonkief.unblog.fr)

03:53
Spencer Wolff, it turns out, is working for Cummings.

Chloe catches him in a room above his security clearance and realises what’s going on.

03:53
Cummings’ assassin is inside CTU and armed. Let in by Cummings.

The sneaky little weasel boy.

We never liked him.

03:56
Buchanan sends people to pick up Wolff the Weasel. Weird red-shirted people that appear to be henchmen from any and all Street Fighter games.

03:58
Chloe draws a parallel between Wolff tricking CTU into letting him inside the building and tricking Chloe into letting her into her bed.

Her ability to recognise similarities is unmatched.

03:58
Martha Logan realises she’s going to be taken away to an institution and escape the President’s personal security detail.

She gets better by the minute.

04:00
Bauer and McGill asses the facts and realise someone in Logan’s administration is working against them.

04:00
Tony is awake. He wants to speak to Jack.

04:02
Wolff was using in-house surveillance through CTU.

He keeps referring to a ‘they’ and it’s really bugging people.

04:04
Tony is not awake. It was a clever hitman trick!

Jack fights off the hitman using his patented ‘scissors to the throat’ technique.

04:06
Wolff reveals he thought the hitman was present as part of an IA investigation.

He namedrops Cummings.

He is arrested by one of M Bison’s stormtroopers.

04:07
CTU cannot go and get Cummings.

“I’m not CTU, I’ll go and get him myself,” says Jack.

Ladies and gents, it’s rogue vigilante justice time.

Much as it has been for the past 76 hours.

04:12 End of Episode 5 (11am – 12pm)
What we’ve learned:
– Cummings is a really bad guy.
– Spencer Wolff is an idiot.
– Jack Bauer is yet to meet an object he cannot kill.
– McGill and Jack make an excellent odd couple.
– Chloe sleeps with idiots.
– Martha Logan is not fussed about sharing around the awesome.

Season 5, Episode 6

04:13 The following takes place between 12:00pm and 13:00pm

04:14
Jack needs to meet someone who has the President’s ear more than Cummings, his chief advisor. What sort of man could he meet? Who could he possibly know that has more influence than Cummings?

Hello Mike.

04:18
We are treated to a visual of what Sentox 6 nerve gas can do. It’s pretty vicious stuff.

Bauer contacts Novick, who says he’s not comfortable with all this secrecy.

YOU PICKED THE WRONG FRIENDS, PAL.

04:20
Jack has a heart-to-heart with Diane about his relationship with Audrey.

Much more of this and we’ll have to add a “Jack Bauer Sexy Flashback” counter, too.

04:23
Martha only escaped as far as a room that appears to be full of saddles. She begs Aaron Pierce, secret service, for help. He ignores her, clearly bemused by the saddle room.

04:23
“What is this room? It’s kinda eerie.”

“It’s certainly neigh joke.”

“But why fill a room with saddles? That’s my mane concern.”

“First the odd goings on at that airport. Now this room. This is two suspicious occurances on the trot…”

Anyway, enough of that.

04:27
Diane confronts Audrey about Jack, who is confronted by Audrey about Diane.

Everyone has sexy flashbacks.

Audrey cries.

04:28
Aaron Pierce informs Logan of Martha’s resurfacing. He refers to the saddle room as ‘the stables’.

04:32
Cummings reveals himself as to Logan as helping the terrorists by proxy.

Cummings plans to let the terrorists escape to central Asia and then remote detonate the nerve gas, at once killing terrorists and proving the existence of bio-weapons in Asia, sparking a war and ensuring a cheap oil pipeline. He admits killing Palmer as a by-product.

It’s quite clever, really.

04:33
Bauer and Novick meet. It is as glorious as you are currently imagining.

The whispery gruffness is punctured by a helicopter and 4×4 full of secret service agents.

Jack lowers his big bag of guns.

04:38
Buchanan and McGill decide to disregard a Presidential order (all of which are coming through Cummings now) after some discussion, in an effort to help Jack.

04:41
Jack talks to Aaron Pierce. Still reeling from the ‘saddle room’ incident, Pierce manages to pull himself together and decide to help Jack, believing him after Martha’s pleas.

04:41
Pierce helps Jack confront Logan and Cummings.

Jack punches Cummings. It is SATISFYING.

04:44
Jack repeatedly punches Cummings’ sternum and threatens to cut out his eyes.

Cummings confesses where the nerve gas is without any real harm coming to him. Shame.

04:45
Jack and Pierce hand themselves over to the President for treason.

Logan dismisses the suggestion and sends Bauer to stop those damn terrorists.

04:49
Evelyn Martin (Sandrine Holt, of House of Cards fame) is far too pretty to be sad at every single thing that happens to Martha Logan.

04:51
Stiles locates the nerve gas and McGill is pretty much running the team now.

They inform Jack about the ID of Yellow Tie terrorist.

His name is Ivan. Which is equally as fun.

04:54
Cummings’ man-on-the-inside has been murdered and the Sentox is gone.

Ivan has tricked us all and stolen some nerve gas… again.

04:57 End of Episode 6 (1pm – 2pm)
What we’ve learned:
– Yellow Tie Terrorist is called Ivan and now has full control of the Sentox 6 nerve gas.
– Jack Bauer is killing a lot more people than he is torturing.
– Season 5 is far and away the best season yet of 24.

We have also just learned that Netflix, after three episodes of 24 without pressing any buttons, will prompt you to continue.

“Are you still watching 24?”

This is annoying and accusatory.

Season 5, Episode 7

05:00 The following takes place between 13:00 and 14:00

05:02
Cummings, of no more use, is escorted away.

Jack wants to leave to avoid Kim discovering that he’s still alive, believing CTU can handle that.

Logan convinces him otherwise.

05:03
Damage to the cannisters means the terrorists have to visit a man named Rossler.

They decide to use the Sentox against America, as using it against Russia is too complicated.

But nerve gassing America is basically a doddle.

05:04
McGill receives a call from a dishevelled blonde who demands money from him.

It’s his sister.

Judging from her vague threat of self harm, general rougness and desperate need for cash, we’re hazarding a guess at “Drug Problem”.

05:07
McGill pauses this enabling to dish out figures.

The Sentox could kill over a million people.

05:07
CTU intercepted the call between Erwich and Rossler, a wanted software programmer.

05:09
Rossler is played by a man named Patrick Nicolas Jean Sixte Ghislain Bauchau.

You may know him as Scarpine in A View To A Kill.

Either way, he’s Belgian, Oxford Educated and has excellent facial hair.

05:11
Ivan takes a man hostage to perform hardware work on the cannisters of nerve gas. Like being a surgeon in Operation, but instead of the buzzer going off when you hit the edge of the ‘funny bone’ area, a million people die in a horrible fashion.

05:13
CTU decide to bring Wolff back, as he’s a better coder or something. Who knows. Awful idea.

05:14
Martha recommends coming clean about the whole ordeal to the public.

She’s certainly our new champion.

Rossler the sneaky programmer coming a close second.

05:15
Wolff thanks Chloe for bringing him back.

She doesn’t care.

“I don’t care, Spencer,” she says.

We love Chloe.

05:16
Jack is on top of a building, near a helicopter, with bad phone signal.

We may have a candidate for loudest Bauer Shout.

05:16
Rossler and his luxurious accent talk Erwich through the process of modifying the Sentox 6 cannisters.

05:19
Jack and Curtis break into Rossler’s apartment. No doubt it’s going to be excellent.

05:19
They sneak past extremely well armed security guards.

05:19
They alert Rossler to ‘a situation.’

05:20
Curtis takes a shot to the vest as Jack offs the security guards.

Rossler picks up a gun from his smooth darkwood desk.

Any building where the security has automatic weapons has to have fancy desks, right?

05:21
Bauer dives through the white double doors and wings Rossler in a brilliant, brilliant action dive.

05:22
Jack discovers a young Eastern European girl in Rossler’s apartment.

05:22
It would appear that in spite of Rossler’s lovely voice and ability to be idolised, he has a sex slave.

Bad judgement there from us. Sorry. No more backing maverick software developers, we promise.

05:24
“It’s about justice. It’s about ending tyranny.”

Erwich motivates his hostage.

05:25
“I don’t mind that they’ve dressed his wound, but don’t give him anything for the pain”, says Jack.

Bauer disapproves of sex slaves.

05:25
Jack begins interrogating Rossler, stomping on his gunshot wounds with each refusal to answer.

Rossler wants his lawyer.

Rossler is missing the point of this chat.

05:28
McGill tells Jack to accept the terms of Rossler’s surrender.

Jack looks unhappy at this.

So do we.

05:30
Rossler admits to not knowing Erwich at all. They were brought together by a Russian rogue commander named Vladimir Bierko.

05:30
CTU’s background check is complete. His slave is 15 years old. Jack refuses to let Rossler take her anywhere.

05:31
Wolff is still pleading with Chloe.

Chloe fires him.

It’s as satisfying as a bath in the morning.

05:33
Martha writes a speech for President Logan.

He looks at her with genuine love, but Novick interrupts him for a secret meeting.

Saucy.

05:34
Cummings has hanged himself by his tie. Not as gruesome as you might hope.

05:34
McGill is off to meet his possibly drug-addicted sister.

We don’t judge people, but she’s kinda gaunt and edgy.

05:35
A man jumps out and beats McGill. Stealing his wallet and keycard.

Truly horrific sistering there, young lady.

05:37
Jack is still torn up about Rossler’s deal and trying to get hold of Kim.

Rossler’s slave wishes to contact her family when Jack cuts her short to basically tell her that she’s being handed over as a sex slave to Rossler as part of a hostage deal involving Sentox 6 nerve gas orchestrated by the American Government.

There are no greeting cards for that currently in circulation.

05:39
Erwich kills his mechanic after that moving left-wing speech.

Do political ideologies mean nothing to Russian terrorists anymore?

05:39
Rossler takes a call from Erwich, who sends him the ID keys.

They plan to meet.

05:41
Rossler is murdered by his sex slave, Vanessa! Two perfect gunshots!

05:43 End of Episode 7 (1pm – 2pm)
In spite of the poetic justice, Jack is now in a tight spot, as the software programmer is dead and Erwich is expecting to meet him in ten minutes.
What we’ve learned:
– No matter how long a man’s name or great his beard, don’t side with him until you know if he’s a pathological rapist.

Season 5, Episode 8

05:44 The following takes place between 14:00 and 15:00

05:45
Erwich sends a henchman to meet Rossler, who is unfortunately dead. Jack comes up with a plan to pose as Rossler in order to get closer to Erwich.

His lack of knowledge of how to rewrite the ID chips of twenty Sentox 6 distribution cannisters barely bothers him.

05:47
A nameless henchman informs Erwich that if Rossler fails (which he will, because he was murdered by his sex slave several minutes ago) then the cannisters can still be detonated manually by a suicidal compadre.

05:47
Novick suggests that Logan say nothing about Cummings. Now that he is dead, they needn’t admit their involvement in the nerve gas theft, especially if it ends up being used against the USA.

05:50
Evelyn Martin, in all her glory, is brought up to speed on Walt’s treason by Martha. She looks sad. Again.

We don’t mean to suggest that she’s not allowed to be sad, but it’s the same reaction to everything. Can people please stop making her sad?

05:51
Jack is meeting with Erwich’s henchmen.

He needs to install the chip before they’ll pay him. He’s doing this in the back of a van. Naturally.

05:52
Chloe is talking Jack through chip installation.

CTU’s IT support is really broad-spectrum.

He didn’t even need to install that Java update.

05:53
The bad guys decide to take Rossler with them. (Except it’s not Rossler, it’s highly trained and somewhat sociopathic patriot Jack Bauer. Ha. Idiots.)

05:58
Jack is in the van with a cannister! They’re planning on ‘test running’ one of them.

They’re driving towards a packed shopping centre.

06:00
CTU field teams set up at the parking struture of the centre.

They send out plain-clothes agents whilst Jack is forced to go inside under the guise of ventilation engineers.

He has to wear a janitorial jumpsuit.

Jack Bauer in a onesie.

06:01
McGill is recommending letting them set off the cannister in order to focus on the other 19.

The stress of being mugged leads him to pull rank on CTU head Bill Buchanan. Poor Bill.

06:02
Nameless Henchman #2 kills a mall security guard in front of Jack.

Jack not happy.

06:04
Buchanan, after looking at the figures, agrees with McGill.

The President does not.

06:05
McGill predicts the death count at just under 1,000.

Neither McGill or Buchanan can call it. Logan decides to let them release the nerve gas and kill hundreds of people.

06:07
Jack gives Henchman #1 an incorrect unlock code.

Jack and his conscience, eh? Where would be without it?

Season 5 involves him handing over sex slaves, but not condoning mass murder.

We suspect it’s the best moral dilemma one-two yet, plot-wise.

Jack comes out of it ruthless but focused.

Aced it.

06:12
Netflix can’t hande the pressure and spontaneously signs out.

06:13
Back online!
Jack refuses to tell them the correct code and gets pistol whipped.

Takes it like a champ.

06:14
Henchman #2 drags Jack’s unconscious body into an adjoining room and handcuffs him to a table.

06:17
The Russians manage to sort the cannisters to blow and decide to kill Jack.

SO HE SNAPS A MAN’S NECK WITH HIS LEGS.

06:17
Jack’s free, in a gas mask, with a silenced pistol.

The word “cool” does not describe this.

06:18
A little gas is in the ventilation, but Jack’s stopped the flow.

CTU begin evacuating the mall.

06:20
The Sentox nerve gas is localised to the food court.

Jack gives his mask to a spluttering child. A quick shot of adrenaline and the kid is fine.

My hero.

06:22
Chloe tracks the remote detonator signal while Henchman #1 (who is the only living henchman now) hijacks a car to escape.

Note to self: Hot-wiring cars will never not be cool.

06:24
McGill is told to crack the whip at CTU.

Insubordination will not be tolerated.

It will be dramatised for entertainment and this shall be the 105th episode.

06:26
Cummings’ wife is pretty sad.

Martha comforts her.

Logan listens in and looks thoughtful.

06:29
Bunchanan stands on an opposite side of the table to McGill.

Symbolism, baby.

06:32 End of epispde 8 (2pm-3pm)
Jack follows the Russian Henchman to a warehouse where he is instructed to commit suicide by Erwich for being followed.

Erwich and the cannisters have disappeared.

DAMNIT.

What we’ve learned:
– Erwich really doesn’t want to get caught.
– Jack Bauer can kill a man with his thighs.

Season 5, Episode 9

06:33 The following takes place between 15:00 – 16:00.

06:34
Bierko kills Erwich, angry that he was tricked by Cummings and wasted a cannister of gas on American civilians.

06:35
Nathanson, Cumming’s link to Bierko, flees as his entire team is killed.

06:36
McGill’s sister’s boyfriend realises the importance of the keycard next to all the money and credit cards McGill has.

He is interrupted by President Logan, who is under the icy glare of Mike Novich and his magnificent spectacles.

06:40
Curtis confiscates Jack’s gun and badge on McGill’s orders.

For the second time today.

06:40
Nathanson contacts Audrey and demands to talk to Jack Bauer. And only Jack Bauer.

06:41
Jack is, once more, un-arrested.

But he does have a new set of aviators on (pinker than his disguise pair from earlier).

06:42
Nathanson demands protection from Jack.

He alludes to another mole within the Government and to helping CTU catch Bierko.

06:44
Curtis tells Jack that Audrey is a good person and he hopes they work it out.

Jack punches him and throttles him into unconciousness.

And I’ll be there for youuuu… ’cause you’re there for me tooooooo.

06:46
McGill is suspicious of Audrey, thinking she’s involved in Jack’s escape from Curtis.

He’s right. Sure he’s an annoying twerp right now, but he is right.

06:49
Mike is on the phone to Bierko. He apologises for the shopping mall gas attack. And then demands the President’s help to attack the Russian president’s motorcade, under threat of releasing the gas on Americans.

06:50
“That would be senseless murder.”

“Yes, it would. You have 15 minutes.”

English bad guys, man. They’ve got a sense of humour at least.

06:51
Aside: Jack hasn’t killed or tortured in a little while. We’re probably overdue one.

06:53
Jack is being ordered around LA by Nathanson from phone box to phone box, returning to the Die Hard model, but with less Sam Jackson and fewer racial slurs.

06:54
Bauer alerts Nathanson to ‘incoming hostiles’.

06:55
Audrey defends her alliance with Jack to Buchanan, citing trust and patriotism as her motivations and not because Jack is super dreamy.

06:55
#AUDREYHEARTJACK4EVA

06:56
Nathanson kills a man and takes his giant gun.

Now we’re getting somewhere.

He fires one handed, mid-run.

John McClane would be honoured.

06:57
Nathanson diving rolls with the huge weapon, before pulling another and emptying both.

He’s been hit.

06:57
Jack kills two Russians before being pinned down by a helicopter.

He wards the chopper off with a few shots. Nathanson, dying, hands Jack a mysterious chip which, when inserted into Jack’s phone… beeps.

07:00
Jack calls Audrey and gets Chloe. She tells him about McGill’s watchful Hobbit eyes. He sends the files on the beeping chip to Chloe. She seems like someone who would understand a beeping chip.

07:01
President Logan suggests letting the Russian rebels attack the motorcade. Novick provides logic.

Martha walks in and overhears.

She’s got her unimpressed face on.

She kicks Mike out of the room and she begins suggesting diversion tactics.

With a little guilt trip added in to really seal the deal.

07:03
“It’s not that simple, Martha. It never is.”

07:06
Chloe can’t unlock the drive, it’s Department of Defence tech.

Buchanan distracts McGill while Chloe gets login codes from Audrey via the most primitive instant messaging service of all time.

McGill realises what’s going on and has Buchanan arrested. He’s really losing it. Maybe let Frodo carry the ring now, dude, you kinda bumming me out.

07:08
The Sentox 6 is traced to a company called Terradyne, owned by Omicron Corp, of which the department of R&D is run by Christopher Henderson who Jack assures us is… somebody.

07:10
The Logans keep up appearences with the Russian President while Mike Novick conducts shady phone calls with Bierko, handing over the motorcade’s movements.

07:10
‘Tell our people, this is where I want them to strike.’

07:17 End of Episode 9 (3pm – 4pm)
The President bids a farewell to his Russian opposite number, soon to be dead.

Martha jumps in the car with the Russians and Pierce follows her.

Bierko prepares to attack.

What we’ve learned:
– Mike and Logan are pretty sneaky.
– Martha is, too, but her moral compass is immovable so it makes her excellent.
– McGill is losing it a little. With Sean Astin doing an excellent job of flip-flopping from good to bad guy without any major overacting.
– Jack knows a man called Christopher Henderson.
– Christopher Henderson owns shady, evil companies with shady, evil names like Terradyne and Omicron and Chemicorp and Bioattack Inc. and Murdery Kenny’s BBQ Rib Shack.

Season 5, Episode 10

07:26 The following takes place between 16:00 and 17:00.

07:30
President Logan is suggesting that he lets his wife die by Sentox 6 nerve gas rather than stand up to terrorism.

Once again, he needs a pal to stand up to terrorism for him.

Boys and girls, meet Mike Novick.

07:32
Audrey tells Stiles to meet her in the server room in order to talk with without being monitored.

McGill continues being a buzzkill.

Chloe is digging into Christopher Henderson and Jack’s connection to him.

07:32
Jack intends to go into Omicron without being registered as an agent.

07:33
Here it is: Christopher Henderson recruited Jack to CTU before Jack ousted him for selling intelligence. Never proven, Henderson harbours a grudge against Bauer. Who’s about to kick down his front door.

07:35
Stiles is required to cover for Chloe and Audrey with McGill. He begrudgingly agrees and we can’t work out if he comes across as a tech-savvy teddy bear or too stupid to survive the series.

We’re about due some graphic violence, aren’t we?

07:36
Martha becomes soberingly aware of the chance that her husband is not going to save her from a chemical death.

07:39
Jack Bauer is sneaking into the building under the name John Barrie.

McGill fires members of the team, refusing that there’s any real threat.

07:39
John Barrie has entered the building….when a familiar voice echoes…can it be?

07:41
Okay guys, it just got real. It just hit the fan. It is going down.

PETER WELLER IS IN THIS TELEVISION SHOW.

THE MAN WHO RECRUITED JACK BAUER IS PETER WELLER.

07:43
Peter Weller says every gram of Sentox went to the DoD and not a single cannister is out there.

PETER WELLER MIGHT BE AN OK GUY.

He tuts and takes his gun off Jack. “I swear to you, I got nothing to do with this.”

THAT’S OKAY PETER WELLER, WE LOVE YOU.

Jack demands the gun as a signal of trust. Henderson hands it over without questions.

07:45
Henderson grabs the relevant files and heads out the door with Jack.

Jack Bauer and Peter Weller just teamed up.

We knew there were reasons to be awake at 07:44. This is certainly one of them.

07:46
Chloe confronts McGill with some NSA chatter regarding the attack on the motorcade.

She decides to hack McGill’s login and inform the Secret Service of the threat that way.

It’s pretty risky business.

07:51
It’s so risky, even Netflix doesn’t want a part of it. Disconnecting once more, we begin to wonder which side Netflix is on.

07:53
Audrey recruits Curtis to invoke ‘Section 12′ which sounds like a way to remove McGill from his position on the grounds he is mentally incapable, but they’re being very secretive. It might be a cupcake party for all we know.

We hope it’s a cupcake party.

07:54
Hello and welcome to Section 12: Baking with Bauer.

Today’s lesson, beating suspects… er, eggs. Beating eggs.

07:55
Logan is weighing up the millions of lives at risk versus his wife.

It’s played as a genuinely tough decision. He’s more thinking out loud than spewing exposition and it really works.

07:57
McGill foresees his employees’ plan and then tries to have them arrested.

Curtis relieves McGill of command using Section 12 (not a cupcake recipe in any way) and McGill is taken away.

07:57
Bill Buchanan is back, baby!

07:59
Curtis manages to get the threat to someone with power.

The President.

08:00
Novick suggests that with CTU and other agencies involved, they might just be able to stop the attack.

08:01
CODE RED.
CODE RED.

The motorcade halts just before coming under attack from gunfire and missiles.

08:02
A wounded Pierce begins killing Russians left, right and centre to protect Martha Logan.

She places her hand on his shoulder.

It’s really quite warming.

08:04
Henderson seals himself and Jack in a high-tech vault.

It’s pretty fantastic.

08:06
The pair notice that every employee who worked on the Sentox Project has died in mysterious accidents.

Jack tries to contact CTU but the phone lines are dead. And the door is locked. Jack is locked in a vault with a bomb.

DAMN YOU PETER WELLER, WE TRUSTED YOU.

Henderson phones in a report stating CTU are nowhere near the truth.

Peter Weller is too smooth.

08:08
Jack piles up filing cabinets to protect himself from the explosive.

Henderson detonates.

Bauer climbs from the debris… and draws his weapon…

08:10 End of Episode 10, 4pm-5pm
Bierko questions Logan on the failure with the motorcade and promises to release the nerve agent on America.

What we’ve learned:
– PETER WELLER.

Season 5, Episode 11.

08:11 The following takes place between 17:00 – 18:00

08:12
Tony is awake. Actually awake, this time. He doesn’t remember much. But he needs to talk to Jack.

Buchanan withholds the information about the death of Michelle in order to protect Tony.

This cannot end well.

08:14
Bierko appears to be trying to get hold of a CTU keycard.

Lucky, no-one’s had one stolen by their junkie sister.

Damnit.

08:15
Bierko and Co. are gassing an unnamed target as a diversion.

We’re beginning to get worried.

08:17
Jack finally contacts CTU and links Henderson to the virus.

Chloe hacks his computer and finds his home address.

Jack, thinking Henderson believes him dead once more, decides to go at it alone.

08:21
Weller Update: Congratulations, you have unlocked aviator mode.

08:22
Henderson requires access to a mysterious safety deposit box.

Tony tries to log in to Michelle’s CTU files to find her and discovers her fate.

He does his best sad face. It’s pretty sad.

08:24
Martha scolds Logan for not standing up to the terrorists.

Illogical and dangerous, it’s tough not to admire her straight-arrow right-from-wrong attitude.

08:26
The respective Presidents decide to band together under the new treaty, before Logan explains his wife’s behaviour by revealing her depression.

08:30
McGill demands his keycard back, at which point his sister discovers that’s how she’s going to pay for a big, tasty pile of nondescript drugs.

Martha is reunited with Evelyn, still extremely stony-faced.

08:30
A Sentox cannister is hidden within a hospital trolley and pushed ominously down a corridor.

This.
Cannot.
Be.
Good.

08:31
Jack reaches Henderson while CTU identify a threat to a hospital. Could this be the distraction, or the actual attack?

08:32
Curtis speeds to the hospital while the head of security is forced to evacuate as fast as possible.

Jack has broken into his mentor’s home. This is amazing.

08:33
He has a gun on Peter Weller’s wife.

“Put the gun down, Jack. You’re not gonna shoot me.”

Henderson’s wife pushes him.

08:36
Martha calls Pierce to her room in order to thank him. Their relationship might be the highlight of this series.

She holds his hand and tells him that the country is lucky to have men like him.

This looks like genuinely heartfelt writing from the team that brought us torturings and… well, all those other series of 24.

08:36
Novick seems to think Pierce and Martha have got something a little extra going on and he does not seem happy about it.

08:39
CTU finally get Bierko’s name and identify him as the money, the mastermind and the face of the attacks.

08:40
Henderson’s wife pleads his innocence. Jack is losing his patience.

08:41
Chloe finds Henderson’s secret files on his computer, Jack demands the password from his wife.

She gives him nothing and Chloe starts hacking.

08:44
Bierko’s man in the hospital have been ID’d, but he’s already set the Sentox to spray into the ventilation in under ten minutes.

Curtis locates and eliminates him.

But can they stop the gas?!

08:46
Jack is informed on the hospital threat just as Henderson arrives home.

Jack takes control.

08:47
Henderson is in handcuffs, with the Hendersons on the sofa together.

He aims a gun at Henderson’s knee and then his neck.

08:48
Jack demands Henderson unlock his briefcase, thus proving his guilt to his wife.

08:49
Jack threatens to shoot Henderson’s knee.

When Henderson seems unfazed, Jack takes the next logical step…

… kneecapping Henderson’s wife.

08:50
Henderson turns and apologises to his wife.

He has no interest in telling Jack anything.

Henderson’s coldness towards his wife is poetic. This really is the man who trained Bauer. And the only man who can withstand him.

08:51
Curtis grabs the cannister himself and sprints to a modified van that can hold the gas inside a containment unit. Phew.

08:52
Bierko’s assassin retrieves the card from McGill’s sister.

He kills her and her boyfriend in the process.

08:55 End of Episode 11 (5pm – 6pm)
What we’ve learned:
– Bierko is a strong strategist, the hospital finale was very exciting and yet is nowhere near the main event.
– Henderson might be Bauer’s match.
– McGill’s key card is about to be used to break into CTU by one of Bierko’s people.

Season 5, Episode 12

08:56 The following takes place between 18:00 and 19:00.

08:56
Kim Bauer is here.

08:58
Audrey alerts Jack of Kim’s presence and confirms that he has Henderson ready to interrogate.

Henderson is busy telling Jack that he remembers Kim, distracting him.

08:59
Kim has turned up with a man, Barry, and he refuses to leave her side, whoever he is.

Audrey reveals that Jack is alive to Kim.

09:03
Ray Wise has arrived as the VP. He believes it’d be smart to pre-empt control of the streets.

This sounds dangerous. Far too dangerous.

Never trust someone that tanned.

09:04
Peter Weller ain’t tryna protect himself, he’s tryna protect this country!

We’re not sure if Weller gets all the red-hot lines, or where he just serves ’em up that way.

09:05
Bierko’s man enters the CTU offices.

09:06
Jack is reunited with Kim. Hearts are warmed. Not Kim’s, she’s pretty grumpy about the whole affair, but ours certainly are.

Barry’s also getting mouthy. His goatee is truly awful. Jack looks unimpressed at it. It’s not a good goatee.

09:10

That’s not a good goatee dude.

Barry leaves and lets them try and work it out.

09:10
Bierko’s agent, fuelled by the evil present in Barry’s goatee, looks set to GAS THE CTU OFFICES.

09:11
Tony asks about the loss of Michelle, desperate to know her killer.

He’s angry and has nothing to lose. This could be chaotic and wonderful.

Buchanan namedrops Henderson.

09:13
Henderson lies strapped to a chair as Jack discusses the fact that Barry (the man behind the travesty) is a psychologist and Kim was his patient.

This gets Jack angry enough to torture an untorturable man.

How on earth is this gonna go?

09:15
Henderson resists and Jack begins the torture.

An injection of something not-very-cuddly, we suspect.

Henderson grinds his teeth and sweats. Whatever is happen, it’s an inhuman amount of pain that the man is currently wrestling with.

09:17
Martha talks a walk to help her understand the day and Mike Novick interrupts her smoke break.

Rude.

But remember, no smoking, kids.

09:18
Kerry notices a problem with CTUs air filtration system, everyone says it’s nothing. So she goes to check it out.

BAD THINGS AHEAD, KERRY.

09:20
As he stares, lost, into the swimming pool, Logan begs forgiveness from his wife and we all know he needs her more than ever right now.

09:25
Kerry, while checking out the fan problem, is murdered by the terrorist inside CTU.

When Buchanan tells McGill that his sister was executed, McGill connects the dots and admits his keycard is not in his possession.

Upon checking the system, they find that his card has been used.

CTU goes into lockdown.

09:26
Henderson refuses to talk, even though he’s starting to die.

He is just the toughest Peter Weller there ever could be.

09:29
Bierko’s man in CTU karate chops a running good guy in the neck, causing him to backflip. One second of screentime – hours of rewindy fun.

09:34
Jack quickly catches up to him and kills him.

He checks the terrorist’s PDA and discovers the plot. The gas hasn’t been deployed, but some has escaped into the system. Stiles finds Carrie’s body just as the gas deploys. Numerous CTU agents clutch their throats as Chloe, Jack, Buchanan, Kim and Barry desperately try to find an isolated route out of the death trap.

As their coworkers die horrifically around them, the remaining CTU agents can only watch on as, one by one, their friends die.

09:40 End of Episode 12, (6pm – 7pm)
What we’ve learned:
– CTU is compromised. Bierko’s managed to unleash Sentox within the offices, killing most personnel, including Kerry and Stiles.
– Jack and other major players are locked in a safe room, awaiting rescue, and revenge.

Season 5, Episode 13

09:41 The following takes place between 19:00 and 20:00

09:43
Barry the Badbeard is talking down Chloe from the shock of watching Stiles die. Feeling guilty for shouting at him constantly, she cannot work through her grief.

McGill discusses his mistakes with a guard and both blame him.

09:46
Tony acquires the torturer’s gun and threatens to kill Henderson for what he did to Michelle.

Jack avidly tries to talk Tony down from the murderous edge, knowing how important Henderson’s knowledge is.

09:47
Tony retreats, allowing the torture to continue. Weller struggles as Bauer keeps dosing him.

09:49
Hal continues trying to convince Logan to invoke martial law.

It’s getting irritating.

09:51
Bierko mobilises his other units, plotting to release the rest of the gas next time around.

09:52
The alarm sounds, signalling that the team only have 20 minutes to escape; an acidic element within the gas has already started eating through the safe room walls and ceilings.

09:53
Martha and Mike plot against Hal’s hold over Logan.

Between his glasses and her willpower, they’ve got to get through to him right? Right?!

09:56
Jack comes up with a plan to help clear the contaminated zones.

It involves him running through poisonous gas.

What time is it?

JACK BAUER TIME.

09:58
Armed with only a torch and duct tape, Bauer is taking on the best plans ex-CTU controllers and billionaire terrorists can come up with in 18 months.

10:02
They ascertain that McGill is the only person who can help unblock a computer a room above him.

10:04
Kim and Chloe have a chat, Chloe admits to spying on Kim to pass on information for Jack.

Kim feels comforted by this.

Both of them are kind of having a rough day.

10:05
The guard with McGill, Harry, joins his sacrifice to help save the team. He calls his family and McGill is thanked by everyone in the sealed office.

Both take deep breaths.

10:06
One of the best scenes of 24 yet. No mystery, no pretence. Good old-fashioned self-sacrifice – with music – by characters you’ve loved and hated.

10:09
Harry and McGill succumb to the poison, choking and dying quickly.

Binge-watching episodes in sort-of real-time gives you a slightly better relationship with the characters than a week-by-week watching, even if this way the characters make less sense. It’s tough watching McGill go.

10:12
The President argues the case for martial law to Martha, yet another bad, rash, decision of his that Martha cannot combat. Mike, too, watches on while The President unravels at the feet of his VP.

10:18

Jack says goodbye to Kim before leaving to take revenge.

Loading up a lethal dose of something nasty, Tony prepares to kill Henderson. In one moment of hesitation, Tony is stabbed with the needle by Henderson, who kills Tony and escapes.

It’s sad to see Tony go, but his desperation after Michelle’s death ensured that Tony could never operate effectively again.

10:19 End of Episode 13 (7pm – 8pm)
What we’ve learned:
– Jack doesn’t like Barry.
– Barry doesn’t like Jack.
– Tony’s dead
– Homeland Security are involved in the form of Karen Hayes, who intends on taking over the scene (and all of CTU) and replacing the questionable agents with her own.

Season 5,
Episode 14
10:22 The following takes place between 20:00 and 21:00
CTU discover a link between a freelancer intelligence expert named Collette Strenger and Bierko. Jack gets on her trail immediately.

This episode will need some pretty serious plot after the major deaths in the previous one.

10:27
Martha finally confronts Logan about Hal’s motivations towards the martial law plan.

Describing it as ‘disruptive’ and ‘distasteful’, he forces everyone into their homes due to the ‘war’.

That’d be a scary thing to turn on TV and see, right?

Scarier still is Homeland Security’s hostile takeover of CTU and their disregard of the dead agents.

Chloe picks a fight immediately, and we begin to suspect that these rule-abiding powerhouses are not going to take well to a vigilante anti-hero, offing terrorists on his own time.

10:29
Pierce gets a phone call.

Wayne Palmer! Back to save the day once more in a suspiciously lit car, avoiding the martial law in a desperate bid to get some information to Pierce.

10:34
After lots of chatter about takeovers and preparation for the attacks, we’re back on track.

Jack’s got a gun and is searching a building floor by floor with Curtis.

10:37
Curtis is attacked by Stenger’s lover, who forces Jack to drop his gun.

He introduces himself as Theo Stoller, German intelligence.

Yet another Englishman who might be a bad guy.

We’re beginning to feel very mistrusted.

But a nice cup of tea should sort that out.

10:39
Stoller doubts Jack’s will to break the rules and infringe upon his operation.

This will, naturally, provoke Bauer to wind him up in all ways possible.

10:41
As step one of usurping Stoller’s operation and enforcing his own agenda, Jack offers CTUs list of all known terrorists and pours Stoller a drink.

Good cop.

10:43
Chloe uses her decade or so of spy experience to spill a drink on someone to sneak back her key card.

Excellent spy work, team.

Next up: More aviators, please.

10:45
Jack hands over the ‘wet-list’ to Stoller as though the bargaining chip were a spare cigarette, while Homeland Security begin to suspect that CTU aren’t that happy about being neutered and taken over with their operative significantly further ahead than anyone else in the race to stop Bierko.

De ja vu, but hopefully it won’t last.

10:47
Bierko makes a purchase from Stenger to the tune of $10 million before burning the building down.

Unsure of what the purchase was, we can only assume it’s something very big and scary. And probably high-tech.

Stuff tends to be high-tech now.

10:49
Wayne Palmer is let through the curfew blockage, on Hal Gardner’s orders.

Suspicion levels are on full alert right now. Everyone’s doing shady deals and working alongside people that very much can not be trusted.

11:01 End of Episode 14 (8pm – 9pm)
Chloe admits handing over the ‘wet-list’ seems to have angered her superiors.

That is surprising, isn’t it?

No.

But now they’re all angry at Jack for doing it, so we’re pretty much back on track for the future.

What we’ve learned:
– Stenger trusted Theo Stoller, but he handed her over to Jack and CTU.
– Stoller trusted Jack, but he handed him a self-destructing copy of the NSA wet-list.
– We trusted 24 to get to the point this season, but with every interrogation, we seem to be getting a step further from Bierko.

Season 5, Episode 15

11:02 The following takes place between 21:00 – 22:00

11:03
Audrey claims Stenger is lying.

So that’s that solved then.

11:03
Peter Weller better return soon and do something maniacal.

Please.

11:05
Homeland Security are discussing torturing Audrey for the truth.

This is why they don’t get as many TV shows as CTU, because they spend too long discussing and not enough time torturing their own staff the moment they distrust them.

11:05
Karen Hayes just namedropped Nina Meyers.

That’s insensitive.

Now, back to the torture…

11:10
Bierko kills and strips two police officers in order to obtain a police escort to the very ominously named ‘target’.

Chloe discovers a connection between Audrey and Walt Cummings. We’re uncertain as to whether they’re
a) Domestic terrorists.
b) Sleeping together.
c) Both.

11:13
Along with Jayne Atkinson (Karen Hayes) and Evelyn Martin (Sandrine Holt), Kate Mara has rocked up playing Shari Rothenburg, a Homeland Security analyst.

All three actresses will go on to star in House of Cards.

11:14
Jack presses Audrey about her relationship with Cummings.

We can officially confirm that they did indeed sleep together. Just once.

She broke it off with him because he wasn’t Jack. Aww.

That means Audrey’s less terroristy, right?

11:15
Kim Raver, as Audrey, is kind of owning this scene.

11:16
Conclusion: Audrey is not a terrorist!

11:16
No, wait. Updated Conclusion: Audrey might still be a terrorist.

Homeland Security aren’t as trusting as CTU.

11:17
Shari is being sexually harassed by Miles, her boss.

Not a clue how it relates, but we’re on the subject of sex now, so we’re apparently running with it.

11:19
Jack is detained after interrogating Audrey in order to stop him stopping the detention and interrogation of Audrey.

It’s revealing that Hal had no part in the Wayne Palmer attack, it was all..

PETER WELLER.

If he puts aviators on at this time of night, we may defect and start rooting for him.

11:21
Jack sums up the current situation in just under 44 sentences.

Basically, don’t trust anyone.

Sorted.

11:22
Chloe is sticking up for Shari against the possibly sexually aggressive Miles. Kate Mara’s face is so caked in make-up it’s difficult to tell if she’s acting, or even really moving. A waste.

11:24
Hey guys,

Jack hasn’t killed or tortured anyone in, like, a REALLY long time and stuff.

We must be overdue a really bad one.

What? We sound excited? Certainly not…

11:26
Bierko is now plotting to unleash the Sentox (yeah, remember that?) into the gas pipes, but requires the PSI cut by half or else the gas becomes inert.

This forces Julian Sands to get really very English to make people do what he wants.

They will do, old chap, don’t worry yourself.

11:27
Wayne Palmer’s okay. And by okay, we mean he’s got a huge automatic rifle.

Fun, ahoy.

11:27
Homeland Security are still torturing Audrey.

11:27
REALLY loud shouting.

11:28
Stenger is having a deal that can only be retracted by the President retracted by someone other than the President.

Yes, it’s Jack.

He’s punched a guy out and stolen his gun so it’s probably legal and binding.

11:29
Possibly final updated conclusion: Audrey is now NOT a terrorist again.

But she has been a bit tortured.

11:30
And is still being tortured.

11:31
Jack bursts in, all is well.

Phew.

Audrey’s a bit sweaty but definitively NOT a terrorist.

For now.

11:34
Everyone’s searching for the most likely natural gas distribution centre.

Oh no, it’s okay, Kate Mara and her face know a decent amount about chemistry.

11:35
A trained team military-style chaps moves in on Pierce and Palmer with explosives and guns.

They drive away.

10/10.

11:38 End of Episode 15 (9pm – 10pm)

Chloe is back to using words like ‘approach-vector’ and Jack is barking orders at anyone in a six-mile radius and wielding a silenced pistol with his superiors look on in horror.

Feels like home.

What we’ve learned:
– 24’s varying pace can be annoying.
– From six degrees of separation to a shootout with Bierko in one episode. Nice.
– Kate Mara’s character is very odd.
– The Sentox is in the natural gas pipelines now. Uh-oh.

Season 5, Episode 16

11:43 The following takes place between 10pm and 11pm

Jack’s decided to blow up a natural gas plant in order to STOP a terrorist attack happening. It’s sort of brilliant. We think.

It looks like the plan has worked. But at what cost?

11:47
Homeland is taking over, there are whispers in all corners of the office.

11:49
Wayne Palmer is alive and has told Aaron the people firing on him don’t want him to learn the real reason his brother was killed.

11:52
Wayne is on top of the IT lingo now, tracing IP addresses directly to Evelyn’s address. She is denying everything. The tears give it away.

Confession time. They have Evelyn’s daughter, she has evidence on who is behind everything that’s happening today. Palmer and Aaron put her mind at ease by telling her both she and her daughter will die.

New mission: Rescue Evelyn’s daughter in return for evidence.

11:53
The split screen comes in handy: it shows Jack in the bottom corner cleaning the soot from his face. That’ll explain why he’ll be clean faced in the next shot.

11:55
Palmer is calling in help from Bauer.

12:03
Everyone is being fired at CTU. Chloe has kept her job and she doesn’t look any happier.

It says something about the world when Chloe is the only person anyone will trust inside CTU.

12:05
Lots of gushing over David Palmer these past ten minutes.

“He was a wonderful man,” says Evelyn.

12:07
The emotions keep on hitting as Evelyn has a heartbreaking chat with her daughter. Jack was patched in and he didn’t even shed a tear.

12:10
Jack Bauer introduces himself to Evelyn. He promises he’s going to give her Evelyn’s daughter back. He doesn’t even know this woman.

12:15
Chalk another one on the Bauer kill count. Henchman taken down from behind with two shots to the back.

12:16
Wayne Palmer takes one down.

12:17
Oh my. Jack slices the throat of the sniper.

12:19
There are a lot of bogies going down.

12:22 End of Episode 16 (Day 5)
Jack interrogates Evelyn who says the Vice President has nothing to do with this.

What We’ve Learned:
– Evelyn was telling the truth.
– The Palmer name isn’t welcome in Presidential circles anymore
– Will CTU ever be uncompromised?

Season 5, Episode 17

12:28 The following takes place between 11pm and 12am

12:30
Do CTU agents need to go on a refresher course for first aid every three years? Jack knows how to look after a bullet wound. That’s surely not in the syllabus. Jack is “cleaning” the wound sustained by Evelyn.

12:31
Evelyn’s evidence is that it’s the President, not the VP, who ordered the gas to be used. Bauer needs to get Audrey to talk to her father.

12:33
Turns out it was Henderson’s decision to kill David Palmer and now everything is out of control.

The President, meanwhile, is putting out an order for the immediate arrest of Jack Bauer for the role he played in the assassination of David Palmer.

12:37
Chloe can use a VPN pathway to stop people hacking Audrey’s phone.

12:39
Audrey is going home to get some sleep. Sleep! That’s never happened before has it?

We know she’s not really getting any sleep, and so do Homeland Security: they’re putting a tracker on her car.

12:40
Bauer Trick #5593: Jack can pick locks.

12:44
Audrey has performed the ol’ switcheroo with her tracker and a neighbouring truck.

12:46
Right place, right time. Aaron has just heard the VP tell the President that Bauer has an arrest warrant out on him.

Tensions growing between the top two men in the country.

12:49
Evelyn hops to the bathroom but collapses and hits her head. Amy calls 911 and now Henderson knows where she is.

Kids, eh?

12:54
Bauer and Palmer have infiltrated the bank. Palmer has been compromised.

12:59
Henderson knows Bauer’s location and is heading there now.

13:01
They’re onto Chloe at CTU.

13:01
Jack has the evidence! But Henderson’s men have just hit the scene. Prepare for the kill count to double.

13:05
Chloe knows a trick or two. She’s corrupted the satellite link. Although she did have to log into the server with her username. Now everyone will know of her handiwork.

13:09
Chalk up another two to the Bauer kill count. The bank manager takes one to the gut but makes it out with Jack and Wayne – he’s just not breathing.

13:11 End of Episode 17 (Day 5)
What We’ve Learned:
– Presidents will never be as good as David Palmer.

Season 5, Episode 18

13:11 The following takes place between 12am and 1am
Jack is talking about taking down the President of the United States.

13:14
In a roundabout twist of events, it’s Chloe who is now the mole inside CTU/Homeland and they’re going to smoke her out.

13:17
Heller has landed and he has met up with Audrey and Jack. About to be filled in with the information.

13:19
This plot by the President was all to gain control of the oil supply in central Asia? Shades of Day Two.

13:21
SHOCK TWIST!

Heller turns on Jack! The evidence is going to be used to broker a deal with the President but Jack reminds us all: “YOU CAN’T TRUST HIM!”

You can never trust anyone.

13:23
Chloe has slipped up.

Damnit, Chloe!

13:24
The President wants CTU/Homeland to recall their team as he wants to handle Bauer personally.

13:32
Chloe has been arrested, but she uses her charm to get out of the holding cell.

“Miles, I don’t think you’re as big of a jerk as you’re pretending to be.”

See? Charm.

13:33
There are a lot of people at CTU but only a couple of desks. Are they operating a standing desk policy?

13:35
All the First Lady wants is to get her man into bed. But Heller has called and sleep is going to have to wait, for the President at least.

13:39
Heller is confessing all to the President. This can only end well.

13:40
Heller wants the charges against Jack dropped, his daughter to go free and the President to resign. Then the recording will be released.

13:43
Jack is burning his shackles off, causing himself personal harm. Does that count as torture?

He and Audrey have broken free and Bauer has a gun in his hands.

13:45
Bauer has the recording again! But now a helicopter carrying bodies to kill has arrived.

One down.

13:46
Another four go down as Henderson sneaks into the building and kidnaps Audrey.

13:49
Henderson has sliced Audrey’s artery and forces Jack to hand over the evidence. Jack now has to save Audrey and recover the evidence.

13:52 End of Episode 18 (Day 5)
What We’ve Learned:
– Chloe, yes, Chloe, is one of the only people you can trust.
– Corruption goes right to the top.

Season 5, Episode 19

13:54 The following takes place between 1am and 2am
Will Audrey survive? Will Jack get the evidence back?

What’s happened to Evelyn?

13:55
Heller is begging for Jack’s forgiveness. Why doesn’t anyone ever just trust Jack?

13:57
What a surprise, Jack needs the satellite uplink again. And again, Chloe is going to use a VPN pathway. She’s the boss.

13:58
Now Henderson is using the evidence as leverage to gain protection against the President.

14:00
Jack is in pursuit of Henderson, you know what that means? Turn your car lights off! Then turn them on again and ram the car off the road into a handily-placed haystack.

14:03
Heller has a helicopter on his tail and they’ve a laser sight on him, ready to shoot if Henderson doesn’t call it in.

Heller has more important things to worry about, like not talking on the phone while driving.

14:04
Heller is feeling the guilt and so has decided to drive his car off the road and kill himself rather than giving Henderson the satisfaction.

Audrey is calling for Jack to pull the trigger but the recording is yet to be accounted for.

14:06
The President isn’t worried that his wife knows everything.

“No one will believe her, they think she’s unstable,” he scoffs.

True love.

14:11
Jack has promised Audrey he’ll get the recording. Jack always makes good on his promises.

14:14
Hayes has Shari in questioning after finding out Chloe has escaped Homeland/CTU. It looks like Hayes might be starting to join the Bauer sympathy movement.

14:15
Just over an hour after they were locking lips, the President is confessing all to his wife who is now repulsed by him and breaking down in super crazy fashion.

14:17
The President has broken his wife’s heart. She has just told him she hates him… but she will keep her mouth shut. The President will see to that.

14:21
Henderson has woken up and tells Audrey that her father might have survived the fall, piling on the guilt. She has lost a lot of blood – she’s not the person you want to upset right now.

14:23
Jack is telling Audrey to leave as the helicopter has come for Henderson and lands in the car park. Audrey backs out of killing Henderson and his first decree upon being released? Kill Audrey.

14:24
That didn’t last long. Then, Curtis arrives and apprehends Henderson and takes out his goons.

14:27
Bauer is at the airfield again, trying to find the recording. He climbs on top of a fuel truck to gain access past the dozen or so guarding the plane.

14:27
Quick glimpse: There is a car next to the plane with British flags on it. The Prime Minister in LA?

14:28
Homeland have found Chloe and know she’s working out of Buchanan’s house. Damnit, Chloe! Why wasn’t your line more secure?

14:31
Novick has planted the seeds of doubt into Hayes’ head at Homeland and she’s jumping ship. Chloe and Bill have been warned and they’ve got to get out of there!

14:32 End of Episode 19 (Day 5)
What We’ve Learned:
– The President is keeping his own counsel.
– The British Prime Minister could be on the plane.
– Wearing a hood apparently makes your incognito to airport staff.

Season 5, Episode 20

14:34 The following takes place between 2am and 3am
Jack has got onto the plane.

Bill, Karen and Chloe working together can only be a good thing.

14:40
Karen Hayes has given Chloe access to the flight details who in turn has passed them onto Jack.

14:41
With a slap of the fist, the air marshal is out and Jack is now in control of this plane.

14:43
The First Lady wants medication – but she’s drinking wine. Kids – you don’t drink when you’re on medication.

14:46
The First Lady is trying to confess to Novick, but her head is all messed up… plus she’s loopy, according to her husband.

14:48
“This isn’t National Security Mike, this is my marriage.”

Saying that won’t help change people’s minds.

14:49
Jack is pointing a gun at the face of the German onboard the plane. Again, with the best will in the world, even Jack must know he can’t fire a gun on a plane.

14:51
The Air Marshal is awake and now the Captain is going to turn the plane around. Handy for Jack, but has he got the right man?

14:55
The Air Marshal knows Jack is in the cargo hold and has agreed with the Captain that he should de-pressurise the hold!

14:58
Recap: Jack has both a knife and a gun onboard this flight. Normal folk can’t even get more than 25ml of fluid on board.

15:00
The Captain isn’t afraid of Jack. He’s going to land that aeroplane. Something tells us this Captain might be the one with the recording.

15:06
The President has made his intentions clear, he wants the plane down and Jack taken into custody by his secret service operatives.

15:07
Chloe has found the culprit! It’s the co-pilot. Our guess was close.

15:10
Jack is in the cockpit! With a gun in his face, the co-pilot hands over the evidence. Will he land the plane?

15:12 End of Episode 20 (Day 5)
What We’ve Learned:
– The First Lady is a crazy drunk..
– The co-pilot doesn’t realise that Jack could easily land the plane himself, blindfolded.

Season 5, Episode 21

15:13 The following takes place between 3am and 4am
The President has to shoot down the plane, otherwise he goes to jail for treason and murder.

15:20
Audrey should be OK! Also, her father survived the crash!

15:22
The President seems reluctant to shoot down the plane – but he was fine with releasing a toxic gas. Go figure.

15:26
The green light has been given to shoot down the plane! The fifty innocent passengers on board be damned!

The co-pilot is going to have to land this plane, on a freeway… with his hands cuffed.

15:31
Very tense stuff as the plane is stuck in a dive with only 20 seconds before the F-18 can shoot them down.

15:32
Novick and the Admiral plead with the President to abort. He takes some time but agrees. Now Jack just has to land a plane on a freeway!

15:34
He’s done it! But unlike other charter flights, the passengers aren’t applauding their pilot. This is one case when they really should be. They’re unaware of how close they came to death.

15:38
Miles is beginning to be a right pain in Karen’s neck. He wants answers.

15:41
As Karen fills in Miles and Jack heads back to CTU, they are preparing to move Bierko.

15:42
It was never going to be a good move. Nods between Bierko and the driver indicate that this is all going to go sour soon.

15:43
The President has been informed Bauer has escaped.

Why won’t he just confess?

15:45
Jack is at CTU and has given Chloe the recording. He really must trust her implicitly.

15:46
Audrey and Jack are reunited, they smooch. This is turning into a romantic drama as she slowly strokes his face.

Three hours to go to wrap this up.

15:48
The President has a gun. Is he going to take his own life?

15:51
The President has gone to have what will possibly be the last chat he will have with his wife, who is watching the news reporting on mourners for David Palmer.

15:55
The President pours himself one last drink, takes the gun into his hands… and gets a call from CTU. It’s Miles. He is compelled to intervene.

Damnit, Miles!

15:57 End of Episode 21 (Day 5)
What We’ve Learned:
– There is always someone who is willing to forgo morals and principals to get ahead.
– The fate of the United States is now in Chloe’s hands.
– Pray.

Season 5, Episode 22

15:58 The following takes place between 4am and 5am
Has Miles corrupted the recording?

15:59
The recording has been compromised! Miles, you tricky beast!

16:00
Jack has got his hands on Miles, Karen doesn’t put much effort in to stop him.

Miles has been transferred… to the White House!

16:03
Bierko has escaped!

Where’s Evelyn and Amy?

Bauer hasn’t killed anyone in hours.

16:07
The First Lady wants Aaron to get his phone back… but he might not have any use for it, as the President has Aaron tied up and beaten.

16:11
The President is informed of Bierko’s escape. He is shocked. Shocked!

16:12
CTU are considering offering Henderson a deal to see if he knows anything about Bierko.

Bauer is furious. Furious!

But he agrees.

16:15
Henderson has agreed to make a deal, but he wants to disappear, not immunity.

16:17
Audrey is up and out of the hospital bed. Jack tells her of Henderson’s immunity and she’s not happy.

16:18
Chloe can’t get through a Phoenix firewall!

16:20
CTU are sending Henderson out with Jack to meet a contact who might be involved with Bierko. Jack has promised to kill Henderson if he makes a false move. It’s been so long since he killed a man, we think Jack might have lost his touch.

16:22
Aaron is being forced into the trunk of a car when The First Lady walks in, a fight ensues and the First Lady shoots the bad guy!

First Lady 1, Jack Bauer 0 – in the last few hours anyway.

16:30
Henderson has sold Bauer out! The files are being wiped. It looks as though Beaker from The Muppets is one of those files.

***********

16:31
Henderson claims he was working and had the firewall lowered and all the files were getting put, unprotected, on a flash drive until Bauer jumped the gun. It’s hard to know who to believe.

16:32
The First Lady cleans up Aaron Pierce, who is going to dispose of the body and then he will lay low. Aaron tells the First Lady to confide in Mike Novick. Tender moments.

16:34
Jack has been in the air and now it looks like he’s going underwater – the nuke could be on a submarine.

16:36
Bierko is at the sub and has dumped the toxins inside!

16:38 End of Episode 22 (Day 5)
What We’ve Learned:
– The First Lady has a thing for Aaron Pierce
– No one has spared a second thought for Wayne Palmer or the bank manager who was killed in the crossfire.
– Bierko has control of the weapons aboard the submarine.

Season 5, Episode 23

16:39 The following takes place between 5am and 6am

Bierko has the submarine and is preparing to launch the missiles.

16:42
Chloe doesn’t know what a signal tube is.

Amateur.

16:43
There is a friendly on the sub. He doesn’t appear to be over 16 years old.

16:45
Bauer is making the kid kill for him. Do your dirty work yourself Jack.

16:48
Bauer explains in graphic details how to make the kill.

“Cut him deep, cut him fast.”

The kill is awkward and uncomfortable.

16:49
Less than 7 minutes until the missles launch!

16:52
Mirror, signal, maneuver. Teamwork aboard the sub as the missles are armed.

16:52
Knife kill! Jack is back in the game!

16:53
Bauer has left Henderson to override the missle launch. Putting a lot of trust in this fellow.

16:53
Gun kill!

16:55
Henderson has stopped the missles and Jack has just broken Bierko’s neck. We assume he burnt the head of the other bad guy too. Two more kills.

16:56
Henderson has tried to escape but our Jack has outwitted him!

16:57
Personal kill!

“You were responsible for the deaths of David Palmer, Tony Almedia and Michelle Dessler. They were friends of mine.”

16:59
Jack isn’t heading back to CTU. He’s going after Logan!

17:03
Mike Novick has been brought up to speed by the First Lady and Aaron Pierce. He gives that look through his glasses that sticks his eyebrow to the rim.

17:07
Mike thinks Jack is going to “physically coerce” the President. That means torture, folks.

17:09
Chloe has brought in her ex-husband. Morris is in the building and has already stolen the entire series.

17:13
After being up all night, the President is set to board a chopper to get to the airfield to do press with David Palmer’s casket. The First Lady is doing her bit to delay his trip so Jack and Aaron can find a way of getting the confession.

17:15
SMOOCH!

That’s how to distract a man, use your womanly ways.

17:17 End of Episode 23 (Day 5)
What We’ve Learned:
– The President will do anything for love.
– But he won’t do that.

Season 5, Episode 24

17:18 The following takes place between 6am and 7am

17:24
Jack has replaced one of the pilots on the helicopter.

17:27
Jack and the President, face to face in the helicopter. Two kills wasted by a taser.

17:29
“DAMNIT BAUER!” – The President

17:30
The President has just mentioned Kim. Another bad move.

17:32
Why didn’t it work out with Chloe and Morris? They seem perfect for each other.

17:35
The President has mentioned torture twice. Don’t poke the bear, Mr. President.

17:38
The President has outwitted Jack Bauer. All the Presidents men have arrived on scene and captured Jack. This has to be all part of the plan.

17:40
It’s time to say goodbye to David Palmer.

17:42
The First Lady has lost it, screaming that David was murdered. Now the President has taken his wife into a secluded room to give her a piece of his mind.

17:43
The President is confessing to everything. If only someone were recording this.

17:46
Bauer had a recording device on the President all along!

17:48
We had hoped that the recording would be played over the President’s press conference much like in Batman.

17:50
The President gives his best Richard Nixon impression, citing “ridiculous accusations”, his joules rattling as he does.

17:52
Jack and Audrey are reunited when Jack gets a call from Kim!

17:53
Will there be any rest for Jack Bauer? He goes to take the phone call but is assaulted by men in masks who knock him out and carry him away.

17:59
Bauer begs for death in front of his captors – the Chinese, wanting revenge for the events of 18 months ago. He’s on a ship, heading away from American soil.

18:00 End of Episode 24 and End of Season 5

What We’ve Learned:
– The Chinese never forget.

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