David Farnor | On 20, Oct 2016

Director: Michael Lichtenstein
Cast: Jess Weixler
Certificate: 18
Watch Teeth online in the UK: Apple TV (iTunes) / TalkTalk TV / Prime Video (Buy/Rent) / Google Play

Dawn (Weixler) is a innocent young girl. The head of a chastity group, she wouldn’t say boo to a goose. But she would bite its head off with her vagina. Touring around America, telling kids to be pure, she smiles sweetly as she pledges to save her gift until marriage. Her husband is in for a very nasty surprise.

Michael Lichtenstein’s comedy-horror is a strange beast, refusing to bare its dentures at the start. The tension rises slowly under the cover as questions go unanswered. How did step-brother Brad get that cut on his finger? Will Dawn and classmate Tobey ever get it on? What kind of mind comes up with this stuff?

Sure enough, Dawn and Tobey cautiously start to flirt. They have no chemistry and neither are particularly hot, but they eventually end up exchanging fluids. And bite marks. Tobey, you see, didn’t have Dawn’s consent. His manhood severed, he runs away screaming.

At this point, Teeth descends into comedy. After freaking out, Dawn nips (ahem) to the doctor’s. Her fears confirmed, she turns into a castration machine. Brad, the doctor, even a homeless guy – they all get the snip. A cautionary tale for men? It’s sometimes more laughable than laugh-inducing. Whether that’s intentional or not will decide how much you’re prepared to swallow. But as the dismemberments pile up, you wish Teeth’s satire had just a bit more bite.

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