David Farnor | On 20, Aug 2013

As Breaking Bad enters its final stretch, fans are clamouring to find out what happens to Walter White, Jesse, Skyler and Hank. Except for one specific group of fans: the ones who aren’t up to date yet.

Halfway through Season One? Still streaming Season Two? The last thing you need is a bunch of excited addicts sharing the details of their latest trip. Breaking Bad is a show that impresses precisely because it is hard to see what’s going to happen next: conversations, confrontations, even trips to the car wash can take an unexpected turn. Having plot points revealed in advance, then, is the worst thing that could happen for a viewer.

For those who have never seen the show, the risk of having it ruined is even worse.

So how can you avoid spoilers? We present five easy steps:

1. Stay away from people

If you’re not near other people, you can’t hear them talking. That’s just logic.

2. Threaten people if they try to tell you about the plot

If you are near people and they start trying to tell them about the plot, threaten them. Threaten their wife. Threaten their infant daughter. Go full Heisenberg on them and start shouting “I AM THE DANGER”. That normally shuts them up.

3. Hide under the sink

Because hiding is easier than shouting.

4. Cover your eyes

If you can’t see them, they don’t exist and can’t tell you about all the new plot happenings.

5. Filter your Twitter feed using Twivo

Now this is a neat one: a 17 year old made this little extension called Twivo for Google Chrome, which sits in Twitter and lets you filter out tweets containing keywords. Type in “BreakingBad” and hit “Record” and it saves up all the relevant tweets so you can “Play” them back later. Genius. As long as you have Chrome. And use Twitter on your computer.

6. Watch it

The simplest solution is just to catch up on the programme so people can’t spoil it for you any more. The problem is there are five seasons of the damned thing – some sick days will probably be in order. (See “Hide under the sink”.)

7. Use our anti-spoilers button

Can’t hide under the sink? Can’t threaten people in public? Can’t live on your own in an RV in the desert? Then drastic times call for drastic measures; our Breaking Bad Anti-Spoiler Button, which is guaranteed to block out any possible mention of Breaking Bad on any internet page. Drag it into your bookmarks and next time you see a site that you think may contain spoilers, use it – and continue to browse without any fear.

Go on. Do it. You are the one who clicks.

A big tip of the hat to Greg Leuch for his super-sexy ▓▓▓▓.

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