David Farnor | On 07, May 2014

Two weeks ago, we embarked upon a dangerous mission: to watch all of 24 in one go and catch up on the series’ escapades before it returns for Live Another Day on Wednesday 7th May.

After all, 24 is the show that virtually invented the concept of binge-viewing, so what better way to celebrate that in a time when binge-viewing has become mainstream than by returning to the one that started it all? 8 days of 24 in 6 days? We named it Bauerthon and started live blogging immediately.

With only hours to go until the new season actually arrives, we bring the edited highlights of the event – so you can remind yourself of what’s happened to Jack over the years without having to go through what we did.

This is Bauerthon, aka. the longest day of our life.

Bauerthon: A Season 8 recap.

Season 8, Episode 1

07:39 Season 8 begins – The following events take place between 4pm and 5pm
Meet Jack. He’s a nice man living with his daughter, Kim, and her husband, Stephen, plus his granddaughter, Teri.
Meet Hassan (Anil Kapoor). He’s the President of the Repbulic of Kamistan who is meeting President Taylor at the UN to arrange an arms treaty, no thanks to the input of his passionate brother, Farhad.
Meet Victor. He’s an old friend of Jack’s from Season 3 and has information on a hit on Hassan – information that sees a Russian hitman try to kill him, and Jack try to escort him to a helipad for CTU to collect.
“You’re gonna wanna here this,” says Victor.
“Why?”
“Because you’re the guy who always does the right thing.”
Clearly Victor hasn’t seen the last seven seasons of 24.

07:40
“This isn’t the organisation you knew,” CTU Director Brian Hastings warns Bauer.
He’s right. CTU has changed a lot since Bauer’s heyday. It’s now a shiny building of orange and black, with shiny new operating systems that are too advanced even for Chloe.
Oh, and its lead field operator is Freddie Prinze Jr.

Yes, this man.

07:41
We also meet CTU’s other tech guy, who spends his time using spy satellites to perv on women sunbathing on rooftops.
Because that’s not creepy or weird at all.
Why yes, 24 is created and written by men, why do you ask?

07:53 End of Episode 1 (4pm – 5pm, Day 8)
Here’s what we learned:
– President Hassan is a naughty man with AMAZING hair

.- Jack Bauer says he’s no longer working at CTU. Which means he’ll be back there by next week.
– All-new CTU is a scary place.

Season 8, Episode 2

07:53 The following events take place between 5pm and 6pm

07:55
The journalist Meredith Reed that Hassan’s having an affair with?
It looks like she’s a terrorist to boot.
Or is she?
Cue many arguments at CTU, as no one listens to Chloe’s theories.
“I need your help, Jack,” she says. “I can’t do it without you.”
Really, Chloe? Are you sure? You’ve always been independent before now.

07:55
“I don’t ever want to lose you,” says CTU agent Dana Walsh to Freddie Prinze Jr.
One of them’s definitely going to die.

07:56
Did we mention Dana Walsh is played by Katee Sackhoff, aka. Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica?
She’s awesome.

08:04
Jack Bauer has now agreed to hang around at CTU and help Chloe. No one else seems to be questioning Bauer, now a civilian, wandering about the place. They’re probably too distracted by all the shiny orange doors.

08:10
Oh no, they’ve realised – now that he’s stolen a gun from the armoury.
Bauer then blackmails the director of CTU over the use of untested drones in a residential/civilian area to follow Chloe’s lead about the Russian assassin seen leaving Meredith’s building (presumably to plant a file and set her up).
“I want to be on a plane with my family, but you’re giving me no choice!” he barks at them.
Erm… no, Jack. You’re doing this of your own accord.

08:15 End of Episode 2 (5pm – 6pm, Day 8)
Here’s what we learned:
– Jack is a workaholic.

Season 8, Episode 3

08:18 The following events take place between 6pm and 7pm (Day 8)

08:18
The Russian assassin visits his policeman friend, Jim, to see if they can swap shifts. Jim is shocked to hear that “Mike Farmer” is a fake name.
Well, duh.
08:19
A few bullets later and Jack is on Jim’s doorstep, only to find two corpses in the house – neither of them Mr. Farmer.

08:26
Meredith reveals to CTU why she had a keycard to the President’s private residence: because they were bonking.
08:37
Hassan confirms to Hastings that he was having international relations with Meredith.
Meanwhile, in the other room, his brother Farhad is on the phone… to the Russian assassin.
“I confirm your brother will be dead within an hour,” he says.
08:39
Jack Bauer has escaped from a torture situation with two cops who found him at Jim’s house and wanted revenge. Amazingly, he hasn’t tortured them in retaliation.
Maybe he did find spiritual peace at the end of Season 7 after all.

08:41
Decryption on files from Meredith’s computer has finished. It is, you guessed it, a schematic for a bomb planted in the UN.
Chloe argues it’s a fake – and so does Freddie Prinze Jr – so naturally, nobody listens to her.
08:49
With the Russian assassin in place as an NYPD cop, CTU rushes to evacuate the UN, unaware of the one obvious thing…

Freddie Prinze Jr. drives into the motorcade to block the explosion and save Hassan’s life. Will he survive? And, more importantly, will we get the chance to use that video of Admiral Ackbar again before Bauerthon is complete?

08:50 End of Episode 3 (6pm – 7pm, Day 8)
Here’s what we learned:
– Everyone should always listen to Chloe.
– Freddie Prinze Jr. is quite useful after all.
– Dana has a mysterious secret that a mysterious male friend of her keeps threatening to reveal. How mysterious.

Season 8, Episode 4

08:51 The following events take place between 7pm and 8pm (Day 8)
08:51
Newsflash: Freddie Prinze Jr. gets out of the car alive.
He isn’t dead. Yet.
08:57
Hassan discovers that his brother was behind the assassination attempt. He’s shocked – until he remembers that Meredith is still in the holding cell next door. Then he’s mostly just aroused.
09:26
An old face from the past has been brough in to help with the Russian investigation: Renee!
You remember she was a Russian undercover agent, right? No? That’s the brilliance of 24’s universe: the automatic ability to retcon anything about their characters because they all have a history in various intelligence departments.
09:26
“Don’t tell Renee I’m here,” Jack asks Chloe, worried things might get dramatic.
Then he walks in on her minutes later anyway, rendering that conversation pointless.

09:27
Traces of weapons-grade uranium were found on the body of the Russian assassin, Chloe explains to Jack – minutes after that was explained to us by CTU Director Hastings.
Thus rendering that conversation also pointless.
09:37
Renee is going back undercover. Despite having had a nervous breakdown and not going udnercover for 6 years.
In the middle of the CTU meeting arranging the cover, Bauer – a civilian – interrupts.
“She’s not ready,” he says. “I’m going in too.”
“OK,” says everyone else. Because of reasons.
In other news, Farhad has met up with his Russian friends.
“I want to see your rods,” he says.
Tee hee. Rods.

09:38
Bauer and Renee go undercover together – and she wastes no time in showing that she’s every bit his match. By hooking up with an old contact. And sawing his hand off.

09:39
The name of her old contact? Vladimir.
Of course it is.
Next they’ll be introducing a character called Ivan.

09:42 End of Episode 4 (7pm – 8pm, Day 8)
Here’s what we learned:
– All Russians are called Vladimir.
– Jack sees someone else chop a guy’s hand off and says they’re unstable. When he does it, on the other hand…

Season 8, Episode 5

09:42 The following events take place between 8pm and 9pm
09:45
Renee’s contact comes back round after she hacked his thumb off. He looks afraid. She mentions 2.5 million dollars. He smiles. “Yes, let’s do it.”

09:52
The US officials are talking about the uranium threat.
“This explains completely what’s happening in the IRK,” says Chief of Staff Ethan.
Bless. The Americans have a name for their fictional country.
Why “Kamistan”, anyway? Why not a real country? Perhaps the writers of 24 realise that most Americans wouldn’t know the difference.

10:03
Dana has gone back home to meet her mysterious male friend.
“You know what I want?” he asks violently. “What I really really want?”
“Zigazig ha?” she replies.
Ok, not really. They’re actually talking about CTU data.

10:13
The Russians have accepted Renee back into their team because she’s hot.
Bet Bauer can’t get away with that.

10:17
In other news, David Cameron has taken Oleg to the doctor to get him treated for radiation poisoning.

After all, it’s not as if anyone in the NHS was available.
10:18
Vladimir kills Renee’s contact, but decides to let her live because he believes her. And in her hotness. Jack, listening in on the phone, sighs with relief.
10:26 End of Episode 5 (8pm – 9pm, Day 8)
What we learned:
– David Cameron has changed his haircut.
– Russian people are way too accepting of suspicious moles in their gangs.

Season 8, Episode 6

10:26 The following events take place between 9pm and 10pm (Day 8)
10:37
Jack Bauer is about to meet Vladimir. Freddie Prinze Jr. tries to help coordinate the operation, but Jack shoots him down (not literally).
“I have experience of a similar operation in Felushia,” he points out. Bauer snaps back: “I’m running this operation.”
Yes, Jack, you – a civilian – should automatically take authority over an experienced (and, more importantly, currently employed) CTU agent. Why on earth is he still here anyway? He may care about Renee or feel he has a duty to the Kamistan President, but those obligations were sorted in Episode 3 or 4. Without President Palmer on hand to provide emotional investment (or, in Episode 1, Chloe), it’s hard to believe that Bauer would continue acting like his old self for such a sustained period of time – especially with Kim and his granddaughter waiting in LA for him.
The format is still surprisingly fresh, but has the character finally run out of steam?

10:56
Bauer meets Valdimir’s henchmen, who try to kill him – but Ortiz has a sniper rifle and takes them out, saving Jack’s life.

10:58
Bazhaev is worried that Josef/David Cameron taking Oleg to the doctor will compromise the family’s secrecy and shoots Oleg.
“Never disobey an order from your father,” he says, with red table lamps lighting up his face.
Subtle, 24, very subtle.

11:08 End of Episode 6 (9pm – 10pm, Day 8)
What we learned:
– Russians seem to think that radiation poisoning isn’t severe.
– Jack Bauer is rubbish at disguises.

Season 8, Episode 7

11:18 The following events take place between 10pm and 11pm (Day 8)
11:20
Dana continues to capitulate to her blackmailer and helps him break into an NYPD evidence locker, lest he reveals to CTU that she once killed someone and went to jail.
Is she really worried about that? She obviously hasn’t read Jack Bauer’s file.
11:32
Renee pushes Vladimir to keep calling everyone he knows about possible buyers for uranium rods. After he finds no one, she gets annoyed – and he gets angry. And she responds by stabbing him to death.
Yes, it’s that classic 24 rule again: any woman in a compromised situation with a dangerous man with whom she has had sex inevitably goes mad and kills him. That’s the third time in eight seasons it’s happened; just one of many repeated plot points in a show that has become increasingly formulaic.
Season 8 is almost like watching every other season of 24. You could almost jump between them and, aside from character names, locations and MacGuffins, not notice the difference.
11:40
Dana’s friends spend so much time mucking about in the NYPD evidence room that they get caught – and beat up an officer with a baseball bat. Dana starts to get distracted at work. Both Arlo and Hastings notice.
This would never happen to Starbuck.

11:41
In other news, Hassan is getting carried away with clearing up his security at home. He’s firing people left, right and centre.
We blame his hair. Have we mentioned his hair? It’s amazing.
11:44
Vladmir’s calls end up reaching the right person – Bazhaev, who responds by sending people to kill them all. Of course, unstable sexy lady already killed off one of them, but Renee hides so Jack can get caught and lead CTU to the Russians’ hideout.
Needless to say, the plan fails and they escape.

11:45 End of Episode 7 (10pm – 11pm, Day 8)
What we learned:
– The writers of 24 have a serious problem with women.

Season 8, Episode 8

11:45 The following events take place between 11pm and 12am (Day 8)
11:55
Jack is now being tortured by the Russians – Farhad thinks that he’s a rival buyer, while Bazhaev thinks that he’s a cop.
They string him up and start hurting him. Honestly, haven’t they seen the last seven seasons? He probably quite likes being tortured by now.

11:57
“There are things about my life I haven’t told you,” Dana confesses to Freddie Prinze Jr., now that he’s back from the operation.
“Me too,” he says.

Clearly she hasn’t seen Scooby Doo.

12:02
Let’s take a moment to appreciate the majesty of Hassan’s hair. He’s like a live action Sonic the Hedgehog.

It almost deserves its own split-screen, just to fit on the TV.

12:03
Hassan’s daughter tells him off for his latest firing: Tarin, with whom she is in love. Hassan sighs. “I have my reasons…”
We still blame the hair.

12:05
Jack Bauer notches up his first kills of the season by taking out Bazhaev’s men.

12:07
Jack captures the big man himself and gets him to tell CTU where the rods are.
Hastings briefs everyone – and explains that he’s Ukrainian, not Russian.

Our apologies. Although these days the difference is… not quite as clear as it used to be.

12:14
Cole leads a team to the truck where Bashaev says the nuclear rods are – but they have already been taken and the guards killed. Oleg’s crucifix is left behind, which suggests Josef has gone rogue to give the rods to Farhad behind Bashaev’s back.
Meanwhile, Dana has disappeared off-grid to see her old male friend, Kevin, and his mate at a night club. She has a gun with her.
Nothing like going rogue to fill up a couple of episodes.

12:18 End of Episode 8 (11pm – 12am, Day 8)
What we learned:
– Hassan’s hair is slowly taking over.

Season 8, Episode 9

12:18 The following events take place between 12am and 1am (Day 8)
12:21
“Jack, I heard about what you went through,” says Chloe over the phone. “Are you OK?”
“I’m fine,” he says.
We’re more worried about the fact that he hasn’t eaten anything in eight seasons.
Seriously.

12:28
We just realised we forgot to mention Jack Bauer’s German disguise earlier.
It was rubbish.
Jack Bauer: Master of Disguise

12:34
Renee is being examined by a CTU officer about what happened with Vladimir. You know, when she went rogue that time and stabbed a guy repeatedly.

Meanwhile, Cole has gone out of the office for an hour to track down Dana, who is still missing. An agent going rogue to track down an agent who has gone rogue, while one of the only other agents in CTU is being interviewed about going rogue?

12:35
Now, Jack has broken into the interrogation room to stop them questioning Renee.
Chloe is practically the only one in the building who hasn’t gone rogue.
We like Chloe.

12:38
After killing Josef, Farhad has the rods but nowhere to put them. His friend Samir comes up with an idea: use them to make a dirty bomb.
Of course! A bomb! We knew there was something missing from this season of 24.

12:40
“I want you out of this building,” says Hastings to Bauer.
It’s about time. It only took him 9 episodes to remember Jack’s a civilian with absolutely no authority whatsoever.
Five minutes later, Hastings goes crawling back and asks Bauer to lead the op to extract Farhad – who calls into CTU when he gets cold feet about this bomb idea.

12:51
Dana finally tells Cole the truth. He does the natural thing in response: helps her threaten Kevin and his mate.
Kevin’s mate does the natural thing in response: get a gun out, stab Kevin and go after Cole.
Cole, in turn, does the natural thing in response to his natural response: shoots him dead with a shotgun.
AND THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GO ROGUE, PEOPLE.

12:55 End of Episode 9 (12am – 1am, Day 6)
What we learned:
– Nothing good ever comes of going rogue.
– Everyone goes rogue anyway.
– It’s not 24 unless there’s a bomb involved.

Season 8, Episode 10

12:55 The following events take place between 2am and 3am
13:05
Tarin escapes custody with the help of Samir, whose henchman also takes out Farhad. At the same time, the US President is being briefed on the number of people who would die from a dirty bomb attack.
In short, bombs are bad.
13:12
Bauer sets bait for Samir by pretending that Farhad made it out alive and is now in hospital.
It’s a nice change from just torturing everyone, we suppose.
13:22
Samir sends young Marcos to the hospital where Farhad is meant to be. With a bomb, of course. Gotta love them bombs.
Meanwhile, Hassan is scared that his daughter Kayla, who is escaping to New York with Tarin, could be in danger due to the dirty bomb. You can tell when he’s worried: his hair is noticebly less shiny.
13:30
Ickle Owen from CTU and ickle Marcos from Samir’s group end up face to face, youth on youth. Luckily, they manage to disarm the bomb – although the trigger happy kids let off a few bullets.
Panicked, Marcos locks himself in a chamber and asks for help from Samir to blow up the vest.
We told you 24 likes bombs.

13:31 End of Episode 10 (1am – 2am, Day 8)
What we learned:
– Bombs are bad.

Season 8, Episode 11

13:31 The following events take place between 2am and 3am (Day 8)
13:35
“Tell me something. Tell me you hate me forever!” Dana tells Cole on the way back to CTU.

“We’ve got jobs to do,” he grumbles, but admits he still loves her.
Their romantic journey up in the elevator, though, is interrupted by Hastings, who verbally smacks them both down. “How you perform from now on will determine whether you salvage your careers,” he threatens.
Dana, meanwhile, has to report to Chloe.
O’Brian 1. Walsh 0.

13:54
Jack tries to talk down Marcos, who resists all arguments.
That is, until his mother is dragged into it. It’s not her pleas that convince him – but the threat of her being harmed.
Jack Bauer: bringing families together since 2001.
13:57
Marcos comes out of the chamber – but the vest is still armed. Samir activate the remote failsafe, giving Marcos less than a minute until it goes off.
Bauer stays behind and tries to take the vest apart, while Marcos tells him that Tarin is involved in the terrorist plot.
The timer runs out and Jack throws him into the chamber just in time for him not to do.
The camera cuts to a shot of the chamber door covered in blood.
Blimey.

14:06 End of Episode 11 (2am – 3am, Day 8)
What we learned:
– Did we mention bombs are bad?

Season 8, Episode 12

14:06 The following events take place between 3am and 4am
14:08
Hassan’s daughter Kayla has now been warned that Tarin is a terrorist. She laughs in that nervous I-know-you’re-a-terrorist way and hides in the bathroom where she tries to escape.
Needless to say, she fails.

The police converge on the hotel, with Bauer, Cole and the NYPD all trying to issue their own orders. Conclusion: They all have big dicks. Sorry, no. We meant: They’re all big dicks.

14:16
Hostage. Bomb. People going rogue. Season 8 is starting to sound like a winning round of 24 Bingo…

14:19
Kayla is held hostage by Samir, demanding “File 33” in exchange for her life – a document that explains how to get around US radiological defence.
They’re given 15 minutes to comply – just past the halfway point of Episode 11. Coincidence? We think not.

14:31
“We can’t give them the file, it’ll endanger millions of lives,” says Jack.
“What about my daughter’s life?” says her mum.
Silly woman. Jack Bauer doesn’t care about her. He’s Jack Bauer.

14:41
Tarin gets killed by US forces as Kayla heads to CTU amid a citywide search and rescue op. Drones are everywhere, allowing them to do the nifty (and somewhat unsettling) facial recognition thing.
Then one of them picks up Tarin. After his death.
“They want Kayle to head to CTU!” deduces Bauer, from almost nothing. “It must be some kind of…”
Did someone say BOMB?

14:42
The EMP goes off, rendering CTU useless. Because if there’s one place in the world that shouldn’t be equipped to operate in the wake of a nuclear detonation, it’s CTU.
Great work, America.

14:43 End of Episode 12 (3pm – 4am, Day 8)
What we learned:
– CTU has never considered prepping for nuclear attack.
– No one in CTU has a pen.

Season 8, Episode 13

14:44 The following events take place between 4am and 5am (Day 8)

15:02
Chloe calls Renee to find out where Jack is.
“What’s going on?” asks Renee.
“Everything.”
She’s right. The entire episode has descended into a massive shootout between Tarin’s men and Jack, Ortiz and Owen – while at CTU, the NSA have arrived with a team to get everything back online.
Chloe doesn’t like them, though. She’s like the pet dog of CTU. She can smell when someone or something’s not right.
15:04
After suggesting a quick way to get CTU back online and having it rejected, Chloe has now pulled a gun on the NSA folks and locked herself into the server room to reboot the building on her own.
Damn it, Chloe.

15:11
IT WORKED.
Damn it, Chloe. You’re awesome.

15:20
Dana continues to be pestered by Kevin’s parole office. So she kills him and hides him in the walls of the office.
Why so drastic?
Because… SHE’S A MOLE. Cross that off your bingo cards, people.

15:20 End of Episode 13 (4am – 5am, Day 8)
What we learned:
– Dana is a mole. (Not literally.)
– Jack Bauer is invincible.

Season 8, Episode 14

15:21 The following events take place between 5am and 6am (Day 8)
15:24
“I can no longer guarantee the safety of Manhattan,” says Hastings, dramatically.
Samir contacts the US President offering an exchange: not detonating the bomb for Hassan.
Meanwhile, Dana tries to keep up her cover while whispering on the phone at their desk. Somehow, nobody hears her. From serious to silly, just like that.

15:25
The President says no to the trade, but a team of officials go rogue – ROGUE – planning to take Hassan and do the swap anyway.
Because there just isn’t enough rogue to go around.

15:26
IDEA. Alternate 24 theme tune:

(Replace the world “gold” with “ROGUE”)

15:29
Meanwhile Hassan joins forces with Renee and Jack who fight against the mercenaries. It all sounds fine and dandy – until Samir decides to detonate the bomb anyway.
Can you say “15 minute timer”? Samir can.
15:38 End of Episode 14 (5am – 6am, Day 8)
What we learned:
– All the drama.

Season 8, Episode 15

15:42 The following events take place between 6am and 7am
15:44
After confronting the head of the mercenaries, Bishop, Hassan decides to hand himself over to Samir’s guys and stop the attack. The good news? The bomb doesn’t go off. The bad news? Hassan has gone rogue.
Meanwhile, Bauer contacts the President to inform her that Brucker betrayed her to sell out Hassan anyway. In other words? He went rogue.
All together now…. ROGUE!

15:52
The President arrests both traitors in her office, while Bishop is led on a silly merry-go-round by Samir’s men – only for them to drive away with Hassam in his car, while he wanders on foot to look for the bomb.
He finds it in a van with 7 minutes left on the timer.
Uh oh.

15:52
“I wanted peace,” says Hassan to Samir. “You wanted the front cover of Time Magazine!” Samir snipes back.
To be fair, his hair deserves to be on Time Magazine.

15:54
That awkward moment in a 24 live blog when you get so caught up in watching 24 that the blog part struggles to catch up…

15:56
“What are you doing?” says Arlo, as he walks in on Dana acting not-at-all-suspiciously.
“I’m running a diagnostic,” she says.
“So why are you looking at a map of Manhattan?” he shoots back.
She’s cutting it fine, now. Credit to Katee Sackhoff, who’s been fantastic all season: funny, menacing and likeable. Even if she is the world’s worst mole.

16:04
Jack Bauer has managed to get the cell phone from Tarin after Jack flips him off the top of a multi-storey car park – yes, really.
How did he know Jack was coming?
One word:

16:05 End of Episode 15 (6am – 7am, Day 8)
What we learned:
– Hassan is still not dead.
– It is not possible to survive driving off the top of a multi-storey car park. Just in case you were wondering.
– Dana is really quite rubbish at being a mole.

Season 8, Episode 16

16:05 The following events take place between 7am and 8am
16:13
Jack has phoned in the data to Chloe: it is official. Dana is the mole!
She shoots two guards and makes a run for it, only to be chased down by Freddie Prinze Jr., who drives a car into her.
Dana curses and glares at him. She would’ve got away with it, if it wasn’t for that pesky meddling kid.

16:16
Dana refuses to talk to anyone else but Bauer.
At which point we become concerned once again for CTU’s best agent, who hasn’t eaten anything for 8 seasons now.

16:20
Never sleeps? Survives without eating? Practically invincible? Capable of withstanding torture and feeling no pain?
New theory: Jack Bauer is a robot.
In fact, everyone in CTU is a robot. None of them eat, they never sleep and – like all sentient computers in TV shows and movies – they constantly go rogue against the humans around them.
24: a subtle sci-fi satire set in the near future that exposes the hypocrisy and dubious ethics of US national security. If everyone were replaced by robots.
When you think of it like that, suddenly, the whole show makes a lot more sense.

16:26
“I always knew there was something wrong with her, but I didn’t thinks he’s be a TERRORIST.”
Chloe – queen of the objective factual observation.

16:30
Hassan is being tortured by Samir to make him read a statement confessing to his “sins” on live TV, while Dana briefs the team on an operation to rescue him – in exchange for immunity.
Samir tasers him as he writhes around on the floor in agony.

That majestic hair is now ruined :-(

16:40
Bauer, Renee and Cole are working their way the building to find where Hassan is being kept captive. They go into one woman where a child is playing with a toy and a woman sits down on a sofa.
She begins to silently draw a pistol. Renee takes her out without hesitating. Let’s be honest: it’s hardly The Raid.

16:42
Bauer and Renee find a hidden room in the back of a closet – like Narnia, but more bloody.
Inside, they find a video camera… playing a recorded video of Hassan being tortured by Samir.
He is already dead.
A genuinely shocking ending.
The clock ticks out in silence.

16:45 End of Episode 16 (7am – 8am, Day 8)
What we learned:
– The 24-hour real-time format still grips, even with the most ridiculous plotlines.
– Despite the silliness and absurdity, every now and then, 24 still has the power to shock.
– Hassan’s hair will never be that magnificent again.

Season 8, Episode 17

17:43 The following takes place between 08:00 – 09:00.

17:47
Jack is apologising.
Gruffly and with his serious eyes (no flowers/chocolates/barbershop quartet).
But apologising nonetheless.

17:48
Ortiz checks on the status of a still living assassin to ensure he is alive enough to torture for answers.
He is.

17:50
The assassin, Samir, has been injected in the neck by a really shifty looking paramedic.
We’re guessing medicine is not likely.

17:52
A plan is being cooked up to salvage the treaty.
Streamers at the ready.

17:53
A Russian agent (along with his even more dubious accent) reports his killing of Samir to Novakovich, who decide that CTU is still a threat as Renee may have recognised him from a previous spy adventure.
17:57
Jamot, after discussion with President Taylor, has decided to pause democracy for a moment and install Hassan’s wife as the President of Kamistan.
All that electing and voting gets in the way when you’ve got paperwork to do.

17:57
Mrs Hassan says she’ll never stop loving Hassan.
Irrelevant, but a sweet sentiment, nonetheless.

17:58
She accepts!
Out of the way lads, the strong female characters are signing peace treaties while you fail to protect your friends and enemies alike.

17:59
CTU has been infiltrated and compromised several times… so we’re going to continue trusting them with protection of two Presidents.

18:00
Breaking News: Hastings is out. CHLOE IS IN.

18:03
Renee and Jack go for a coffee.
And end up sleeping together.
That old chestnut.

18:05
Pavel the Samir-killing-spy watches their non-beverage-related encounter through a sniper scope.
Sinister level – 87%.

18:06
President Taylor and Novakovich have a chat.
Novakovich acts suspiciously. He declines to sign the treaty because people who try to sign it get murdered.
Very suspicious.

18:07
Ethan, upon being told by a doctor that he survived his surgery, refers to himself as ‘a tough sonofabitch.’

18:08
Taylor, asking, for Ethan’s help, ends up agreeing to bring former President and general not-very-nice guy Logan into the fold in order to keep the Russian’s at the table.

18:11
Hastings announces his departure. Chloe takes over as interim boss.
Staff break out party poppers, cheap wine and party hats. Bauer Xeroxes his backside and sleeps with Ortiz in an abandoned server room.
Not really, they announce the death of Samir.
But we’re cheering Chloe like it’s new year’s 1999.

18:14
Baby Hassan is worried for Mummy Hassan because of the death of Daddy Hassan.
No porridge in sight.

18:14
Mmm porridge.

18:16
Logan has brought his executive assistant to the meeting.
He’s suspiciously happy.

18:19
This man is currently arguing with the President about how he can change the world stage by convincing an entire country to change their minds about the peacefulness of a peace treaty.

18:20
Jack and Renee finish their special cuddle.
Now they are in crosshairs.
That’s not a euphemism.

18:21
Renee answers Jack’s phone to Chloe to discover Samir’s murder.
Renee IDs Pavel, without naming him.

18:22
Before she can name him, Pavel begins wildly sniping Jack’s apartment.

18:23
Jack picks up Renee and carries her out the front door into a taxi. They escape Pavel’s sights.

18:24
The taxi driver appears to have had some pretty serious rally training.

18:25
Renne is rushed into surgery.
Jack is covered in blood.
Logan schmoozes Russian delegates.
Taylor looks worried.
Four-way split screen is as effective as ever.

18:29 End of Episode 17 (8am – 9am)
Jack demands the file that Renee and Chloe were discussing.
He is informed that Renee did not make it out of surgery.
Kiefer Sutherland allows Jack a short moment of actually looking upset about something.

What we’ve learned:
Sleeping with Jack Bauer gets you killed.
Everyone’s very suspicious about everyone else, with good reason.
Logan will just not go away.
Everyone loves Chloe.

Season 8, Episode 18

18:29 The following takes place between 09:00am – 10:00am

18:30
Jack stands over Renee’s body.
Talking to a doctor, he actually does seem very upset.
We can only hope this translates into rather a lot of anger.

18:33
Jack demands information on Renee’s final words.
Chloe informs Jack that she is currently his boss.
It’s pretty cool.

18:35
Chloe directs Jack’s still-fresh hatred at a Government building.
This can only add to the torture counter, surely?

18:37
Novakovich and Logan meet and both trade passive-aggressive, thinly veiled threats.

18:38
Jack is going after Dana.
Who’s at CTU.
Jack’s juggernauting into CTU.
Gah!

18:39
Logan threatens to reveal Novakovich’s knowledge of Samir’s attacks if he doesn’t agree to sign the peace treaty the attacks were meant to halt.
A philosophical quandary if there ever was one.

18:40
First Jack stops off at a courthouse to meet and probably have a friendly back-and-forth with Bazhaev.

18:41
“Take a long, hard look into my eyes and realise that I will have no problem taking out each and every member of your family before they get home today if you don’t tell me what I want to know.”
Jack’s verbal torture has dramatically improved this series.

18:43
Logan’s tactics work and Taylor thanks him for his effort.
By letting Ethan ask him pressing questions over the phone.
Quite the interrogation.

18:47
Bazhaev implicates the Russian Government, whose main contact is Dana, in everything that has happened in Day 8.
Chloe tasks Ortiz (Freddie Prinze Jr., who looks like Keanu Reeves incidentally) to ensure Jack doesn’t get ‘out of hand’.
GOOD LUCK, FRED.

18:49
Jack wants to interrogate Dana.
Chloe decides to leave the cameras on.
He appears to be interrogating her inside Professor X’s CEREBRO from X-Men 2.

18:51
In spite of cameras and Professor X’s judgemental gaze, Jack begins brutally beating Dana.
She admits to having recordings of whom she reports to.
“Your move, Jack.”
Jack’s move is to threaten to kill her on a whim, at any given time.
We like it.

18:53
The UN accepts the un-democratic installation of Mrs Hassan as President and awaits the delegates of Kamistan to decide whether or not to accept her candidacy.
There may be peace after all!
Once Jack’s sorted his conscience out, obviously.

18:56
Logan begins whining about Jack’s actions to President Taylor, distressed at the news of Renee’s death.
Logan pushes, demanding locking Bauer down. Using his blackmail of Novakovich as a truth card, he forces Taylor to agree with him, as she now appears compromised.
The President, her trusted Secretary of State and the former President decide that, to protect themselves, Jack Bauer must be stopped.
GOOD LUCK.

18:59
Bauer contacts Taylor regarding immunity for Dana.
She’s too busy quoting Caesar and plotting against Jack in order to answer, but no doubt she’ll get around to it after all this nonsense.
Here we go! She’s going to have a face-to-face with Jack.
Cue tension clock.

19:03
Taylor orders Bauer to stand down. To not torture or kill or investigate or shout or anything.
Taylor lectures Jack on making sacrifices.
Somewhat moot, right?

19:05
Jack agrees to stand down.
Taylor instructs him to be locked down anyway.
Servicemen escort him to a helicopter.

19:06
We assume this will go without incident.
Jack’s capacity for obedience is legendary.

19:09
Jack’s escort helicopter has arrived.
Cue perfectly by-the-book locking down of an agent.

19:11
“I’m taking this helicopter. Tell your men to drop their weapons or you’ll die.”
In trying to remove Jack from a situation, they’ve armed him, given him a hostage and a helicopter.
Truly by-the-book.

19:12 End of Episode 18 (9am – 10am)
What we’ve learned:
Don’t arrest Jack Bauer. Just don’t.
Don’t trust disgraced Presidents.
And certainly don’t trust the current one to arrest Jack Bauer.

Season 8, Episode 19

19:12 The following takes place between 10:00 – 11:00.
19:13
Chloe keeps radio contact with Jack in spite of his silence.
Chloe has sent attack helicopters after him.
Armed with sub-par CGI, Jack outflies them and lands atop a skyscraper.

19:14
Unable to outrun the attack helicopters in the air, Jack decides a short jog should confound them.
They enlist the NYPD.

19:15
Using all of his special training and some nearby trees, Jack evades both agencies.

19:16
Chloe sends Ortiz after him, with a full understanding of how cool it is to have Jack hunted down by his partner.

19:18
Ethan suggests that Taylor expose the Russians, destroying the peace deal, rather than risk Jack exposing her cover-up of the murders and attacks of that day.
They’re basing a decision on whether or not Jack Bauer will achieve his goals. It should really be simpler.

19:20
Taylor decides not to bet against Jack.
Maybe she is the smartest President we’ve seen.

19:22
Logan once again slimes his opinions into the frame. Suggesting holding Walsh via a private security firm in order to avoid the Russian betrayal becoming public record.
He then encourages Taylor to torture Walsh.
“Isn’t morality relative?” He says.
24 grew a conscience far too late to ponder that.

19:24
CTU use every piece of surveillance available to track Bauer.
Taylor demands, as per Logan’s plan, that Chloe hand over Dana under the guise of ‘keeping her safe from Jack.’
Questionable.

19:25
“Madame President, no-one wants this to get ugly.”
“It’s already ugly, Charles.”

19:26
Jack’s back where he belongs.
On the run from his own government, poorly equipped and with nothing to lose, Jack calls in help from his few friends in order to ferociously track justice.
Chloe informs Jack of Taylor’s plan to move Dana.

19:27
Michael Madsen’s here now, so all is well.

19:28
Surrounded by servers and monitors, Madsen equips his trademark haircut and horrible shirt and helps provide Jack with a minor arsenal and electronics. FANTASTIC.

19:29
The private security firm suggest ‘accidentally’ having Dana killed post-torture.
This feel shady to you, too?

19:31
Chloe pretends to be naive and silly.
She bugs the phone of the head murderous shady security guy.
Abducting Dana from CEREBRO, he continues his dead-eyed tough-guy act unaware that Chloe is pretty much better than him at security in every way.

19:32
Luckily, he’s flagged Dana’s destination on Google maps for Chloe.
Chloe and Ortiz discuss their orders and their gut feelings. They decide to bring Jack in for his own safety.

19:32
Deciding to use Jack’s reliance on Chloe against him, she sets up a sting.
Tick, tock.

19:34
Michael Madsen arms Jack as though he’s a playable character in GTA.
Chloe gives Jack false information about Dana’s destination.
You don’t lie to the furious one-man army. That’s foolish.

19:38
Taylor does a speech about “the greater good”, making it the billionth such speech in 24.
After a while, it loses any meaning. It’s a justification for twisting drama mostly, not a comment on what governments and individuals can and cannot do in certain situations.

19:39
Ethan resigns in outrage at Taylor’s accepting of Logan’s ideas. Quite rightly, so, we think.

19:40
Baby Hassan is now encouraging Mummy Hassan to replace Daddy Hassan.
Still no porridge.

No beds either.

No eating and no sleeping. Just running about and conspiring and killing and hurting people.
A real-time Goldilocks might actually be pretty good.

19:42
Jack has an Uzi. And a grenade. And a tiny mirror.
We retract that Goldilocks comment.

19:43
Chloe continues leading Jack into a set-up.

19:45
Jack knows Chloe.
He disarms all the agents and forces Ortiz to tell Chloe that they have Bauer in custody.

19:46
Jack needed Ortiz to gain access to Dana!
He only turned up because his pal was there!

19:48

The Bauer/Ortiz Connection.

19:49
Ethan confronts disgraced Prez Logan.
He’s much nicer than Logan.
He’s got better hair.

19:53
The President gives a speech about peace prevailing ‘no matter the cost’, whilst on the other side of the screen, Dana is waterboarded.
Ah, yes, 24, there are your morals.

19:56 End of Episode 19 (10am – 11am)
What we’ve learned:
24 is aware that it has questions about morality, especially regarding black-ops, torture and the ‘greater good’ it so fondly talks of, but it clearly has no real clarity on what those questions are. Let alone any answers.
24 Season 8 has an okay plot, but has yet to aspire to be anything more than it has already achieved.

Season 8, Episode 20

19:57 The following takes place between 11:00 and 12:00.
19:57
Waterboarding looks like zero fun.
19:58
Dana claims to have been bluffing about her knowledge before and refuses to give in to the torture.
We’re two “Go to Hell, you son of a bitch”s away from printing TEAM DANA shirts.
20:00
The Jack/Ortiz power team decide to free Dana, as she was only a cog in the machine that killed their friends.
Ortiz confirms that Chloe has no idea they’ve teamed up. Jack hands over loaded guns to Ortiz, to prove he’s working alongside him.
We’re not convinced. Trusting anyone in Bauerland is dangerous.

20:01
Chloe demands a complete psychiatric evaluation of Jack.
Light bedtime reading?

20:04
Bauer and Ortiz begin to break into Dana’s prison/warehouse/torture chamber area.

20:06
Distracting and incapacitating guards, we’re beginning to suspect Jack’s signed a peace treaty of his own.

20:07
Commander of shady security force takes Dana hostage.
Jack kills him.
Two bad guys respond to the sound.
Jack kills them.
Another arrives.
Jack kills him.

20:07
Much better.

20:08
One of Ortiz’s men gets free and informs Chloe that Jack is free and out and about and killing and torturing to his little heart’s delight.

20:09
Chloe calls the White House to inform them.
She then does a face that suggests she’s just eaten a very, very sour sweet.

20:10
Jack demands information from Dana. She refuses.
He may have rescued her from heartless torture only to heartlessly torture the information out of her.

20:10
It works.
It’s in a safety deposit box.
Spiffing.

20:13
After a lover’s tiff, Jack and Ortiz seem to want different things.
Jack wants a dog (which in this case is a metaphor for ‘to compile a list of the guilty and systematically execute them’) but Ortiz wants to renovate the bathroom (‘to hand over Dana to CTU, reveal the conspiracy and do it by the book’).

20:15
President Taylor hears about the escape and confronts Logan. Logan performs the same trick, telling her that she has no option but to obey his suggestions now they’re in too deep. Logan suggests implementing his aid, Jason Pillar (Reed Diamond, The Shield), as head of the manhunt for Jack.

20:18
Logan, Novakovich and Pavel meet and discuss Dana Walsh’s fate in a scene which was undoubtedly storyboarded as BIG SHADY BAD GUY MEETING. They use words like ‘expose’, ‘terminate’ and ‘ultimately’. If 24 were a pantomime, and let’s be honest sometimes it’s not far off, the audience would be booing loudly at this point. They may be anyway.

20:19
The Dynamic Duo decide that Ortiz should take Walsh into the bank, as Bauer’s face is all over police scanners. Walsh uses their time without Jack to suggest that Ortiz is being naive in thinking that Jack isn’t going to kill everyone involved with this season’s conspiracy.
She’s right.

20:22
In regards to the Jack Bauer manhunt, Jason Pillar is now in charge.
Chloe is hurt and unhappy. Pillar is not planning to go after Jack as non-lethally as possible. He authorises ‘unrestricted’ use of force against a ‘Level 8 Armed and Dangerous’ Bauer.
HE’S NOT WRONG.

20:25
Dana admits that she only took the job as a Russian mole in order to get out of life imprisonment and that she really does love Ortiz but just didn’t know how to say it before.
How utterly moronic and sweet.
This scene exemplifies what 24 cannot do well at all. Emotional twists. Never believable.

20:26
True to form, the safety deposit box contains a stun device that floors Ortiz and a silenced pistol. Walsh kills the bank guard and collects money, a microchip and a passport from the box.
She calls 911 and aims the NYPD at Bauer.

20:27
Pillar continues being a twit at CTU.
Two NYPD offices fail to apprehend Jack Bauer (a real shocker after two Apache helicopters couldn’t manage it) and he escapes, chasing Dana through the streets and into that classic of shootout finales, a construction site.
Using a variety of moderately clever tricks, the sparring continues until Jack has Dana unarmed and at gunpoint. She pleads, he shouts, she begs, he shouts, she confesses, he shouts. You know the drill by now.
Dana hands over what she promised to.
Jack kills Dana anyway.
20:36 End of Episode 20 (11am – 12pm)

What we’ve learned:
24 writers are driven purely by revenge and satisfaction and not anything else. Not their real-time gimmick, not their faux-deep characters and not any sort of idealistic statement on the idea of torture or violence.
They are however, quite good at providing that satisfaction.

Season 8, Episode 21

20:37 The following takes place between 12pm and 1pm.
Four to go.

20:37
Jack watches the recordings Dana made of her meetings with Pavel.

20:39
Pillar has every spare body looking for Jack, whilst denying any Russian involvement. He becomes more hateful with every word.

20:41
Michael Madsen is refusing the help further until Jack explains the situation.
Jack does so.
He appears to trust Madsen. In spite of everyone else in this world and every character Madsen has ever played.
Bauer’s busy, though, maybe he doesn’t visit the local cinema much.

20:42
Jack admits why he’s doing this, and why he’s ever done anything.
“I need to make them pay.”
OK then.

20:42
Hey guys, Jennifer Westfeldt is in this series!

Well, that’s good.

20:43
Jack trusts her!
We’re fine with this. We’d trust her too.

20:44
Jack invites her to meet him for coffee.
Remember his last coffee meeting?
– Slap bass solo –

20:46
Pillar is negotiating with Ortiz.
Freddie Prinze Jr looks more like Keanu Reeves than Keanu Reeves right now.
Pillar gives him the “we both want what’s best for AMERICA” speech while Ortiz baits him with a few “Oh, so you’re part of the cover-up?!” lines.

20:48
Having intercepted Jack’s chat with Westfeldt, Pillar keeps the information quiet, hoping to pick up Bauer quietly and then… who knows, give him a cuddle? Offer him a tasty egg sandwich?

20:48
Pillar, Logan, Pavel and Novakovich bask in their success.
Too soon, we’re sure.

20:50
Chloe guesses Pillar is in on the cover up, because he’s a really suspicious little twit.

20:52
She explains it to Glass and begins coming up with ways to distance Pillar from their work, mostly using clever computery stuff involving lots of jargon and intermittent beeping sounds.

20:54
Chloe contacts Ortiz. He is reserved. He no longer trusts Jack after he executed Dana.
“There are no good guys here.”
24 is making a point. An obvious one, badly made, but it’s actually making a point.
He hints that Jack has a weapons supplier in the city and Chloe begins hunting for Madsen.

20:56
Pavel and his questionable accent prepare to assassinate Jack and Reed at the place they decided to meet.
Will they show up?

20:58
Logan believes he’s earned a public recognition for what he’s contributed towards the peace treaty.
Go do one, you slimey snakeman.

21:00
Pavel keeps his crosshairs on Reed as the others search for Bauer, who’s successfully avoiding the detection of a trained sniper, every security agency and several ground units by standing behind someone taller than he is.

21:01
Madsen incapacitates Pavel while Jack starts a shootout in a department store with multiple attackers. He escapes with Reed.

21:04
Pillar reports that in one swift move, Bauer managed to kill the Russian operatives, abduct Pavel and contact a journalist while in possession of proof that the Russian government is behind this.
Pillar suggests Logan “distance himself” from The President. Difficult when you’ve just argued for your face to be on the 1 O’Clock News aligned as the President’s right-hand slimeball.

Logan assures Pillar that Pavel won’t talk and that they still have options. Pillar isn’t so sure. But is equally slimy.

21:05
“It’s Jack, they’re trying to kill him!”
“Yeah, that part of the plan didn’t go so well.”
Chloe and Glass provide a hilarious commentary on the previous scene’s events.
Hilarious – but true.

21:06
Jack opens Pavel’s case to reveal a sniper rifle. He realises that he killed Renee.
Pavel may not enjoy the next few minutes.

21:08
Madsen keeps a gun on Pavel. Jack begins binding him with rope in spite of Reed’s protests. Jack picks up the rifle.

21:10
Fun fact: Jack is torturing Pavel with pliers.

21:11
Reed protests to Madsen as Pavel’s grunts and screams are heard throughout the abandoned somethingorother he’s being tortured and beaten in.

21:12
Pillar instructs the NYPD to shoot-on-sight.

Jack breaks out the blowtorch.
Upon realising that Pavel has swallowed the SIM card for his phone, Jack pulls a large knife, cuts him open and begins searching.
He redials the most recent number…
“You’ve reached the mobile number of President Charles Logan…”

21:21 End of Episode 21 (12pm – 1pm)
What we’ve learned:
Logan is a really bad, bad guy.
He also still refers to himself as “President” on his voicemail which is point-blank hilarious.

Season 8, Episode 22

21:22 The following takes place between 13:00 – 14:00
Three to go.

21:23
Pillar and Logan get the gravity of the situation.
They need to find and stop Jack.
Unlikely.
Jack escapes with Madsen (whose character probably has a name, but it’s not going to be as cool as Michael Madsen) and Reed, though Reed is uncertain about Jack after his maiming and murder of Pavel.

21:30
Logan reveals part of his true nature to President Taylor, forcing her to continue his definitively evil puppeteering.
Chloe and Glass discover the sniper rifle and match it to Renee’s murder weapon. They put together more of the jigsaw but are unsure about if they can reason with Jack any more. They also ID Madsen (as in his character, not the real Michael Madsen) and discover that he’s officially listed as deceased.
Cool.

21:31
Even Madsen advises Jack about the finality of his mission. Bauer makes vague allusions to the idea that he’s on a suicide mission and suggests Madsen erase his connections and disappear.

21:33
Taylor orders the arrest of Reed and the confiscation of any documents she may have.
Beside the questionable torture and morally devoid character base, 24 appears to now be making statements regarding the acceptability of censoring the press. It’s bad, they think.

21:40
Logan takes a yellow cab to meet the Russian President but is stopped in his tracks by an unknown assailant in full body armour, complete with terrifying mask.
In an explosion of cool relatively unseen in 24, the masked man kills Logan’s guards, impervious to gunfire and takes a shotgun to the windscreen before gassing the cab.
Dragging Logan from the vehicle, he speaks. Muffled and gruff, Bauer’s growl is unmistakable.

21:41
Hot diggity damn that was cool.

21:43
Pillar arrives at the scene of Logan’s kidnapping and begins chasing down Bauer.
Removing the mask, he employs his ‘full velocity’ shout to tell Logan what he wants, why and exactly how much.
Logan crumbles instantly, crying and blubbering a confession about his river of lies. Protesting his innocence and admitting his oppotunism and naming Novakovich as the mastermind behind the murders, attacks and betrayals.

21:44
Jack chokes Logan unconscious and leaves him for Pillar to find, melting into the shadows.

21:46
Chloe and Glass continue in their understanding of the truth. When they realise they’ve got no one left to send into the field. Chloe notes that they have one agent left. Signing Ortiz over to her care, Chloe takes another step away from the awkward numbers geek we met in the first hour of Day One.

21:49
Michael Madsen is playing a CIA exile named Jim Ricker.
Yeah, we prefer “Madsen” as well.

21:50
Attacking Novakovich’s bodyguard and acquiring the schematics and number of guards at his office, Jack picks up something even more useful… a really big shotgun.

21:51
Jack takes out two guards with a pistol and one with a knife, but attains a stab wound in the process.
24 is edging ever nearer to killing off its infamous lead.

21:52
“He’s careless, and he only cares about revenge.”
Ortiz protests Chloe’s plan and assures her that unless Jack surrenders completely to him, he’ll be forced to kill him.

21:54
Reed reveals the truth about Daddy Hassan’s murder to Baby Hassan, who is still a little incensed about the conspiracy, probably because of the porridge loss.

21:56
Reed exclaims her innocence as she’s taken by the FBI. Her proof is confiscated and given to President Taylor, who demands to watch it alone.
A beaten Logan instructs Pillar to warn Novakovich about Bauer.

21:58
Pillar calls Novakovich. The camera pans across a hotel room, a phone ringing. Five dead bodies, including Novakovich, lie strewn across the floor. Novakovich lies with a poker sticking out of his stomach, blood everywhere. A barely living bodyguard tells Pillar that Bauer was there, but demanded nothing – just entered, killed everyone, and left.

Logan phones Russian President Suvarov and warns him about the events. Logan claims credit for the situation, professing that he saved Suvarov by saying Novakovich gave the orders. They’re still worried, despite Jack’s wound.
The camera closes in on Logan’s lapel, where a bug lies. Jack listens in on the conversation and moves in on Suvarov, bleeding profusely.
22:02 End of Episode 22 (1pm – 2pm)
What we’ve learned:
24 finales, when provided with enough material for tension and budget for shootouts, are not all bad.

Season 8, Episode 23

22:03 The following takes place between 2pm – 3pm)
The penultimate episode.

22:05
Ortiz is warned, while going after Madsen (Ricker), that he won’t like being discovered after all this time, and that he’s dangerous. Ortiz strikes a deal. Madsen can help them find Jack and, in return, CTU won’t tell anyone that Madsen is alive.
Ortiz drops his gun. “If Jack dies today, it’s on you.”
Madsen agrees to help CTU.

22:08
Madsen gives CTU the heads up about Bauer going after Suvarov and they receive an alert about Reed’s arrest. Ortiz and Chloe struggle between revealing the truth and trying to avoid more deaths. They buy some time by editing Suvarov’s motorcade route but are clearly both still worried about the unstoppable force that is Bauer.

22:11
Logan explains the real situation to Taylor. Jack Bauer is seeking retribution. Taylor works out that Suvarov’s involved in the day’s horrors and Logan admits as much, with Jack listening in. Taylor still has not shown enough remorse to redeem herself. Scolding Logan, she never stops him and never risks herself in order to expose him. Bad President-ing.

22:13
Pillar describes the situation to his staff. Jack rises from the back seat of his car, gun arm extended.
“You saw what I did with Pavel? I didn’t have much time with him. With you, I’ve got all the time in the world.”
Bauer’s torture techniques are, in this episode, treated as regular action motifs, without too much political thought put into them. This is not the case for all of 24.

22:15
Mummy Hassan hands over Daddy Hassan’s prized possession to President Taylor, a priceless pen, inscribed with messages of honour and peace.
This is what guilt looks like.

22:17
Reed’s phone call to Baby Hassan has started a chain reaction; the next step of which is discussing the information Reed has with Mummy Hassan, who begins a search for the truth about Daddy Hassan’s desk and why her porridge bowl seems a little empty.

22:18
Why is everyone in this show so dead-eyed? Is it a clever motif or a low cast budget or what? It’s useful here and there but if everyone’s got no soul then it somewhat defeats the potency of it.

22:22
Pillar, at gunpoint, drives Jack directly into Suvarov’s hotel. Struggling with a pretty standard case of being stabbed, Jack is on a time limit. Well… another time limit.
Taking this into account, he presses a pistol against Pillar’s temple and forces him to stitch him up. During this, they have a chat about Jack’s ethics. Jack sees the official channels as corrupt and failing and admits he sees himself as judge, jury and executioner. Following this he considers killing Pillar, but merely knocks him unconcious as Pillar was involved, but only a pawn. A politically-motivated, ruthless, twit pawn.

22:24
Mummy Hassan confronts Taylor about the distressing news involving the Russian Government’s involvement in the death of Daddy Hassan and, following this, about why her bed had been slept in.

22:27
Taylor panics and tries to ignore the obvious. She is asked to ascertain the truth from Reed but merely attempts to lie and palm President Hassan off with nothing. She admits arresting Reed for damage control purposes, inadvertently revealing the extent of her knowledge.
Aside from the porridge and bed scandals, Mummy Hassan is angrier and more dangerous than ever. Also ensuring, with her trustworthy moral compass, that she’s one of the only consistently likable character in the series so far.

22:29
President Taylor loses it completely and begins threatening the delightful Mummy Hassan’s newly ruled country with invasion and destruction.
Interestingly, we still blame Logan for Taylor’s corruption. Which means we’re thinking about fair blame. Which means we do actually care about the conclusion of the show.

22:32
Jack prepares his assassination attempt using gizmos including tiny surveillance cameras and a massive assault rifle. Nifty.

Mummy Hassan, in a fit of anger, tries to understand her helplessness against the American military. 24 may see this as a success for their country.

22:34
Chloe gets a camera hit on Jack, well within CTU’s perimeter and she volunteers herself as the only person that can truly get through to Bauer.
Not the secret service agents, CTU agents, CIA agents, FBI agents, NYPD officers, private security, Russian intelligence, Russian secret service agents or even the parking attendants. Chloe.

22:36
Jack records his post-assassination speech. He apologises and assures the listener that he did what he did because he thought it was right. Which can sound like a big statement, but appears hollow and questionable across the backdrop of such ethical turmoil.

Armed and searching for Jack, Chloe dons her uncertain look and continues a tense walk around where she expects a trained killer to go.
Jack corners her and ignores her pleas for reason, choking her into unconsciousness. Today’s non-lethal attack of choice. At least Sutherland’s got the cold, dead eyes for it.
As Ortiz watches on, horrified (you can tell by Prinze Jr’s goldfish-like face.), the peace treaty signing begins.
We see exactly where Jack is aiming his huge great rifle, directly at the head of Logan. He phones Logan and demands that Logan invite Suvarov to stand beside him.
22:40 End of Episode 23 (2pm – 3pm)
What we’ve learned:
24 can do tense just fine.
Jack is rarely doing what you expect him to be doing.
Unless you’re expecting him to do whatever it takes, he’s always doing that.
Unless you expect him to, then he tricks you.
Jack Bauer is a paradox.

Season 8, Episode 24

22:45 The following takes place between 15:00 – 16:00
The final Bauer.

BAUER RHYMES WITH HOUR. GET IT?

22:45
Taylor confronts Suvarov and informs him about President Hassan’s knowledge.

22:49
Logan convinces Suvarov to join him, as Chloe tries to talk Jack down.
“I’ve got to finish what I started,” he tells.

Ortiz takes charge and sends Delta Teams in.

22:50
Chloe and Jack have a philosophical bout, Chloe claiming that Jack is going to start a nuclear war over personal attacks and with Jack parrying that these people must be held accountable.

22:51
Suvarov reaches Logan’s room.
Jack backs down and demands that Chloe does exactly what he says if they’re going to do this correctly.
Logan apologises to Suvarov and assures him that it was a mistake and he’s safe.

22:52
Bauer hands over the memory chip and instructs Chloe to ensure they make it out of building.
He tells Chloe that she has to shoot him in order to give their story meaning. As law enforcement arrive, Jack puts the gun to his own head.
Chloe shoots.

22:54
Unsure if Jack will survive, Chloe fills in Ortiz on the plan to release the evidence to every agency and news outlet.
The discovery of a living Pillar forces her to remain on-site to debrief him.

22:57
Pillar demands Chloe hand over the memory chip with Bauer still on the edge of death, watching on.

22:58
Unable to find the card, he lets her go.

22:58
Chloe retrieves the card from the back of her phone. Of course.

23:01
Pillar realises that Chloe didn’t shoot Jack to kill and that Chloe has the card, but Jack distracts him by biting part of his ear off. That IS distracting.
Agents stop Chloe revealing the truth and confiscate the data card. Pillar demands to meet Chloe and Ortiz at CTU.

23:03
Logan informs Taylor of Jack’s apprehension, still leaking poison into her choices. Convincing her that there is no way to deal with Bauer but to kill him. It’s the only way to stop him. Though his motives are false, he’s not wrong.
He accepts her silence as approval to go ahead with the execution of Jack Bauer.

23:05
Taylor watches what is on the data card of proof.
It’s Jack’s confession. He explains who is at fault and why, who he killed and their crimes, who is a good citizen and a kind one.

“Lasting peace cannot merely be political. It has to be honest.”
Jack Bauer begins the first chapter of his political manifesto with a monologue about justice.

23:07
Logan toasts their success with Pillar, and their profits.

23:10
At the peace treaty signing, Hassan and Taylor share looks of uncertainty and trouble.
Suvarov and Hassan sign the treaty.

23:13
Taylor selects Hassan’s gift as her pen, pauses, and refuses to sign the treaty.
She returns the gift and tells the truth to the entire UN delegation.
“For now, this peace process has come to an end.”

23:16
She demands that Jack Bauer be alerted that his life is in danger.
Jack crawls from an upturned ambulance, bloodied and dying. Three men in gas masks put a hood over his head.

An aide informs President Taylor of this.

Logan and Pillar sit down from their toast as they hear the news that Taylor refused to sign, citing knowledge of war crimes.

Pillar answers the phone to Taylor, demanding Logan. Logan knocks Pillar out and shoots him in the head.

23:18
Taylor arrives at Logan’s with secret service agents and shouts through the door.
Logan looks out the window and shoots himself.
The countdown reads three minutes to go.

23:22
CTU begin tracking Jack’s kidnappers after Taylor orders the release and reinstatement of Chloe and Ortiz.

Jack is pulled from a van, struggling to his last. As the assassin is about to pull the trigger on Jack, CTU hack his phone. President Taylor orders them to stand down and turn themselves in. She threatens them with an attack drone that is currently overhead. The assassin hands the phone to Jack.

23:27
Taylor explains to Jack that she has come clean and is going to face the consequences of her actions if Jack promises to do the same.
She apologises for her betrayal and what she’s forced him to do.
She recommends that Jack will have to flee, as he’s wanted by American and Russian forces alike.
Jack phones Chloe and explains that CTU must always keep Kim Bauer safe. Chloe promises to do so, and to give Jack as much time as she can.

Jack thanks her for her unwavering loyalty.

Chloe tells the agents in the room that this never happened.

The clock counts down three seconds to zero.

End of episode. End of Season 8. End of 24.

23:35 00:00:00
Ladies and gentlemen, that was 24.
Every second of every hour of every day.

We learned many, many things during our Bauerthon and will learn many more on 7th May 2014, when 24 returns for the 12-part Live Another Day on Sky 1 and NOW.

The wit, observations and tired ramblings of 24 have brought to you by the brave, just talents of

Ivan Radford
Chris Bryant
Andrew Jones
Neil Brazier

for whom the struggle may have been similar to Jack’s, but was equally worth it.

This has been, without a doubt, the longest day of our lives.

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