James R | On 27, Dec 2021

Director: Mary Lambert
Cast: Tina Gray, Lee Ross, Stephen Oswald, Desiree Burch, Eilidh Loan, Brooke Shields, Vanessa Grasse, Cary Elwes, Andi Osho
Certificate: PG

Not since We Bought a Zoo has a film been so aspirationally named as A Castle for Christmas. The castle in question? Dalmeny House, which is done up beautifully to play Dun Dunbar Castle, home to the Duke of Dunbar (Cary Elwes). Sadly, everything else about the film is laughably bad – and not, you suspect, in a way that’s intentional.

Soon joining the Duke in his castle is Sophie (Brooke Shields), a bestselling author who moves to Scotland to avoid a scandal. What emerges is a family connection that may or may not give her the right to own the estate – and, of course, a shirty, flirty dynamic with the Duke that almost guarantees they’ll end up being Duke and Duchess.

Shields is charming enough, and gets a chance to enjoy asking about such terms as “dobber” and “walloper”, but any shred of self-awareness stops there. The accents on display (the cast are almost entirely not Scottish) are atrocious and not even Cary Elwes’ natural charisma can elevate the dire dialogue he’s asked to utter – if you had a drink every time someone said “Dun DunDubar”, you wouldn’t stay awake for the end credits. Even if you didn’t, you still might not.

The supporting cast are likeable, most notably Drew Barrymore as herself, Desiree Burch as Sophie’s agent and Eilidh Loan (possibly the only Scottish cast member) as pastry chef Rhona. But even they aren’t spared laughably unconvincing speeches, with any potential warmth stemming from the film’s themes of togetherness sapped by such moments as when we’re told Angus, a pub local, hasn’t spoken since the death of his husband – while we can see him plainly chatting away in the background.

The result is like a festive companion to Wild Mountain Thyme, a rom-com that could be entertainingly cliched, if only it knew it. Compared to the knowing fun of A Christmas Prince or the playful plotting of The Princess Switch, A Castle for Christmas is a Netflix seasonal offering that’s sadly not worth unwrapping.

 

A Castle for Christmas is available on Netflix UK, as part of an £9.99 monthly subscription.

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