James R | On 10, Nov 2013

G.I. Joe: Retaliation is now on Netflix UK. And, in case you didn’t gather from our review, it’s not very good.

You know who is very good, though? Jonathan Pryce. The BAFTA, Golden Globe and Emmy-nominated actor, who wowed on stage performing Harold Pinter, wooed on screen with Evita and blew minds open in Brazil, has never been afraid to ham it up for a supporting role in an action franchise (see Pirates of the Caribbean). So it’s great to see him back for another bite of pork-flavoured scenery as the US President in the sequel to G.I. Joe. Usurped by a lookalike bad guy with plans to blow up the world, he plays both POTUS and the bogus POTUS with the kind of smile that made him such a perfect Bond villain in Tomorrow Never Dies.

We may not have that much fun overall watching the film – but you can tell he’s having a ball.

To celebrate the almost-worth-watching-it-for-but-not-quite awesomeness of the one and only Mr. Pryce, here are eight actual lines of dialogue he actually says in G.I. Joe: Retaliation.

Said while torturing the US President, tied up in a chair:

“They say this is a thankless job, but yesterday? I hung out with Bono!”

 
Spoken with a smile that admits he knows this sentence makes no sense:

“I’m the quicker blower-upper, baby!”

 
Spot the dramatic pause:

“They call it a waterboard, but… I never get bored.”

 
After waging nuclear war on every other major political power in the world:

“Well, the good news is no global warming summit next month.”

 
Said like a crazy person:

“Good to see we’re not running low on crazy!”

 
In reply to someone saying they’re from Fox News:

“That would be why you look so fair and balanced.”

 
In the manner of Spice Girl singing “Who Do You Think You Are”, complete with hand movements:

“This country is at war. With you and you and you and you and you.”

 
With a maniacal grin:

“The U.S. nuclear arsenal is capable of destroying each of your countries 14 times over. Fifteen, in the case of North Korea, just to be sure.”

 
In case that makes you really want to see G.I. Joe: Retaliation on Netflix, here’s why we wouldn’t bother.

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