James R | On 11, Jul 2014

The second season of Eli Roth’s horror series is released today exclusively on Netflix.

After having a sneak preview at the opening episodes, we answer 22 questions that should tell you everything you need to know about Hemlock Grove Season 2.

1. Is Hemlock Grove Season 2 good?

“Good” and “bad” aren’t really concepts that are relevant in the world of Hemlock Grove.

2. So it’s bad?

We wouldn’t say that.

3. So it’s good?

We wouldn’t say that either.

4. What is it then?

Daft, dumb, in places terrible, unpredictably all over the place, laughably over-the-top and completely, deathly serious at all times. It’s weird.

5. You mean it’s like Hemlock Grove Season 1?

Yes, that’s the best way to describe Hemlock Grove. Like Hemlock Grove.

6. Eli Roth’s no longer the showrunner. Does that mean the programme is better or worse?

It’s slightly less silly than Season 1 so far, although that’s not saying much. It still has the same… “unique” blend of sex, emotions, sex, people staring dramatically, sex and frankly bonkers special effects. Did we mention sex?

7. How long is it until the first sex scene?

9 minutes and 22 seconds. Considering 2 minutes of those are the opening credits, that’s actually quite impressive.

8. What about characters? Are Roman and Peter still in it?

Yes, they’re both back and both still hot – but no longer together.

9. What happened?

Season 2 continues directly on from Season 1, which means that their bromance is officially off. Peter (Landon Liboiron) has run away with his gypsy family, including his psychic cousin, Destiny (Kaniehtiio Horn), who has a thing, it turns out, for ice cream salesmen. Peter’s mum, Linda, though, soon brings him back into town.

Roman, meanwhile, has taken over the Godfrey Corporation since biting off his mother’s tongue and killing her after finding out that she’s a vampire who is also able to control people and once possessed him to make him rape his cousin, Letha. These are all actual things that actually took place last season.

10. What?

We did say Season 2 was less silly than Season 1.

11. So where does that leave the Godfreys?

Daddy Norman (Dougray Scott) is now sad that Letha is dead, while Roman is trying to work out what his mum is up to – much to her annoyance.

12. Olivia’s alive?

Of course. Nobody stays dead long in Hemlock Grove. That would be logical. Plus Famke Janssen is the best thing in it – mercurial, sinister, sexy and hammy as hell. She spends a lot of time learning how to walk and talk again after being kept alive (and having her tongue stitched back together) by Doctor Johann (Joel de la Fuente). He’s still creepy.

13. Is her accent any better?

Not really. Neither is Dougray Scott’s as Norman.

14. Can anyone act in this show?

Yes. It’s just some of them choose not to. Bill Skarsgård usually decides to stare into the distance instead, which is both awkward and effective at the same time. He especially likes to stare while brooding about being a vampire – and what his mum and her strange doctor are up to.

15. What ARE they up to?

Odd things that will be left until later to reveal fully as the show tries to find some kind of mystery to solve.

16. Who’s the bad guy this time? Some crazy monster?

Sadly not. Masked murderers are the main problem now. Not that we see much of them. Hemlock Grove is not a series you watch for consistency. It’s more a raunchy daytime soap opera that happens to feature supernatural goings on.

17. What about werewolves? They have those, right?

Oh yes, there are werewolf bits. If you think you’ve seen Hemlock’s best transformation scene, prepare to have your jaw drop. And a hand reach out from that open jaw and stroke someone else in the face. It’s as disturbing and brilliant as it sounds.

18. Erm…

We did say it was “slightly” less silly than Season 1. There’s also a highly freaky scene in a bathroom that will have you not washing for at least an hour. Until you want to get the smell of Hemlock Grove out of your hair, that is.

19. Are there any new characters?

Yes, there’s one: Miranda, played by Madeline Brewer. She’s blonde and, when we first meet her, bleeding – a dangerous combination in Hemlock Grove. She sparks a love triangle that can only have a happy ending.

20. Do I need to have seen Season 1 of Hemlock Grove to watch Season 2?

No – understanding what’s actually going on in Hemlock Grove doesn’t make it any less ridiculous. If you want to see the show at its most insane, though, it’s worth checking out.

21. Does that mean Season 2 is worth watching?

That depends on whether you think it’s any good.

22. Is it?

See question 1.

Hemlock Grove Season 2 is available exclusively on Netflix from today.

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