A first-timer’s guide to The X-Files (or, the 21 best episodes to watch)

David Farnor | On 26, Jan 2016

“What do you mean, you haven’t seen The X-Files?” That’s what everyone I know has been saying to me since Fox announced it was bringing back its sci-fi series for a limited six-episode run. The shock would continue for several minutes. “Never? You’ve NEVER seen The X-Files?”

It would be understandable if this were 1996, when the show was at its peak – a time when Twitter didn’t exist, so there was no online place to share our excitement about strange monsters and David Duchovny’s facial expression. But it’s 2016 and, well, I was busy in the 1990s. It didn’t seem to matter that all I knew of The X-Files I had basically gleaned from The Simpsons.

Now, though, like many people who missed out on David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson’s heyday, I’ve been asking myself the same question ahead of the 2016 revival: do I need to have seen the old X-Files before I see the new X-Files? And, if so, which episodes should I watch?

And so I went crawling back to my friends, the ones who had all seen The X-Files, and asked which episodes were the essential ones to watch. I ended up with a list of 21 out of a total 202 episodes – a sort of top 10 per cent of The X-Files, if you will.

Is it really possible to just watch those 21 episodes and make sense of the whole show in time for the new series? I put the theory to the test. Because someone out there has got to help all of us X-Files newcomers. (Welcome, one and all. There is no judgement here.)

I went in knowing one thing: The X-Files is about two FBI agents, Mulder and Scully. And they investigate aliens. Is that enough to understand the show? And what more can I discover from just 21 hours of a series that spanned almost a decade?

From what I learned in each episode to whether they’re worth watching in the first place, this is a first-timer’s guide to The X-Files, written by an actual first-timer.

Pilot (Season 1, Episode 1)

What’s it about?
Chris Carter’s sci-fi gets off to exactly the start you’d expect, with Agent Dana Scully assigned to work with Agent Fox “Spooky” Mulder, who has a reputation for being weirdly obsessed with aliens (because his sister, Samantha, disappeared when he was 12) – just the kind of quality you look for in a co-worker. Their first case together involves some possible abductions, a suspicious local community and a guy who’s comatose and couldn’t possibly have anything to do it, therefore making him the number one suspect. So far, this all seems pretty straight forward.

It’s apparent immediately that Duchovny and Anderson have excellent chemistry together, even if Mulder and Scully’s methods involve little more than shining around powerful torches in forests and spray-painting a giant “X” on the road when weird stuff goes down.

By the end of the episode, they’ve amassed some pretty convincing evidence of paranormal activity – but it all gets burned down. Hey, it’s almost like some kind of government conspiracy, you guys. Is there going to be a suspicious fire every episode?

What I learned

Mulder and Scully are two FBI agents who investigate aliens. The Pentagon has its own Indiana Jones-sized warehouse to store alien artefacts, ruled over by a creepy, cigarette smoking man.

X-Files Rating (Out of 5)
XXXX

Deep Throat (Season 1, Episode 2)

What’s it about?

“Why would the US air force kidnap its own pilot?” asks Scully. “That’s the 64,000 dollar question,” replies Mulder. Oh yes, we’re definitely in 1993. She looks like Meg Ryan. He looks like a member of a boy band. All you need is Screech from Saved by the Bell to turn up and this would be the most 90s TV show ever made.

The plot? That ranges from the aforementioned pilot to strange lights above a military base. “Just because I can’t explain it, doesn’t mean they’re UFOs,” says one, before Mulder reminds them that’s exactly what the term “UFO” means. He must be great fun at parties.

The most intriguing mystery, though, is Mulder’s hair, which seems to get taller every time I look at it.

What I learned

Mulder and Scully sometimes get help from a government insider called “Deep Throat”, although he seems to have nothing to with Watergate or porn. Although that would be one heck of a twist for a season finale. Also, it turns out Seth Green was in The X-Files.

X-Files Rating (Out of 5)
XXX

Squeeze (Season 1, Episode 3)

What’s it about?

Three episodes in and The X-Files has already found its first classic – that’s good going by anyone’s standards. Squeeze introduces us to a guy called Tooms, who can contort himself to fit in air vents, which it turns out is pretty handy if you want to commit murders (a tip for all you wannabe serial killers at home). He’s your typical locked room assassin, but, you know, alien or something, which just makes the whole thing creepy – you’ll never think of air conditioning in the same way again.

Squeeze also solidifies the show’s case-of-the-week formula, which so far is working brilliantly – in a modern age of serial drama, such as Breaking Bad, it’s a treat to go back to something so simply enjoyable. Dead bodies? Screws undoing themselves? It’s like Jonathan Creek in suits. Or Torchwood without John Barrowman.

What I learned

Sometimes, a serial killer is just a serial killer. Also, air vents are not your friends.

X-Files Rating (Out of 5)
XXXXX

Beyond the Sea (Season 1, Episode 13)

What’s it about?
13 episodes into Season 1 and one thing is abundantly clear: someone seriously needs to change those opening credits. “GOVERNMENT DENIES ALL KNOWLEDGE” scream the titles in large capital letters, before adding “THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE”. It’s like watching a four-year-old trying to use Tumblr.

If the credits are laughable, though, Beyond the Sea reveals The X-Files as a show with powerful emotional depths: this one sees Scully coming to terms with the loss of her dad, only to be won over by a guy’s claim to have psychic powers. Is he faking or not? It doesn’t matter. For once, Scully is the believer and Mulder is the sceptic – an intelligent, subtle role-switch that really is quite remarkable.

What I learned

It’s not just Mulder who believes in the paranormal.

X-Files Rating (Out of 5)
XXXXX

EBE (Season 1, Episode 17)

What’s it about?

After Deep Throat, it now turns out that Mulder has another friend – well, friends to be exact. This episode introduces us to The Lone Gunmen, a group of nerdy UFO enthusiasts who spend their time on the Internet hacking things and coming up with conspiracy theories. “I think it’s remotely plausible that someone would think you’re hot,” says one, as they meet Scully, in creepy, 90s-nerd fashion.

But if they’re anti-social, it’s nothing compared to Mulder, who seems to have no sense of physical intimacy whatsoever. Does he have to stand so close to Scully all the time? “There’s no one we can trust,” he tells her, stepping nearer, after Deep Throat proves less than reliable. Well, not when it comes to personal space, anyway.

What I learned
The truth is out there. BUT SO ARE LIES.

X-Files Rating (Out of 5)
XXXX

Tooms (Season 1, Episode 21)

What’s it about?

Tooms is back! Maybe he can be a regular guest star too. Like a weird, lizardy sidekick. After the last locked room mystery, this sequel is more of a standard cat-and-mouse affair, but it’s a nice demonstration of how varied The X-Files can be. Compared to Tooms’ snarls and hisses, though, it’s becoming obvious that Mulder only seems to have one facial expression. Is that intentional characterisation? Or is David Duchovny just wooden? One scene where he and Scully are presumably meant to bond romantically sees him offer a sandwich to her, only for her to point out she’d only put herself on the line for him. Then she offers him a drink. “If it’s iced tea, it must be love,” he comments. Does he have a fetish for iced tea we don’t know about? Maybe that was introduced in Episode 20 and I missed it. Here’s hoping that doesn’t become important later on.

What I learned

Mulder likes iced tea. Not that you can tell from his facial expression.

X-Files Rating (Out of 5)
XXXX

The Host (Season 2, Episode 2)

What’s it about?
“It felt like old times for a second,” sighs Mulder as he and Scully discuss a case. Has The X-Files division been shut down for good? That would make the next seven seasons pretty dull.

Splitting the couple up, though, does bring some variety to proceedings, as Mulder finds himself with another supposed friend at the FBI, despite wanting to quit.

Regardless of the office admin, though, this is still business as usual, with a case that involves a parasitic worm monster thing in a sewer. (If this isn’t The X-Files, because they’ve been shut down, then why the heck is everything so freaky?)

What I learned

Air vents. Parasitic sewer monsters. The X-Files is essentially a video guide to phobias you never knew you had.

X-Files Rating (Out of 5)
XXXX

Fresh Bones (Season 2, Episode 15)

What’s it about?

“The Statue of Liberty is on vacation,” quips one character in Episode 15 of Season 2. Sadly, he doesn’t mean literally, because that would be right up The X-Files’ street. But this tale of voodoo magic and bloody murder is a fascinating study of the power of belief: much like Mulder and his spooky theories, they only really work if you believe. Best of all, though, the old duo are back together again, after it seems that The X-Files have been reopened after all. Guess that means we’re stuck with those opening credits, then.

What I learned

Mulder doesn’t believe in everything.

X-Files Rating (Out of 5)
XXXX

Humbug (Season 2, Episode 20)

What’s it about?
“We found out you used to be a dog-faced boy,” Mulder informs one unfortunate fellow in this bizarre tale of circus freaks and, you guessed it, even more bizarre murders. But just as the case-of-the-week formula begins to feel routine, Humbug brings a darkly hilarious edge to proceedings; this is less sci-fi or horror and more straight-out comedy.

“What are you doing?” demands one suspect. “We’re exhuming… your potato,” our agents reply. The episode is full of such absurd statements, delivered with a matter-of-fact deadpan that makes them all the more hilarious.

“Oh, it must have been that other big, jigsaw-tattooed naked guy,” says Mulder, after tracking down a witness. Who knew that David Duchovny’s monotone was secretly a goldmine of perfect comic timing?

What I learned
The X-Files can be funny as well as scary. A quick post-episode Google for the writer (Darin Morgan) reveals that he’s done several episodes, including three in Episode 3 and even one in the new season – promisingly titled Mulder and Scully Meet the Were-Monster.

X-Files Rating (Out of 5)
XXXXX

Anasazi (Season 2, Episode 25), Blessing Way (Season 3, Episode 1), Paper Clip (Season 3, Episode 2)

What’s it about?

Ok, I think I’ve got this worked out. The X-Files basically consists of three types of episodes: the horror / sci-fi ones, the funny ones, and the conspiracy ones. This three-parter, which starts with a season finale and wraps up with the first two instalments of Season 3, seems to be the textbook example of the latter, as so many people recommended Paper Clip to me as essential X-Files viewing.

What we get over the first hour is ultimately a journey to a secret underground site that contains mysterious remains – only for the thing to be blown up by government officials. Remember that fire in the first episode? That really is the formula for this show’s over-arching conspiracy narrative: Mulder and Scully get a tip-off about a major cover-up, begin to expose it, discover something related to one of them, then have everything wiped out so they must start over again the following week.

In this case, the MacGuffin is a digital tape apparently containing the whole of The X-Files, which Mulder obtains from a hacker – something that triggers reactions from violent agents, the Cigarette Smoking Man (yes, he’s a regular) and even Mulder’s father, Bill. (Why someone called “Fox” would have such a boringly named dad is a mystery still waiting to be answered.) Along the way to discovering the truth behind a series of abductions and tests, Chris Carter’s extravagant story covers everything from a crucial revelation about what happened to Mulder’s sister to the appearance of an implant in Scully’s neck. Their boss, Skinner, meanwhile gets more screen-time and a chance to play the hero against the Cigarette Smoking Man. Oh, and it looks like Mulder has died at one point – a cliffhanger only beaten by the gun-toting showdown we found ourselves in at the start of Season 3.

What does it all mean? One person pointed out to me Paper Clip would be best watched as part of the whole mini-trilogy and that certainly meant that it made more sense. But true to expectation, everything gets essentially reset by the end of it – Scully apparently got abducted at some point, but she doesn’t want to talk about it; the tape was wiped but wasn’t really, so never mind; and nobody kills our main characters. Given we’re three seasons in, they have probably been loads of these mini-arcs already – and there are bound to be more to come. Do you need them all to follow the overall world of The X-Files? Probably not. But as part of a show that no doubt helped to establish the convention of leaving viewers with more questions than answers, this is cracking stuff. Let’s just not mention the laughable scenes involving Mulder’s pseudo-resurrection at the hands of Navajo elders.

What I learned

The X-Files has something to do with aliens. Also, shady government officials are not to be trusted. Who knew?

X-Files Rating (Out of 5)
XXXX

Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose (Season 3, Episode 4)

What’s it about?

Sure enough, we’re back in normal mode, just two episodes after that grand stunt – and if you lost your faith a little in Chris Carter’s show during that three-parter, this sensational one-hour tale will certainly restore it. Another written by Darin Morgan, it introduces Clyde, a guy who reckons he can see how people are going to die. Peter Boyle’s on Emmy-winning form as the mysterious guest, with Morgan’s script jumping back and forth between belief and scepticism about his claimed psychic powers – a moment when he “predicts” to Scully they’ll end up in bed together is both hilariously sleazy and desperately sad. This is what The X-Files is great at: finding the human drama within its stories of inhuman activity. “Sometimes it seems like everyone’s having sex but me,” sighs Clyde. It’s amusing, it’s tragic, and it constantly undermines and reinforces the show’s mythology. Superb.

What I learned

Psychics really do exist. And no one else remembers those mythology episodes either.

X-Files Rating (Out of 5)
XXXXX

Home (Season 4, Episode 2)

What’s it about?

Holy crap. Nobody warned me The X-Files would be this nasty. From the subtle emotions of Clyde Bruckman to the gory violence of Home, this Season 4 outing really does show the full range of The X-Files’ tone. If the series has reached for philosophical heights elsewhere, this is a descent into pure Texas Chainsaw Massacre territory, as we meet an inbred family with a habit of kidnapping and killing people. There are themes of maternity and family here, but there are also bucket-loads of blood. And limbs. And axes. Blimey.

What I learned

The X-Files is not afraid of fake blood.

X-Files Rating (Out of 5)
XXXXX

Musings of a Cigarette-Smoking Man (Season 4, Episode 7)

What’s it about?

That Cigarette Smoking Man is back again. What’s the deal with him, anyway? Is he really that intimidating? Just in case you weren’t convinced, William B. Davis gets an entire episode devoted to his thin-lipped spook, taking us through his life story – one that reveals him as a killer of Presidents and rigger of sporting events. A bit like the Stonecutters in The Simpsons, but without the paddles. It’s a smart bit of writing, as we see him listening in on the opening episode of Season 1 – confirming that he really has had eyes and ears everywhere all along. If the idea of him being involved with Area 51’s first close encounter doesn’t float your boat, though, there’s also a nice presentation of him as a failed writer – something that makes this sinister figure an unexpected source of pathos.

A conspiracy-building episode that manages to contribute to the mythology without losing its standalone charm, it’s worth watching this just for a bitter monologue in which the Cigarette Smoking Man talks about life being similar to a box of chocolates, like an angry Forrest Gump. If this were being made now, this is the kind of episode that would be hailed as a sign of the Greatest TV Show Ever Made,

What I learned

The Cigarette Smoking Man is as sad as he is sinister.

X-Files Rating (Out of 5)
XXXX
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Memento Mori (Season 4, Episode 14

What’s it about?

Spoiler alert if you want to avoid them: Scully discovers she has cancer in this episode. Her reaction is really quite moving, while David Duchovny’s usually static face actually shows some emotion – maybe his taciturn facade really is intentional, because it’s hugely affecting. Inevitably, the duo turn Dana’s medical condition into a case to solve, uncovering a tale of fertility, colonisation and cloning through a network of abductees. The conclusion? It probably had something to do with that metal chip placed in Scully’s neck when she was kidnapped. But don’t worry: once the credits roll, you can just ignore the whole thing once again, which gives this milestone of an episode an advantage over that three-parter from Season 2 and 3.

What I learned

David Duchovny does have feelings after all! Also, something to do with Scully getting abducted and having a metal chip shoved in her neck?

X-Files Rating (Out of 5)
XXXX

Bad Blood (Season 5, Episode 12)

What’s it about?

The one and only Vince Gilligan writes this one, which sees Mulder stake someone in the chest right in the opening minute – but are they really a vampire? Getting their stories straight for Skinner, Mulder and Scully swap accounts of events, giving us two flashbacks that contradict each other constantly. Duchovny’s comic delivery is sensational, while Anderson’s deadpan dismissal of his fanged theories are laugh-out-loud funny. But it’s Luke Wilson (Luke Wilson!) as the town sheriff who really makes this special, as Scully remembers him as a hot local cop and Mulder remembers him as a buck-toothed idiot. Her swooning while Wilson gurns (while wearing false teeth) is priceless.

What I learned

That Vince Gilligan guy will go far. When it wants to be, The X-Files is hilarious. Also, Luke Wilson was in The X-Files.

X-Files Rating (Out of 5)
XXXXX

Drive (Season 6, Episode 2)

What’s it about?

“We’re on domestic terrorism now. Yes, it’s a punishment,” says Mulder to Scully, as the two find themselves separated from The X-Files and placed under the watch of some other department head who isn’t Skinner. (I miss Skinner.) But, of course, the duo still stumble across odd happenings – in this instance, a man with a strange thing in his ear that means if he stops moving, his head will explode.

Bryan Cranston plays the guy, making this the first time he and Vince Gilligan worked together – legend has it that Cranston’s sympathetic desperation stuck in Gilligan’s mind when it came to casting Walter White in Breaking Bad. Whether that’s true or not, they certainly come up with something memorable, as Cranston’s character hijacks Mulder’s car and they end up in a high-pursuit chase across America. Think Speed, but with aliens – and then be impressed that the script has already beaten you to it. “I think I’ve seen that movie,” jokes Mulder.

What I learned

Bryan Cranston + Vince Gilligan = excellence.

X-Files Rating (Out of 5)
XXXX

Triangle (Season 6, Episode 3)

What’s it about?
Has it really taken The X-Files six seasons to get around to investigating the Bermuda Triangle? Honestly, Carter. Sort it out. Here, Mulder races to board a luxury ship when it appears on the edge of the triangle – and then ends up transported back to 1939, because Bermuda Triangle. A game of period fancy dress ensues, from Duchovny donning a naval uniform to Anderson wearing, well, a fancy dress. The lavish production design is wonderful, while split-screen editing between the past and present is as stylish as The X-Files has been yet. But it’s the kiss between the leads that surprises: after all that will-they-won’t-they tension simmering in all of these episodes, it’s wonderful to see something actually happen. Or you know, not happen. Because it’s 1939 or something.

What I learned

David Duchovny looks good in a uniform. Don’t trust triangles.

X-Files Rating (Out of 5)
XXX

X Cops (Season 7, Episode 12)

What’s it about?
Seven seasons in and The X-Files is still capable of pulling out an inspired idea: a whole episode of The X-Files filmed like an episode of TV show Cops. I take back what I said earlier: it is officially not possible to make a more 90s TV show than this episode right here. People from the reality series appear, alongside Duchovny and Scully, and it’s surprising just how much realism the handheld cameras bring to the events – which basically involve a monster prowling the streets of LA. It’s clever, funny, surprising – and, yes, is written once more by Vince Gilligan. Someone should hire him to write a show about a drug dealer or something.

What I learned

Forget The X-Files’ revival, maybe they should bring Cops back.

X-Files Rating (Out of 5)
XXXX

Badlaa (Season 8, Episode 10)

What’s it about?

Scully investigates a string of bloody deaths with… wait, who’s this fella? Mulder, it turns out, has gone missing – I’m taking a wild guess: aliens. (If this were now, the Internet would be full of theories about how Mulder will turn out to be Kylo Ren.) And so Scully spends what I presume is the rest of the show’s episodes with new partner John Doggett (played by Robert Patrick).

Their case this week is an Indian mystic with the power to alter people’s perceptions, a gift that he uses to impersonate other people – and then climb into their bowels and kill them by crawling back out. As well as perhaps borderline racist, this butt genie guy is gross and disturbing – not least because the he’s played by Deep Roy, who I last saw as the child-friendly Oompa-Loompas in Tim Burton’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – but there’s something else off here. Now, the male of our lead couple is the sceptic and Scully is the believer, but despite Patrick’s best efforts to be funny and close-minded, it just doesn’t work.

The episode climaxes with a crisis of faith for Scully, as she realises her paranormal investigating skills can never live up to Mulder’s. You begin to feel the same: without Mulder, this just isn’t the same. No wonder nobody recommended episodes from Season 9 to me.

What I learned

The X-Files without Mulder isn’t The X-Files. I’m now going to pretend the original run of the show ended here.

X-Files Rating (Out of 5)
XX

So what did I learn?

So, after watching 21 episodes of The X-Files, what did I learn? In short, that The X-Files is about two FBI agents, Mulder and Scully. And they investigate aliens.

In other words, you don’t need to watch all of The X-Files to jump straight in to The X-Files at any point. (In your face, friends.) You certainly don’t need to watch all those mythology episodes I haven’t seen either. Which is actually part of what makes the show so brilliant and timeless.

But you know what? You should watch The X-Files. It’s smart, funny, scary and influenced a ton of shows that came after it. Government conspiracies, aliens, science fiction, comedy and horror, all in one TV show? What more could you want? And hey, if you are going to watch some of The X-Files, these 21 episodes are a great place to start. Especially, you know, the bits with the aliens.