Bauerthon: A 24 Season 7 recap
Staff Reporter | On 07, May 2014
Two weeks ago, we embarked upon a dangerous mission: to watch all of 24 in one go and catch up on the series’ escapades before it returns for Live Another Day on Wednesday 7th May.
After all, 24 is the show that virtually invented the concept of binge-viewing, so what better way to celebrate that in a time when binge-viewing has become mainstream than by returning to the one that started it all? 8 days of 24 in 6 days? We named it Bauerthon and started live blogging immediately.
With 8 days to go until the new season actually arrives, we bring the edited highlights of the event – so you can remind yourself of what’s happened to Jack over the years without having to go through what we did.
This is Bauerthon, aka. the longest day of our life.
Bauerthon: A Season 7 recap.
Season 7, Day 1
11:44 The following takes place between 8am and 9am (Day 7)
A man tells his daughter off for using her phone when he then takes a call whilst driving. His car is rammed, then again. This is not an accident.
The man is taken away in a van, they want him to fix something.
Jack Bauer is defending himself in front of Senator Blaine Mayer (Kurtwood Smith) about the use of torture at CTU. We wonder if Jack has seen Robocop and what Kurtwood Smith did in that.
Jack did what he deemed necessary to save lives, the lives of children no less.
The court proceedings are interupted, Mayer is handed a file and Bauer is taken away.
All the big names are being pulled out for Day 7.
Janeane Garofalo is playing an FBI agent. She says the man taken away was Michael Latham, he must have a purpose.
We then see a bloody and beaten Latham working on some electronics – perhaps making a trigger for a nuclear device like Morris did back in Day 6.
Jack is a rebel, but with a cause. He wants to stop terror. He doesn’t care what the FBI or anyone thinks of him, he just wants to do the job.
One of the men behind this new terrorist plot is someone Jack knows.
SHOCK TWIST #1: Tony Almeida is alive!
Almeida’s grave was dug up and the body inside was not his. Now they have Jack’s attention. He can’t believe it and, quite frankly, nor can we.
We see Tony controlling things with the thugs at the airport, he is covered in grime and stubble. The universal sign of a terrorist.
Tony has Latham, the device he was working on doesn’t work and Tony needs it fixed within minutes – otherwise, he has no need for Latham anymore.
It’s taken seven seasons but we have a female President!
The President has made a hard decision to put American lives at risk.
“Did anyone else lose sig?”
‘Sig’ being short for signal. The flight centre has been compromised.
The FBI thinks Tony is getting revenge for Michelle’s death against the government for letting Logan get off so easily.
Nothing can wait in Washington, Homeland Security need to speak to the President now.
The President and the Secretary of State don’t get along.
There are lots of secrets going on in the White House. As usual.
FBI Agent Renee Walker promises she can handle Bauer.
No one can handle Jack Bauer.
Jack doesn’t believe that Tony’s “dirty” (as Renee puts it). We’ve seen Tony. He’s more grubby than dirty.
Renee and Jack go to question Gabriel who has links to Almeida and a history with Jack. Perhaps he earned the scar on his cheek thanks to Jack’s handywork.
Jack has a gun pointed at Gabriel Schector’s face! He won’t answer the questions so Renee tells Jack he’s free to do what he needs to do.
Torture incoming. It’s only Episode 1. Blimey.
Ok, he didn’t do much but he did threaten torture. That counts.
12:25 End of Episode 1 (Day 7)
What We’ve Learned:
– CTU has been disbanded and the FBI given greater power.
– A Bauer never changes his spots.
– Tony Almeida is alive and has spoken to Jack.
– Planes are much more dangerous than nuclear missiles.
Season 7, Episode 2
12:27 The following takes place between 9am and 10am
Tony has control of a plane that’s flying in the sky. He is re-routing it to another destination.
The FBI know Almeida is in the plane’s system.
Jack and Chloe are chasing the sniper who took out Schector before he could talk to Jack.
Jack confesses to Renee that there is no way Almeida would have known where Jack is without there being an inside man within the FBI.
Tony is setting two planes up to crash into each other.
He could never have got away with this if the weather was clearer.
And oddly, it’s Almeida who saves the day, forcing one of the planes to pull up just as the other lands.
It was just a warning.
Tony has met with a man called Emerson. It appears Tony is working for him and they have been doing jobs together for the past three years, leading to this one last job.
The President has taken a meeting with former Prime Minister Ule Matobo to work on a post-invasion strategy in Sangala.
The President states the obvious. “This is technology, we should just be able to unplug them.”
Yes, you should, but then you wouldn’t have a gripping series.
Almeida’s sniper is stuck in the building but luckily Tony has a man on the inside of the FBI who gives the sniper a keycard and a jacket he can use to sneak out.
“It’s been a helluva morning,” says Jack. It’s only been an hour and a half, Jack. You’ve a long way to go.
Jack spots the sniper exiting the building and heading towards a getaway car.
Roger Taylor – the President’s husband – is seeking his own form of revenge on the person who apparently killed his son.
“Do you trust me?” Renee asks her boss without telling him anything about where she and Jack are going.
Clearly he doesn’t trust her as he gets Janice to spy and eavesdrop on them.
Renee is asking all the questions, as she asks Jack just how far would he have gone to get the information from Schector. Jack asks if it’s going to be a problem, she hopes not.
Mr. Taylor has met with his son’s former lover who was paid $4 million days after she found Roger’s dead body. She tells him that Roger killed himself, there was no murder. He doesn’t believe that.
Renee gives Jack a gun as they follow the sniper to a dock.
Jack beats information out of the sniper, not really torture.
Jack walks the sniper towards the ship. Guards don’t hesitate to shoot first, taking out their own man. Renee makes the save meaning Jack is still kill-less.
Renee finds a laptop deleting all files and data from the system, she’s too late to stop it.
Jack has found Tony. He chases him onto the deck on the ship, they make eye contact and the chase is on.
Jack wins when Renee appears.
Then, in a helicopter, the FBI arrive and it looks like Tony is going to be taken in, alive.
13:08 End of Episode 2 (Day 7)
What We’ve Learned:
– Reunions aren’t always happy.
– Renee is very much willing to fire the shots so Jack doesn’t have to.
– Jack remembers how he should act.
Season 7, Episode 3
13:09 The following takes place between 10am and 11am
Ike Dubaku is going to make America pay a very heavy price for killing his brother.
Almeida is at the FBI ready for questioning and Janice has been assigned with finding the mole.
Emerson wants to try and get Tony out of the FBI, but he is rebuffed.
Dubaku is impatient, having just sent his demands to the White House he now wants to start killing.
Jack wants to question Tony.
Jack pleads with Tony, telling him that he’s facing the death penalty if he doesn’t cooperate.
Jack pins Tony up against the wall, choking him out to get the information he needs. Torture? Not really, just passionate fighting.
Tony whispers “deep sky” to Jack, who makes a call to an old CTU emergency phone code. The person on the other end of the line is Bill Buchanan!
Bill is going to call Jack back in ten minutes on a secure VPN line… and who does he have with him? It’s Chloe!
Tony is an undercover agent!
The President’s son Roger was due to be investigated for insider trading, which is why he killed himself. The President knew about this and kept it from her husband.
Bill explains there is no agency anymore; they’re working outside the government and they need to get Tony back undercover.
Samantha calls Mr. Taylor and admits that Roger was murdered. They need to meet, alone.
Renee doesn’t think Almeida is going to break and suggests they need a more “forceful” approach.
Janice, meanwhile, might have found the mole in the FBI.
Can you imagine what would happen if Janice and Chloe were ever in the same room together?
The FBI are using Windows 7 servers.
Janice’s mole might not really be a mole. The guy’s wife is on one of the two hijacked flights which is why he was sneaking around with security.
Jack is conneted to Chloe via a secure VPN and has taken out Renee who was about to ship him out of the building. Bill is on his way to the FBI to pick them both up.
Chloe is directing Tony and Jack out of the FBI building like she’s playing some sort of video game.
Janice has found Chloe hacking the security subnet and is going to lock her out.
Chloe needs to get back into the FBI systems but Janice has pinged the IP and blocking her. Jack and Tony could be on their own.
It’s Chloe vs. Janice now. Jack and Tony escape out the window.
Jack fires a number of shots but makes no kills.
Jack hot-wires a car and drives it out of the third floor of the parking lot. Both he and Tony make it to the van and Bill drives them away.
13:51 End of Episode 3 (Day 7)
What We’ve Learned:
– Jack doesn’t know what is going on but Bill is about to fill him in.
– Dubaku wants the troops pulled out of his country or else American innocents will die.
– Even with a female President there is corruption at the White House and a conspiracy surrounding the death of Roger Taylor.
Season 7, Episode 4
13:52 The following takes place between 11am and 12pm
The FBI begin their search for Jack and Tony as we prepare for a mini CTU reunion.
Tony was dead for almost ten minutes.
Dave Emerson was the one who saved Tony because he fit the right profile of “someone who has a reason to hate the government”.
Tony was really working for Emerson for three years, doing bad things until he learned about the CIP device and that innocent American’s would die.
Jack begins to formulate a plan…
The flight that Sean’s wife is on still hasn’t landed! It’s right above the airport.
Janice is going out into the field. Get your coat.
Emerson wants Tony to kill Jack.
Jack attacks Emerson’s goons and shows his worth by being the bigger, stronger, better man.
Sean is impersonating Larry Moss to put his wife’s flight to the head of the queue to land. He knows Larry’s access code and so still could be the mole.
The President is asking Matobo to be patient as she tries to deal with this latest terrorist threat. He isn’t too happy.
Ethan’s reccomendation is to stand down, even if it means people will be slaughtered. After all, they’re not American people.
After some grilling by Emerson, Jack is welcomed aboard. Tony warns Jack not to underestimate Emerson.
The job has come in. They are to capture and deliver Matobo to an address where he’ll probably be tortured and killed.
Samantha confesses to Henry just how and why Roger was murdered. Roger had uncovered illegal accounts linking Sangala with a senior agent within the President’s administration. Everything is linked!
Renee is questioning Adam Tanner who has just woken up in hospital. She wants to know where Tony is and who they work for.
Renee wants to bend the rules to get the information, Janice isn’t comfortable with helping her do so. Renee begins to torture Adam, channelling her inner Bauer to get the information she needs.
Renee has got the information she needs. (I.e. That Tony is planning on kidnapping Matobos.
14:32 End of Episode 4 (Day 7)
What We’ve Learned:
– People can easily accept that death is often a part of being a government agent.
– Torture and the morals behind using it or not will be a big ethical discussion this season.
Season 7, Episode 5
14:38 The following takes place between 12pm and 1pm
Will Tony and Jack or the FBI get to Matobos first?
Renee has gone rogue, defying orders from Larry.
Meanwhile, Sean’s wife has now landed.
Mr. Eko’s brother from Lost is willing to die for Matobos, as Emerson tries every trick in the book to get into the safe house.
Before he can make the kill, his phone rings. This show has a habit of last second distractions.
Jack has a moment of inspiration. He’s going to gas Matobos out of the panic room.
Why doesn’t the panic room have gas masks?
Jack has managed to choke Matobos out of the panic room, just as Renee arrives on the scene.
Renee is captured by Emerson, but Jack saves her life.
The President learns that Dubaku has the CIP device and Matobos. She is told the best course of action is to give into the demands. This doesn’t sit well with her.
Sean is trouble.
He and Erica spent the night together last night. The cheating $!%?!
Emerson has it confirmed that Renee knows nothing and the execution order has been granted. Tony and Jack have their work cut out for them now.
Janice’s womanly instinct has picked up on the affections Larry has for Renee and tells Sean about it.
Henry has found out who killed his son! It was his driver, his aid, his friend, his secret service guard Brian that did it. Now, Brian is going to kill Henry.
Brian is going to kill Samatha too and make it seem like Henry killed her before topping himself.
Events are no longer occuring in real time.
Sean says he decoded a message five minutes ago – but if we go back five minutes he was sitting at the same desk as Janice chatting.
That or the director messed up on this one.
Jack has been ordered to kill Renee. He whispers at her to trust him – then he shoots her!
Don’t worry: she’s still alive, he only grazed her neck.
Emerson then gives the order to bury her.
15:17 End of Episode 5 (Day 7)
What We’ve Learned:
– It must be horrible to be buried alive.
– Nobody appears to have any moral fibre.
– There are still planes flying around in the air.
Season 7, Episode 6
15:19 The following takes place between 1pm and 2pm
The FBI know another attack is iminent and they simply must find Tony and Jack.
Chloe and Bill have found Renee and dig her up. They confess they’re working with Jack and that everything is going to be OK.
Emerson admits that it was Christopher Henderson who got Tony out of CTU. Henderson injected Tony with a toxin that would have made it appear he was dead and Jack had killed Henderson before Tony was revived.
Emerson snatches Bauer, Tony shoots a goon and it’s a stand off. Emerson thinks it’s all about the diamonds but it’s not. Tony shoots, Emerson is down and will probably bleed to death.
Jack STILL hasn’t killed ANYONE.
Dubaku wants Emerson’s team eliminated – he’s double crossed them!
Dubaku wants some planes to be rerouted to Washington DC. The President is made aware. Its time she made her decision.
With a littler persuasion from his wife, Matobo agrees to work with Jack. Meanwhile, Emerson dies and Tony feels all emotional.
Dubako is on the line with the President. He tells her to go to her window and look out. There is an explosion in the sky.
The President will not back down, she will not negotiate with terrorists. She is told she is encouraging another attack on the country. Secretary Stevens steps down.
It’s tough to be the President.
“Are you with the FBI?” – Matobo
“No, I’m a stay at home mom” – Chloe
Edgar hopes that they can use Henry to sway his wife’s thoughts, but Henry is still incapacitated at Samantha’s apartment.
Brian stabs and kills Samantha, without remorse.
Tony faces Nichols alone, having told him he’s killed Emerson. Tony gets the diamonds and Nicholls gives the kill order. Before his goon can fire, he is shot, hit by a sniper rifle. It’s Jack! Notching his first kill of the season.
Tony lets Nichols and the Matobos go.
Do any of these goons have families? Are these families not calling in missing person reports?
Like Bruce Banner turning into the Hulk, Henry begins to regain feeling in his body. He clenches his fists and chokes Brian as they both fall over the railing.
Brian is dead. The President’s husband is a murderer.
16:00 End of Episode 6 (Day 7)
What We’ve Learned:
– The President is only going to allow more innocent lives to die if she doesn’t react
– Jack and Tony make a formidable team.
– Is there a “My Husband Was a Henchman” helpline for distressed families?
Season 7, Episode 7
16:01 The following takes place between 2pm and 3pm
The President has to act quickly to stop the terrorists attacking again.
Matobo and Dubaku are face to face.
Jack, Tony, Bill and Renee are infiltrating the building where Matobo is being held. Renee is infiltrating from the inside, while the others wait for her to let them in on the roof.
Matobo’s wife believes in Jack Bauer. SO SAY WE ALL.
Janice has found the next possible target for Dubaku, a chemical plant in Ohio.
The President has been informed that the attack could cause up to 17,500 fatalities. She is shocked by the news but doesn’t do much about it.
Janine asks if they’ve tried flashing the memory cards? More technical mumbo jumbo designed to confuse the viewer.
Janine is pulling up schematics and details while on the phone to the plant manager. She is not on hands free, she is doing this one-handed. Take that, Chloe.
Bauer and crew have been compromised: Dubako knows they’re in the building.
Jack already has three kills.
Add two more as Tony nabs the CIP device – it’s been destroyed. But Dubako has escaped, maybe with Matobo.
No, Renee has the Matobos and has taken them to Chloe.
Dubako has Latham. He wires him with explosives and detonates him when Jack enters the room. He manages to find cover, however.
Dubako has escaped. Jack, Tony and Renee are OK. Latham is in pieces.
The plant manager has died being a hero. Janice wants to inform his family but Sean tells her she needs to backtrace the CIP device.
Edgar informs the President about her husband and his continuation to investigate their son’s death.
It never rains, it pours.
Henry has come to. He tries to leave the apartment but is intercepted by Vossler. Dubaku calls and wants Henry brought in.
The cobweb keeps spinning.
As they regroup, Jack says its time to call in outside agencies. Matobo calls the President and tells her that the CIP device has been destroyed and they need to talk. He will arrive in ten minutes.
Tony isn’t going in with Jack – he doesn’t want to get arrested just yet. Not until Dubaku is behind bars.
16:41 End of Episode 7 (Day 7)
What We’ve Learned:
– Dubaku has an American girlfriend.
– Everything remains connected and related to corruption within government organisations.
– Jack needs to up his game if he’s to get top kill count this season. He’s still lagging behind Renee.
– As always, no one is to be trusted.
Season 7, Episode 8
16:42 The following takes place between 3pm and 4pm
Henry is being taken to Dubaku as Jack and Bill are about to return to the FBI.
Dubaku is going to use Henry as leverage to get the President to remove American troops from his homeland.
Time for Jack to fill the President in on what’s been going on.
Dubaku is on the phone to the President. He wants the men out of his country and Matobo given over to him. To prove he’s serious, he gets his men to cut off Henry’s finger.
“You can trust me,” sayus Jack Bauer.
Of course we can, Jack, of course we can.
Renee contacts Larry at the FBI. She tells him that Jack Bauer is on their side and that the FBI has been compromised.
Larry wants to meet before he’ll help Renee. You seriously can’t trust anyone.
Janine knows about Sean and Erica.
Larry has met with Chloe and informs her and Jack about Vossler. Jack wants to know if Vossler has a family, he wants Vossler to think his family is in danger.
Jack fights for the right to torture. Good old Jack.
“The rules are what makes us better,” says Larry.
“Not today,” retorts Jack.
Not any other day Jack Bauer is in action either.
Dubaku has pulled out of his dinner date. It’s revealed that Dubaku pays the rent of his girlfriend, Marika.
Renee has hit the home of Vossler and is cuffing his wife to the table while their baby cries out.
Bauer has Vossler, he crashes into him and drags him out of the car. Jack demands to know where Henry is. Vossler isn’t giving up the details so he calls Renee who is off to torture the… baby?!
Renee is called a monster, but she didn’t do anything to the child.
Vossler and Jack get into a scrape, Vossler has a knife, Jack uses Vosslers force against himself and he is impaled on the knife.
Blade kill for Jack.
Renee learns of Vossler’s death and reacts badly. Jack tells her to get out if she can’t handle it. She agrees.
Marika’s sister knows that Dubaku isn’t really who he says he is. She wants their relationship to end otherwise she’s going to the feds.
That was not a wise move to make.
The fake Matobo sent in by the President has been discovered and Dubaku orders his men to destroy the car. One rocket launcher shot later and the President gets to see her men die.
Jack has arrived at the location that Henry is being held at. Tension rises as Dubaku calls and orders them to kill Henry!
Jack kills four of Dubaku’s men but Henry has taken a shot to the gut. Jack screams out to get an ambulance.
The First Gentleman(?) is dying.
17:23 End of Episode 8 (Day 7)
What We’ve Learned:
– Because of the actions of Jack Bauer for the past six seasons, government agencies are full of moles and against any form of torture to extract information. Unfortunately for the world and its safety, the only man they can rely on to bring justice, is Jack Bauer and his controversial means of extorting information.
Season 7, Episode 9
The Following Takes Place Between 4pm and 5pm
Jack’s kill count is slowly rising. Will he, however, address the torture/kill ratio and make it a balanced aggressive assault?
The First Fella (that’s better than “gentleman”) is stable, for now. Jack is trying to give comforting words on the phone to the President.
Chloe’s name is being brought up before the President, as a possible ally.
Damnit, Chloe, you’re getting everywhere.
The big bad guy relying on a woman’s love to escape the country is a flawed big bad guy.
Jack and Renee are rushing off to a place with great immediacy. Or they were before the commercial break. Now it’s a leisurely Sunday drive.
Chloe is in a car with a baby and an Englishman who wants Stanley Tucci’s career.
Tucche bag (thank you) is over-acting his big goodbye to Chloe.
Chloe has a big Mac to work on. Apple, not McD’s. She’s also being suspicious about Jack Bauer.
Chloe claims he’s the most trustworthy man she knows.
Stanley Tucci’s clone weeps.
Mary Lynn Rajskub and Janeane Garofalo are working in the same office. It’s like the alt-comedy scene of mid-90s LA all over again.
Jack and Renee have burst in on the big bad’s girl and her mother having a bit of a dispute. So much yelling.
Jack has truth-bombed the big bad’s gal, and now she’s trying to fake being fine on the phone to the bad guy.
24 may have stolen some scripts from Eastenders.
Chloe and Jack are discussing doing tracking projects. Conveniently, the FBI system is too bad for Chloe to do anything in a matter of seconds so they’re dragging it out for upwards of 2 minutes.
A retired FBI agent has appeared, once a key advisor for the military in The West Wing. How he changed career tracks is a mystery.
NOW the tracking is down.
You can look at the time stamps of these posts to see how long expert computer gal Chloe O’Brian took to do what would take a few seconds if CTU were still around.
The tracking is gone. DAMNIT, CHLOE!
Wait, it’s back up.
Garofalo is doing something, something bad.
Police are trying to roadblock Jack, thus losing the trace on the girl, and it’s all gone to the dogs.
There’s been a warrant out for Jack’s arrest, someone has set them all up.
Garofalo and Entourage’s Billy Walsh were partially conspiring, but Walsh is kinda annoyed that they’re still working for this guy hours after he’s done his big bad business.
18:09 End Of Episode 9, 4pm-5pm
Here’s what we learned:
– Chloe and the FBI system do not work well together.
– Janine Garofalo is totally moling out.
– When your husband is shot and you’re the president of the USA during a time of crisis, it’s totally ok to stand around and do nothing.
Season 7, Episode 10
18:12 The Following Takes Place Between 5pm and 6pm
Henry might die this hour, or not.
Also Billy Walsh from Entourage may or may not start to get annoyed at being a bad guy and twist to the FBI’s side. Or not.
Well, cards are out on the table for Bauer’s attempt to find the big bad guy. He knows his girl is in on the investigation.
We assume that Jack and Renee in the back of a police car starts an hour of police paperwork over the arrest and subsequent release when the FBI clears it up. Real time.
S’all cool, Dubaku and Marika sorted it all out, they’re gonna go have a fun time in paradise.
Jack and Renee are now driving a car fast while the score to the trailer of The Matrix and then about 50 other 2000-2003 cyberpunk films plays.
Now the car chase has become a footchase and also a car crash and things are happening.
No, wait, it’s over. The music has slowed, Dubaka is being captured by Bauer.
It’s essentially the end of the season, right?
Renee promised Marika’s mother that she’d protect Marika and thus there’s a fire in the car, Marika is trapped and it’s a race against time.
This was signposted about 40 minutes ago, foolish mother.
(She survives, just.)
Well, she survives the explosion. She then dies anyway, though, because of lack of good writing. Renee has blood on her hands, I guess that means she’s ready to go full Bauer.
Dubaku is currently in the hospital, where The President also is. Jack is going to watch over his body.
Dubaku went into cardiac arrest.
Billy Walsh has spent 5 minutes mumbling to a co-worker in a break room at the FBI.
FBI server room is the go-to place for moles to hang out during important data checks of disk drives. Someone should probably secure that place in the future.
Someone other than Jack just yelled “Damnit!
A female FBI agent in the server room is having to deal with not being able to do things to the new name database.
They’re losing everything now. Chloe is losing all the data.
The system is being crashed like the internet was 3 seasons ago.
Billy Walsh and girl mole are doing it in the server room. He’s shot her in the chest. WITH A GUN.
Billy Walsh has now shot himself to suggest self-defence.
“Don’t ask me how, but I did it” says Chloe when she announces she got the data files back.
The writers room must have spent 7-8 days without sleep before coming up with that.
Merika’s death is now the subject of conversation between Renee and Merika’s sister. Melodrama.
Renee is slapping Jack. “Do you feel that?” she screams.
Yes, it’s the writers struggling to format an exciting middle act for the season.
The President and her daughter are arguing because they don’t talk very often.
Remember when Jack Bauer spent an hour hijacking a gas station? Man, those seasons had pace.
This is just wheel-spinning.
Jack is sitting opposite the Washington Monument, thinking.
Tony Almeida without hair but a beard has sat next to him.
Tony says there’s a target in DC that’ll attack soon
Don’t know where, don’t know when.
18:54 End Of The Episode 10, 5-6pm
Here’s what we learned:
– Tony can info-drop in the middle of DC’s biggest landmarks and no one notices.
– Renee takes death hard for an FBI agent.
– Jack doesn’t deal with mortality. He is probably immortal.
– Chloe can make impossible things happen through the power of convenience.
Season 7, Episode 11
18:54 The Following Takes Place Between 6pm and 7pm
Another attack is coming. This could actively move the plot forward. Maybe.
Dubaku is dying. A nurse is on the inside. Everyone’s part of the conspiracy.
I n fact, only Jack, Renee, Chloe and the President aren’t in on it.
Yes, that means Jon Hamm is working for the terrorists as well. Hello, Jon Hamm.
Garofalo is getting into Chloe’s workspace and offering a helping hand. Chloe just did the pouty face.
According to a senator, Jack Bauer is a thug.
Jack Bauer walks into a room, smacks an army guy, then points a gun at a bad guy in a turtleneck. The senator may have a point.
It has taken 15 minutes for the FBI to find an orderly leaving the hospital post-Dubaku death. The FBI who are now in charge of what CTU would do in minutes.
Bauer has tasered the guy who was in contact with FBI computer moles an hour ago. They’re gonna “have a talk”.
For that, read “ANGRY YELLING”.
Chloe has been removed from office due to Janeane Garofalo. She’s always being suspected, yet never confirmed.
Damnit, Chloe, why do you let people run you down like this?
The FBI is now telling the White House about Bauer’s make-shift interogation. Bauer has enemies everywhere, and none of them are the frenemy type.
Jack tasered the phone as the President ordered him to stand down. This is meant to be iconic. It isn’t.
An hour and a bit after Jack Bauer was arrested he’s been arrested again.
The President is now being coaxed into agreeing with Bauer only minutes after she stopped him. But she won’t.
For some reason, she’s only a strong leader when it hurts Bauer’s investigations.
The President is now riding the bad guy Bauer tried to tase hard to get info.
“In your case, I would have no problems with the death penalty,” says the President.
This show is trying to be memorable and iconic. It really isn’t doing that well.
Debaku’s son is trying to get out there and help Tony Todd decimate DC. But it’s not working.
Speaking of not working, Jack Bauer is now in handcuffs.
The bad army is walking. They are walking a lot. So much walking that they have split-screened the walking for a minute now. 24’d of the Rings.
Renee has leapt onto a ship being taken by the bad guys to attack DC.
Renee is the new Jack Bauer. Only more emotional.
19:36 End Of Episode 11, 6pm-7pm
Here’s what we learned:
– An hour is a really long time.
– Tasing a phone may sound like a good idea but it’s wholy impractical.
– The President is like the head of CTU: useless.
– Chloe is always arrested because she’s easily framed, but she’s always hired back.
Season 7, Episode 12
19:37 The Following Takes Place Between 7pm and 8pm
Tony Todd’s gang are scuba diving with explosives in the nation’s capital.
Jack is angry for not being able to get the tased bad guy in a room with him and give him the full works.
The White House might be infiltrated, Secret service staff are being killed. It’s all about violence now.
Renee comes face to face with Dubaku’s son, she’s giving him all the info to turn him against Tony Todd.
That didn’t work, so she hit him with a shovel.
Jack was being taken to a holding cell and now he’s got a gun.
Turtleneck has been caught.
Bauer and The President are locked down. The President’s daughter is out in the open.
Seasons ago, 24 would have lots of action and excitement and Jack Bauer would be central to helping people out. Now he’s sitting down an awful lot.
The President is shocked to learn that she has moles in her White House. Hours ago she was talking about having bad people on the inside.
Jon Voight is annoyed that Tony Todd can’t get The President out of her panic room.
Jon Voight appears to be having fun. So that’s one of us.
So many people are discussing what to do with the White House issue. Nobody has said “Shoot everyone and make it super cool.”
The President’s daughter’s keeper is down. That’s the name of Roland Emmerich’s successful follow-up movie.
The man’s been shot and is dying, but he’s now teaching morse code to the daughter.
The President’s Daughter has been Taken.
Tony Todd has detailed how he’ll slaughter The President’s daughter if they don’t open the door. Jack refuses to open due to protocol.
The President is trying to make Bauer sympathise as a parent.
The doors are open, Jack is stepping out.
Tony Todd wants The President to make a statement to camera, before she is killed.
20:18 End Of Episode 12, 7pm-8pm
Here’s what we learned:
– The FBI will believe you have the president without any evidence in a white house siege.
– Tony Todd is bad.
– The President is a weak leader.
– Jack Bauer is not a fun guy to be stuck in a room with for an hour.
Season 7, Episode 13
20:29 The Following Takes Place Between 8pm and 9pm
The President is going to be killed soon, Jack Bauer is one of the hostages, Janeane Garofalo is still a part of the FBI and, erm, Jon Voight might have been on shrooms all day.
Jack and Turtleneck are planning things while that angry Senator is desperate to know what they wanna do.
Tony Todd has killed a hostage to stop any uprising. And get The President to start reading statement.
Todd threatens to begin by killing her daughter, which’d be a bad move – when she’s gone, The President will have no more reason to give in and thus everyone’ll die without her doing anything.
The Veep isn’t willing to sign off to any attack on the White House to save the President because he’s a gorram yella belly Liberal, right Jack Bauer?
Turtleneck has lept onto a baddie, shot someone and blown up to distract from Bauer’s escape.
Tony Todd tried to out-gun Jack Bauer. He is now dead.
Bauer is crying over Turtleneck’s death and the show had a quiet clock pre-commercials.
We guess we’re meant to feel bad that a partial antagonist is dead?
Jack seems obsessed about getting in a room with the bad guy he tased a few hours ago. No one wants him to be in the same room as that guy.
Only 3 split-screens as we come into another act.
Not many balls in the air at this point and even fewer characters.
Jack’s getting the official go-ahead to threaten to tase that guy again.
Jack’s constant pressure to get what he wants worked. Pester your parents, kids!
Exposition dump of The President and her daughter’s issues and the fact that the daughter sent out negative ads during the campaign for president, threatening the entire campaign.
An old man is being killed at the hospital. Wrongful assassin?
No, it’s only a distraction. High body count here.
President’s daughter is on the case to find out why the government is so corrupt. How long is this season?
Bauer is in a room with the tased man. An assassin is in the ceiling.
Bauer is unconscious while the tased man’s throat is surgically sliced.
21:11 End Of Episode 13, 8pm-9pm
Here’s what we learned:
– The FBI allows interrogations to happen with dangerous men minutes away from them with limited surveillance.
– Jack Bauer is always on the run.
– Some storylines seem to be as interesting as watching paint dry in real time.
Season 7, Episode 14
21:12 The Following Takes Place Between 9pm and 10pm
Run Jacky boy Run!
Stanley Tucci Clone is back. It’s another Chloe ep.
Jack is driving and looking up files of this assassin. He just used both hands to put a USB into the computer. As he drives.
Voight is speeching how he’s doing a necessary evil. Voight is on a major high right now.
President’s daughter is looking to spin the day’s events to favour the President as a hero. She’s totally a clean-mouthed, lessangry Malcolm Tucker.
Garofalo is eyeing Renee as she tries to avoid capture. The FBI wants Bauer.
Bauer has made it to the angry Senator’s office. He’s gonna clear his name by shoving his fist up the Senator and getting a pardon using him as a puppet.
The President is addressing the nation.
The President’s daughter has leaked info about who let Bauer get into the hospital and it may affect not just The President’s chief of staff but the President herself.
Stanley Douchey is being forced to help the FBI do encryption stuff with computer things.
Stanley Douchey wants to get Chloe home safe and sound. Chloe is trying to help Jack by standing up for him. Go Chloe?
A senator was just killed at his front door. The assassin is hunting Bauer, who lept through a window.
Bauer is running. Running like John Cleese.
The Assassin is firing wildly into a room. Subtlety is not in this man’s ethos right now.
Jack has got a bulldozer and is crushing a building with the assassin in.
Jack Bauer threw a knife at the master assassin and hit him with a plank of wood. The master assassin. Who was so special.
And now the FBI say to shoot Bauer on sight. Because, ya know, convenience.
21:53 End Of Episode 14, 9pm-10pm
Here’s what we learned:
– The FBI will believe anyone except Jack Bauer.
– Master asassins are bad at fighting.
Tony Almeida is one phone call away at all times.
– No other storylines are happening.
Season 7, Episode 15
21:54 The Following Takes Place Between 10pm and 11pm
Jack has taken down an assassin, but awoken the FBI manhunt.
Jack and Tony are raiding a place. We’re seeing a port guard talk on the phone to his wife. We’re seeing his wife as well. It’s like an Austin Powers joke, but genuine.
Voight is wagging his finger making a speech.
Jack is holding this guard hostage now.
Jack’s watching as the guard is doing things and suspects with a cargo of dangerous weaponry are all around.
Tony and Jack need to kill some bad guys, or they can sit in a dark room for another 30 minutes.
The President’s daughter has got rid of the Chief of Staff, and now she’s giving the press more ammo, telling them about Jack Bauer murdering the Senator.
“She truly has no idea that you’re the leak?”
Renee and the FBI director trying to work out what happened to Bauer.
The cargo drop happens. The guard is being taken away. He’s gonna die. Jack feels guilty.
Tony is trying to tell Jack how to deal with the situation.
If the twist this season is that Tony was dead all along and in Jack’s conscience, that would not be shocking.
Jack shot the bad guy.
They’re gonna steal the truck and mow them down.
Gunfights and cargo crates crushing cars.
Jack leapt off cargo crates onto a big rig, and has opened the door, punched the guy and tossed him out.
Jack Bauer is Indiana Jones.
Tony has been caught. And beaten.
Jack has found the biological device which is making a hissing sound in a crate.
Somehow, no one has died in the last 10 minutes.
Jack is fleeing helicopters and guns. Hiding behind a group of rocks as the weapon is being moved.
Voight is psyched that they got the weapon and Bauer didn’t.
Jack was exposed to whatever it was.
He may die?
Wait, what season is this?
22:35 End Of Episode 15, 10pm-11pm
Here’s what we learned:
– In a firefight, Jack Bauer kills nobody.
– Tony Almeida is now a bad gunsman.
– Nobody wins when Jack Bauer sits in a trailer for 30 minutes.
Season 7, Episode 16
22:36 The Following Takes Place Between 11pm and 12am
Jack is giving exposition to a woman who wants him to strip. He is doing so.
He is not graceful. Or shaved.
The FBI is looking into Starkwood, so they can storm Voight’s neighbourhood and give him a hiding.
Voight is monologuing to his own staff about possibly taking out Almeida.
Hours ago, the President and her daughter were arguing, now she wants to promote her – and also employ her.
The leaking daughter is now Chief Of Staff.
The white house is looking into Starkwood’s compound for the purposes of storming it.
They have some sort of neural disease on site, it causes dementia and death.
Tony has a gun facing him but he won’t talk.
Voight’s big staff friend has killed the bad guy. He wants to stop Voight.
Jack is infected. Renee is distraught. Jack’s gonna die. Another day.
Voight doesn’t know that Tony is helping the good bad guy. Voight is insane. Also, Jon Voight is playing an insane man.
Tony Almeida is on the phone for the FBI. The call is coming from inside the Starkwood Compound!
Starkwood is being monitored by FBI via webcams, and being informed of what’s where by webcams. It’s all webcams all the time.
Storming the castle! Helicopters and ropes and absailing.
Tony was fooled, they were sent to the wrong side of the compound first. Now Voight knows and is ready.
23:18 End Of Episode 16, 11pm – 12am
Here’s what we learned:
– Bad guys lie.
– Good guys are unprepared.
– In a storming of a compound little actually happens.
Season 7, Episode 17
23:18 The Following Takes Place Between 12am and 1am
Jack is looking at a computer screen while people stand trying not to die in the middle of a paramilitary compound.
Voight is meeting the FBI face-to-face.
I wonder if he’s insane in this scene.
“Is there anything in here at aLLLLLLLLlllllllll!!!”
You know, stretching out words, saying them in weird ways.
The FBI are leaving because the US cannot fight a private army.
Nor write a decent season of 24.
Tony and a Starkwood board member are sneaking through the compound for Jack’s amusement.
Jack can’t talk because of the virus.
Jack is twitching worse than when he was on heroin.
Tony got into the warehouse where the chemical might be. All alone.
Jack has had a seizure.
Voight doesn’t want the Chairman they just found in the compound to be harmed, just monitored.
Press man and President’s leaky daughter are in a room together, discussing details. She tells him things and asks him to stay quiet. He wants her to buy his silence with sexy times.
Is this what the press is meant to do?
Back to Tony. Hostiles are entering the building he’s in.
He knees one in the chest a few times. Then steals all his equipment and bullet vest.
Tony is out for a kill.
Voight is angrily monologuing to the Chairman of the Board about what he did for America.
Voight has now killed the Chairman with a prop, then thrown him over a balcony.
Press guy is still running the story, despite all the sexing.
Voight knows an airstrike is on its way to the compound.
Voight is on the phone to the President, he wants the air strike to be reversed, or he will…
do bad things.
The President is aborting the air strike. It may be too late.
It isn’t too late.
00:01 End Of Episode 17, 12am-1am
Here’s what we learned:
– The FBI is wussier than you can imagine.
– Jack Bauer is dying.
– Tony Almeida is a great spy.
– The President’s daughter will do anything for lack of press, but she won’t do that.
Season 7, Episode 18
02:32 The following events take place between 1am and 2am
“Is she out of her mind?” asks Tony, after learning the President has cancelled an air strike on Hodges’ compound.
We’ve been wondering the same thing about everyone all season.
Jonas Hodges (Voight) is coming to the White House, the President tells Tim.
That sounds like a very strange euphemism.
The President wants to talk to Hodges and persuade him to give up. She sounds as clueless as the parent of Bobby/Ice Man in X-Men 2.
“Have you tried… not being a terrorist?”
According to the President, there is no other option.
Bauer reminds that there is one other possibility: a covert operation. Because that’s how CTU rolls. Ohhh yeah.
Hodges threatens to launch the missiles unless Starkwood are given a seat at the table of all defence meetings at the White House.
Then, just in time, Tony blows up the Starkwood depot.
Covert operations, baby. They never fail.
“Your missiles have been destroyed,” the President tells Hodges. “This is unbelievable!” he exclaims.
She replies: “It’s the TRUTH.”
Minutes later, it turns out that Kim has been trying get in touch with Jack all day. She’s now at CTU.
“WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?” the man who has repeatedly disobeyed orders, illegitimately tortured foreigners and invaded foreign embassies shouts at CTU boss Walker.
He calms down and meets with Kim.
“I’ve missed you so much daddy,” she tells him.
Season 7 is still yet to learn the meaning of subtlety or nuance.
Dun dun durr! One of the operatives at Starkwood – Robert Galvez – has stolen a cannister of the pathogen.
Why? And who for?
DUN DUN DURR!
It’s for Tony. He suffocates Moss and meets with Robert.
Covert operations. They never work.
03:18 End of Episode 19 (1am – 2am, Day 7)
Here’s what we learned:
– Tony’s a bad guy after all.
Season 7, Episode 20
03:18 The following events take place between 2am and 3am (Day 7)
Hodges’ lawyer prepares to leave the house. She is stopped by someone who looks exactly like her. She drugs her, then steals her cards, fingerprints and glasses. The latter makes no sense – would an impersonator have exactly the same eye prescription? Or are they meant to just have blurry vision all day?
Hodges’ “lawyer” slips him a pill and tells him to commit suicide – then speaks to her conspirator and reveals that Tony is working with her.
She’s still wearing the glasses.
Jack is starting to show signs of suffering from the bioweapon. Under interrogation, he starts repeating himself, babbling nonsense.
“I’m sorry, I’m repeating myself,” he sighs.
Then says it another 5 times.
Not really. But you wish he did. That would’ve at least balanced out the ridiculousness of this whole situation. Instead, his deteriorating condition is treated with a 100% straight face.
Jack knows it’s Tony that’s involved with the Starkwood terrorists – and finally reveals it to Renee.
Hodges, meanwhile, is now in hospital after taking the suicide pill and is negotiating for witness protection in exchange for information. Discovering that the original plan was to launch the pathogen on the US in six months’ time, Jack is concerned the attack is more imminent, and so he requests the use of the old CTU servers.
You know what that means.
Yes! It’s Chloe!
Angry to discover the plan to offer Hodges witness protection, Olivia Taylor – the President’s daughter – hires a contract killer to bump him off. Uh-oh… livia.
Tony and Cara break into Jibraan and Hamid’s house, ignoring the fact that the brothers were fast asleep. He then points a gun at his head.
We knew Tony was evil, but not THAT evil.
Sleep is a really valuable thing.
In other news, Bauerthon has been running for 124 hours.
04:33 End of Episode 20 (3am – 4am, Day 7)
Here’s what we learned:
– Hodges didn’t die and is about to get off scot-free.
– Chloe is back in the game.
– Tony will stop at nothing in his mission to disrupt people’s sleep.
Season 7, Episode 21
04:35 The following events take place between 4am and 5am (Day 7)
Jack is still suffering from the pathogen, which mostly means he still shouts and continues racial profiling suspects. Then, every now and then, he stops and forgets something.
“I forgot what I was saying,” he says.
Tip to the writers of 24: that’s a rubbish catchphrase.
Jack and Renee, using information from Chloe and Janis, hunt down Jibraan.
“Do you know this man?” Renee asks his Imam.
“LOOK AT THE PHOTO!” adds Jack.
It’s less good cop/bad cop, more female government agent/racist.
Jibraan tells his brother that he is a terrorist and working with Tony. Hamid is shocked.
Data from Chloe, though, suggests that he’s actually being framed. Jack apologises to the Imam in the car.
“It’s never too late to turnt owards God, Mr. Bauer…”
Jack turns to the window instead.
In case you’ve been having difficulty, here’s a handy guide to spotting the difference between Good Tony and Bad Tony.
Clue: Bad Tony has a moustache.
CTU raid Hamid’s home, but Hamid stabs their only lead in the neck.
Way to go, Hamid.
Meanwhile, Olivia discovers that – despite her calling off the hit – Hodges is killed anyway by a car bomb.
Is it her fault? Even if it isn’t, she’s already panicking. You know, just to avoid appearing suspicious.
05:10 End of Episode 21 (4am – 5am, Day 7)
Here’s what we learned:
– Tony is planning to attack the subway.
– Olivia is a bit rubbish.
Season 7, Episode 22
05:12 The following events take place between 5am and 6am
Jibraan gets on to the Washington Metro, but tries to notify the police – only to realise they’ve paid off the station officers too. TONY IS EVERYWHERE.
DAMN IT, CHLOE.
Jack needs location data from a traced phone call between Tony and his henchman and Chloe can’t get the info fast enough.
A couple of minutes later and they’ve managed to find his van and ram him off the road – proof that shouting “damn it, Chloe” always gets results.
Jack Bauer punching Tony Almeida is the original Tyrion slapping Joffrey.
They manage to get to the bioweapon cannister before it can be unleashed, reuniting Jibraan with his brother.
Kim, meanwhile, is being watched by someone suspicious at the airport after her flight is delayed.
Shock twist no. 5386: It’s actually one of Jack’s men, assigned to make sure she’s safe!
Kim sits with another couple who seem nice.
Shock twist no. 5387: That nice couple who seemed nice? They’re not so nice after all.
They’re Tony’s men! (And woman.)
The deal? Let Tony go and Kim is safe.
05:42 End of Episode 22 (5am – 6am, Day 7)
Here’s what we learned:
– Jack punching Tony is surprisingly cathartic after a night of no sleep.
– Kim is in peril. AGAIN.
Season 7, Episode 23
05:43 The following events take place between 6am and 7am (Day 7)
Jack has broken Tony out of FBI custody.
Kim, meanwhile, has officially been taken hostage by a man who looks like James May and his wife.
A shootout ensues in the terminal, with the woman being killed and the man being injured.
He runs to escape – just as Kim’s phone battery dies.
Oh, Kim. When will you ever learn?
Ethan sneaks into Olivia’s office and gets the audio recording of her phone call with her assassin from her safe. She detains him and gets the SD card back. Because you can’t spell “The White House” without “Political cover-up”.
Kim, meanwhile pursues James May, who drives out of the airport – only for the car to flip over and blow up.
Clarkson would not approve.
Tony’s new plan? Use Jack’s infected body as a source for the pathogen to launch another attack.
Yes, another one.
But just when you start to get bored of the same old thing, Jack escapes!
Oh wait, that’s what he normally does as well.
06:24 End of Episode 23 (6am – 7am, Day 7)
Here’s what we learned:
– There’s always another attack.
– Nobody puts Jack in a corner.
Season 7, Episode 24
06:24 The following events take place between 7am and 8am
A quick shootout in a garage and Tony recaptures Jack once more. And then reveals his entire plan: convince bad guy Alan Wilson that he’s evil enough to warrant a meeting.
Who is Alan Wilson, you ask? He’s the guy who ordered the hit on David Palmer back in Season 5 – as well as Michelle, Tony’s wife.
Ah, good old personal revenge.
Alan Wilson is here. Yes, *the* Alan Wilson.
And so are the FBI.
And, in the middle of it all, Jack running around in a bomb vest like R2-D2 or C3P0 in Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope.
Michelle, it turns out, was pregnant.
“YOU KILLED MY SON,” he yells. “AND NOW I’M GONNA KILL YOU.”
Subtlety was never 24’s strong point.
Inevitably, Jack and Renee arrive and stop Tony.
Almeida refuses to give up, crawling across the room to get his gun and finish the job. Bauer shoots him in the hand.
Tony has the worst luck.
Whiney whiney Olivia confessed to her mum and dad after being confronted by Ethan, who managed to trick her into thinking she had retained her SD card with the incriminating phone call.
In the episode’s infinitely more interesting plot line, though, Jack is also confessing – to Jibraan’s Imam.
Can he forgive himself for what he has done before he dies? Is this finally the redemption 24’s hero has been heading towards?
Before we can find out fully, Kim turns up at the hospital and says she will go through with a stem cell operation to try and save him.
“I’m sorry, daddy,” she says. “But I’m not ready to let you go.”
Well, at least she’s not in peril.
06:44 End of Episode 24 (7am – 8am, Day 7)
Here’s what we learned:
– Jack has finally found inner peace. Maybe.
06:44 Bauerthon Stats – Season 7
Bauer body count: 14
Bauer torture count: 2